The One Woman Show In My Head Is Robbing Me Of My Peace

By Lana Moline

The place where I get mad the most is in my mind.  I scream, cry and have a full tantrum all in my head. You see I’m too composed to loose it with the sets of peering eyes standing around jumping to conclusions.  I wouldn’t have that.  So instead, I retreat into my mind way behind the smile and MAC lipglass.  While my neighbor is sharing how great her daughter is doing in dance class, I’m having a knock down, drag out fight in my head because I’ve determined that whatever has happened and whoever has wronged me deserves all of my attention all of the time.  But then I hear something that snaps me back to the present.  “Are you ok,” my neighbor says.  Although I say yes, the blank look on my face says otherwise.

The problem with this is that I’ve given one situation too much power and not put it in its proper perspective. I’ve let it interfere with other areas of my happy existence where it should not have been welcomed.  Life is a highway of experiences and we know all too well how uncomfortable traffic jams are.  The majority of the delay in traffic jams is because other drivers slow down just to see and once they see what is going on then they continue on their way.

So what if we allowed every single setback, disappointment or offending word to cause a major traffic jam in our lives?  The flow of progression would consistently be stalled or delayed and it may even jam up others who are around and those private knock down sessions that happens from time to time would be counterproductive all around.

What I now understand is that sure I can get mad and I may have some onlookers who witness but something amazing can become of that.  As I allow the time to let it go and process, I can challenge myself to move past the pain to accept the lesson and that’s the beauty of it all.  The flaw in having this one woman show in my head was that it robbed me of peace and stifled my witness and the long-term effect of that cycle could have been tragic.  We all need one another to help us to STOP PLAYING AND START PUSHING!  This one is my thank you to The Ma’ats for sharing the journey.

Lana Moline is a freelance writer and poet who lives in Ft. Worth with her three kids and husband Emile. Married 11 years, both media professionals have vowed to maintain integrity in all aspects of print and broadcast journalism.Visit her at www.lanamolinespeaks.wordpress.com