By Charlotte Evans

Men may think that the “101 Guide To What A Woman Wants” manual that they carry around in their heads is foolproof – but actually, it may contain a lot of basic myths and errors about women’s sexuality – errors that can defnitely lead to some fizzle in the bedroom.

That’s because — after learning the facts of life — most of us are left to figure out sex for ourselves. Guys tend to take a lot of cues from adult movies, and we all know how true-to-life those are. Experience may help, but many women can be shy when talking about what they like.

Mistake 1: You Assume You Know What She Wants

Men often make assumptions about what a woman wants based upon what they’ve done with other women. But remember that women aren’t all the same – what may feel good to one person, or where they like to be touched, may be completely different with someone else.

Mistake 2: You Assume You Have All She Needs

Some women can’t have an orgasm with less than 3,000 rpm. No human tongue or fingers can generate that kind of vibration. But men typically think something is wrong if a woman needs a vibrator.

Mistake 3: You Assume That Sex Feels The Same for Men and Women

Paget says there tends to be a “huge disconnect” between men and women in terms of perceptions about what feels good.  In reality, the inside of the vagina is probably less sensitive than the outer parts for most women. Also, deep thrusting may not feel so nice on the receiving end. If the penis is too long, it can feel like you’re getting punched in the stomach or similar to how a man feels if he’s hit in the testicle area.

Mistake 4: You Assume You Know Your Way Around a Woman’s Anatomy

Most guys know generally what a clitoris is and where to find it. That’s not to say that they really understand it, though. Though decades of science has proved this to be wrong, the belief that women must be able to orgasm from vaginal penetration stubbornly persists.

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By Calle Zorro

It’s a peculiar phenomenon…  Any husband can tell you that men and women are different – they think different, they have different ways of reaching the same end, and they march to the beat of different drums.  And yet, even though men know this, their behavior and actions imply that women are just like them – that women have the same approach, the same take, the same perspective, the same processes as they do… But they don’t!  Women do NOT have the same approach, the same take, the same perspective, the same processes that men do.

So, let’s look at some examples where men frequently act as if women are just like them…

Here’s one…  As a general rule, a wife (assuming she’s reasonably attractive) can expose her nude body to her husband and in a matter of a few seconds, her husband will be ready for sexual intercourse.  Oddly enough, the way many men go about lovemaking it’s the same as if they believed they could expose their nude body to their wife and she should be ready for sexual intercourse within a few seconds.

Technically, men understand this difference and yet, when they get into the bedroom with their wife, their actions belie IGNORANCE in the ways of female sexuality.

Here’s another…  When a group of guys are together in a “locker room” type setting, they have a certain way they talk amongst themselves.  Generally, there are plenty of dirty jokes flying around.  Usually, penis size put-downs are being bantered back and forth.  Often, there’s plenty of talk about “using” a woman sexually, etc.  Bizarrely, there are men who come on to their wife in the same way they banter, brag, and bash with their guy friends – although it’s usually somewhat scaled down and softened.

These kinds of guys usually feel genuine affection for their wife and they’re always hurt when their wife doesn’t respond in the way they want her to – and they wonder what’s wrong…

Here’s yet another…  Men can have a perfectly wonderful day accomplishing and achieving whatever it is that they are doing, completely happy, and it doesn’t bother them in the least if their wife doesn’t say a word to them all day.  They can then crawl into bed with their wife at night and accept her sexual advances as if it’s the perfectly natural and appropriate thing to do.

But then, they’ll turn around and swear that they are married to the world’s most non-sexual woman because she doesn’t respond to him after he’s ignored her the entire day.

I could give plenty more examples but you get the idea; men know women are different but they frequently act and behave as if they are the same – AND THEY GET LOUSY RESULTS in their relationship with their wife.

Now, I’m going to reveal a MAJOR SECRET to you…

This tendency you have of PROJECTING – of acting and behaving as if others are just like you – well, guess what?  Your wife has the same tendency too.  Let me say it this way…

For the most part, your wife behaves and acts TOWARDS you the way she wants to be treated BY you.

What this means is that all you have to do to start enjoying more intimacy and more sex with your wife is start paying attention to how she is NATURALLY acting and behaving towards you and then start PROJECTING that same type of action and behavior back to her – in a manly way of course.  This will cause her to feel a closer connection with you which you can then parlay into a sexual connection.

Calle Zorro is the author of: How To Be The Best Lover Your Wife’s Ever Had (And Get Your Wife To Initiate Sex More Often)

By Kira Wagner

In biblical times it was referred to as “knowing”. Today the act of sexual intercourse between couples is most often relegated to “having sex” or “making love”.

It isn’t that “making love” is really negative. It’s definitely preferable to “having sex” particularly when your married.

I would just like to take a few minutes to examine how our language might be coloring our perception of the act and the relationship between a husband and wife.

When we look at the term to “know” – among other looser definitions one of them includes – “be cognizant or aware of a fact or a specific piece of information”.

To “have sex” implies the act – without emotional involvement.

To “make love” has been generally regarded as the more intimate version of intercourse between a husband and wife. Then I started thinking about it. If “love” already exists – how can you make it? If the cake is already done you don’t make it again.

In a way “making” love implies that you are attempting to create something that doesn’t exist. You may have the ingredients for love but – it isn’t there in it’s ultimate form.

So if our beliefs lead to our thoughts which dictate our actions and our intent is to “make love” with our spouse, isn’t making love a self-defeating action?

Aren’t we still trying to use the external or physical to create something internal? Something so delicate and beautiful yet blazing with passion that men and women have dedicated volumes to it’s description?

The human race has tried to expand on something that was written (1 Corinthians 13: 1-13) almost 2000 years ago where in the Greek language the word Charity was “Agape” or the broader sense of the word “Love.

And yes – much was written long before then too.

In the end – if you understand the power of your thoughts and words to initiate your actions. The next time you embrace your spouse and wish to enjoy those moments of pure bliss – remember this; you aren’t “making love” – you don’t need to create something new – you are simply sharing an intimate moment (hour or two). The physical expression of the love that already exists between the two of you.

Kira Wagner is a living example of recognizing choices to achieve tremendous results. Born to blind parents, she’s aware that the only handicaps are those we place on ourselves. Kira Wagner is a speaker, writer and coach. For more information go to http://www.sexualfreedomforthemarriedwoman.com.