By Ama Yawson
Be honest. I am sure that you have had a girlfriend or two call you and, before you can even say “Hello,” shout through the phone “Girl, I’m done with brothas—too much drama! It’s strictly the swirl from now on!” I’m sure you’ve also read black women’s rants on blogs and comment boards all across the Internet about why they are not attracted to black men or why black men can’t be trusted. Although I fervently encourage all black women to be open to men of any race who can give them the love that their heart desires, I would discourage any black woman from completely excluding black men from her dating pools. Here are just a few of the reasons why:
Black men often have similar interests.
Being black does not completely define who we are—we are human beings first and foremost. But, many black people often have a keen interest in the betterment of black communities. We may be members of the NAACP, Urban League, National Conference of Black Lawyers, National Association of Black Journalists or a host of black Greek organizations. We organize voter registration campaigns and mentorship programs in black neighborhoods. Black men are more likely to share these interests than men of other races. Don’t get me wrong, it is completely possible to find a non-black mate who is genuinely interested in these efforts and it is not necessary that your mate share these interests, but being with a black man may make it easier to share whatever interests and concerns you may have regarding the black community.
Black men are HOT!
There are hot men of every race, color, creed or nationality and the black race is certainly no exception. Black men represent such a wonderful range of hotness, from the hot cocoa lusciousness of Idris Elba to the light-skinned sexiness of Micheal Ealy, black men are often irresistible. That said, it often surprises me when I hear a black woman say that she is categorically not attracted to black men. It shocks me the same way that it shocks me when I hear a black man say that he is not attracted to black women or that he only likes Asian women. Of course, we all may find a particular set of features pleasing to the eye, but that should not mean that we are unable to find other aesthetics sexually attractive. I suspect that people have just closed their minds. When we open our minds and hearts to all of the beauty that the Universe offers, sexual attraction often follows.
Let’s choose character over color
A few years ago, a young man named Martin Luther King made a speech. I think it was called “I Have a Dream.” I wasn’t there but I heard it was a pretty big event in black history. Using a dream that he had for his children as a metaphor, he masterfully and poignantly pointed out ills and horrors of discriminating against people of African descent. Given the way race works in the United States, as black women, it behooves us to remember that, regardless of who we eventually marry, any sons we have will likely be perceived as black men. I know very few people who think that Barack Obama and Paula Patton are in a different racial category than Will Smith and Rihanna. It would be quite sad for your son to be categorically rejected by a black woman he fancies, simply because he is a black man. Why not contribute to an atmosphere where we judge potential mates based “not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character”?
Brothas are Phenomenal Men
There are phenomenal men of all races, including the black race. Just think of the great black men that you know in your family and community. These men are generous, loving, kind, passionate, brilliant and fun to be around. Don’t miss out on a gem just because that gem happens to be onyx.
Black men have not given up on you—don’t drink the Kool-Aid (no pun intended)!
Despite all of the blogs and magazines that display an endless parade of black men marrying non-black women and a list of quotes from black men who say they don’t like black women, most (about 80%) of black men who marry, marry black women. Don’t believe the hype. The majority of black men appreciate and admire the unique beauty, grace, intelligence and vivacity of black women. Shouldn’t we appreciate them in return, even as we open our minds and hearts to men of other backgrounds?
Ama Yawson is the co-founder of loveessence.com, a romantic networking site for black women who are ready for love and all men who are ready to love them in return.