How To Make ‘Couple Time’ A Priority

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By Karen Fusco

You’ve seen them in restaurants – those older couples who eat slowly and quietly without looking or speaking to each other. In your newlywed years, you and your husband gaze at each other knowingly, and promise never to become like that yourselves.

Then …

You have kids. The two of you barely have time to speak to each other, and when you do, you talk about – what else? – the kids!

The only thing standing between you and the couple in the restaurant is time. Right now is the perfect moment to make a decision to place the relationship between you and your husband at the top of the priority list.

How do you do this? The first step is to firmly make that decision that being a couple is the focus of your marriage. This is a lot easier said than done, as children, no matter what their ages, are time-consuming and all-encompassing little creatures.

Don’t be deterred. Once you’ve made the decision, you must back it up with action. Fortunately, the action doesn’t have to be time-consuming or complex. It’s as simple as remembering how it was to be a couple without kids.

Remember things like cooking your husband’s favorite meal. Cook it regularly, and if the kids don’t like it, make them something else. Or even better, feed the children early, and have a romantic dinner for two later (and don’t forget to light those candles!). Not only will your husband appreciate your thoughtfulness, the time will give you two a chance to talk and reestablish your connection.

If your budget allows for it, hire a babysitter on a regular basis and go out. Getting away from the home, children and responsibilities makes it possible for you and your husband to relax and enjoy each other’s company without fear of interruptions or feeling the pressure of your obligations. You can have dinner (or lunch), see a movie or just go for coffee. What you do and the time of day you do it isn’t as important as actually making the time to do something just for the two of you.

Sharing daily household chores is another good way to keep the couple as the center of the family. Your husband can fill dishwasher while you clean the kitchen and put away the food. Or he can clean the kitchen while you make the next day’s lunches. This gives you time to chat, catch up with each other, and stay in touch with what’s on your partner’s mind.

Even cleaning out the garage or attic together is a good way to both stay connected and share the overall workload so that neither of you feel overburdened and underappreciated. Those negative feelings work against any relationship, so sharing chores ensures that this won’t happen to you. Together activities will reinforce your bond as a couple.

What about having that first cup coffee together before the children get up? If you’re feeling adventurous, take your morning shower together! Most often couple time comes at the end of the day when you’re both too tired to fully appreciate it – just about the time you’d rather fall into the deepest sleep possible. Making time for each other at the start of the day, however, means you’re giving each other a portion of what is likely to be the best part of your day. And couple time should always be the best part of you and your partner’s day.

Karen Fusco is co-founder of http://www.SilkBow.com which supports Busy Moms with free gift ideas and helpful tips to meet the challenges of motherhood. SilkBow is the perfect place for the perfect gift. Karen can be reached directly at: karen@SilkBow.com

10 Signs Of Emotional Unavailability

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By Darlene Lancer

If you’ve ever been in a relationship with someone emotionally unavailable, you know the pain of not being able to get close to the one you love. They’re evasive, make excuses, or are just inept when it comes to talking about feelings or the relationship. Some use anger, criticism, or activities to create distance. You end up feeling alone, depressed, unimportant, or rejected.

Usually women complain about emotionally unavailable men. Yet many women aren’t aware they’re emotionally unavailable, too. When you get hooked on someone else who is (think Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big), your problem is disguised as his. This keeps you in denial of your own unavailability.

There are several types of unavailability, both temporary and chronic. Some people have always been unavailable due to mental illness or a troubled childhood. Others temporarily make something a higher priority than a relationship, such as a family obligation, education, project, or a health concern. People recently divorced or widowed may temporarily not be ready to get involved with someone new. In the middle are those who are too afraid to risk falling in love because they’ve been hurt by one or more relationships, which may include being hurt by a parent when they were a child. Often these different reasons for unavailability overlap, and it’s difficult to ascertain whether the problem is chronic or will pass.

If you’re looking for a close, committed relationship, a person living in another state, or who is married or still in love with someone else is not going to be there for you. Similarly, addicts, including workaholics, are unavailable because their addiction is the priority and it controls them. Still, some people give the appearance of availability and speak openly about their feelings and their past. You don’t realize until you’re already in a relationship that they’re unable to really connect emotionally or make a commitment.

10 Signs of Someone Unavailable Emotionally

Here’s a list of more subtle red flags that may signal unavailability, especially when several add up. They apply to both genders. Following them are questions to ask yourself to find out whether you’re ready for a committed relationship.

1. Flirting with flattery. Men who are too flattering may also be adept listeners and communicators, like snake charmers. Often good at short-term intimacy, some lure with self-disclosure and vulnerability, but they prefer the chase to the catch.

2. Control. Someone who won’t be inconvenienced to modify his or her routine. Typically, commitment phobics are inflexible and loathe compromises. Relationships revolve around them.

3. Listen. Your date may hint or even admit that he or she isn’t good at relationships or doesn’t believe in or isn’t ready for marriage. Listen to these negative facts and believe them. Ignore vulnerability, bragging, and compliments.

4. The past. Find out if the person has had a long-term relationship and why it ended. You may learn that prior relationships ended at the stage when intimacy normally develops.

5. Perfection seekers. These people look for and find a fatal flaw in the opposite sex and then move on. The problem is that they’re scared of intimacy. When they can’t find imperfection, their anxiety rises. Given time, they will find an excuse to end the relationship. Don’t be tempted to believe you’re better than their past partners.

6. Anger. Notice rudeness to waiters and others, revealing pent-up rage. This type of person is demanding and probably emotionally abusive.

7. Arrogance. Avoid someone who brags and acts cocky, signaling low self-esteem. It takes confidence to be intimate and committed.

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50 Ways To Say I Love You

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By Jamie Jefferson

A giggly game of Trivial Pursuit and a tall margarita. After nine years of marriage, that is how my husband and I last expressed our love for one another.

It is important to say I Love You with both passion and frequency. And we can say it not only with our words but with our actions, with our facial expressions and body language, even with our thoughts. Lasting intimacy comes from an everyday appreciation and a reverence for the daily moments we spend in the company of one another.

Here are 50 simple ways you can demonstrate the depth of your love. (I have used the words he and she interchangeably here. The following ideas are not gender specific.)

1. Write down fifty favorite memories of your life spent together so far. Invite your partner to add to the list, as well as to share special ideas for the future.

2. Leave a message on her voicemail with a silly, romantic poem. (Roses are red, violets are blue . . .)

3. Make a CD featuring the songs that have been important in your relationship. Slip it into the CD player of her car.

4. Bring homemade cookies or brownies to his office with a simple love note.

5. Spoon.

6. Surprise her with some bath salts and her favorite magazine. Then take the kids out of the house for the evening so she can enjoy some time alone.

7. Stash a love note in his shoe.

8. Spend some time talking about all the goals you have been able to accomplish during your time as a couple. Reflecting on the things that you have been able to do with the strength of the other, including the challenges, can really help you to remember and to celebrate the depth of your relationship and how you have supported one another through it all.

9. Serve her breakfast in bed.

10. Give him some time one Saturday to do something he enjoys but rarely takes the time for.

11. Buy her luxurious new silk pajamas that will make her feel treasured and cherished each time she puts them on.

12. Create a special sign (such as a specific hand gesture) that means I Love You, just between the two of you.

13. Listen without interrupting.

14. Give her a few minutes of time alone when she first gets home from work. Sometimes, we each need a bit of time to process the transition from work life to family life.

15. Watch a sporting event together.

16. Place a single daisy on her windshield.

17. Kiss.

18. Surprise him by purchasing his favorite DVD or the latest CD of his favorite vocal artist.

19. Talk lovingly about your partner to others, and avoid criticizing your mate to your friends or family. Even if your words never make it back to your partner, the tension and negative energy will eventually wedge its way between you.

20. Talk a walk together.

21. Rub his back.

22. Dance to your favorite song.

23. Re-create your first date.

24. Light candles at dinnertime.

25. Write a love note and slip it under his pillow.

26. Send a romantic text message.

27. Send flowers, just because.

28. Keep a scrapbook of your love, from first meeting through courtship, through marriage. Write a few journal entries about how your love for one another has evolved as you have grown together, and the new kinds of energy each new phase of your relationship has created.

29. Take him out to lunch.

30. Make her coffee so it is ready when she gets up.

31. Jot down 20 things you love about him and slip it under his dinner plate.

32. Cook her favorite breakfast.

33. Choose a book you both will enjoy, and read it aloud together.

34. Rent a romantic movie.

35. Slip a Hershey Kiss and a Hershey Hug into her coat pocket.

36. Write about the feelings you felt when you first met your mate. Write about the first time you knew you were in love.

37. Celebrate special days in your relationship with unique traditions and rituals.

38. Have you been holding a grudge against your partner? Today, forgive it and move on. Witness how much power the act of forgiveness injects into your relationship.

39. Rub her feet. 40. Find creative places to write I Love You: in whipped cream on a slice of pie, carved into the side of an apple, in the steam on the bathroom mirror. 41. Bring flowers to her in the middle of the day. 42. Spend a few minutes together in bed each morning. 43. Call his mother and father and thank them for creating such a wonderful son.

44. Do a chore that is typically reserved for him. 45. Tell her she looks amazing. 46. Write her a love letter and mail it. 47. If she has had a rough day at work, bring home her favorite take out and a bottle of wine. 48. Create a marquis on your screensaver that declares your love.

49. Choose your favorite photo of the two of you as a couple and frame two copies: one for each of you to take to work.

50. Play a board game or a game of cards. (Margaritas optional.)

Jamie Jefferson writes for Momscape, http://www.momscape.com .

Real Love Requires Self Love

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By Dr. Lisa Love

As a counselor I have often told people that they need to learn to love themselves. Yet, while saying this to others, I have at times taken pause to reflect and ask myself, “What does that really mean? How do we know the difference between a self-love and a selfish love? And, what can we do practically to love ourselves in the right way?”

I believe true self love fills us with enough joy, peace, and love that our desire to be loving human beings grows. Because of this we want to express more empathy, compassion, and understanding towards others. Selfish love does the contrary. It increases our sense of self-loathing or our disdain and anger towards others. It causes us to act increasingly in our own best interests without considering the interests of others. It causes us to want to sacrifice others needs and desires in service to our own, instead of the other way around. Or, it causes us to self-destruct through a number of behaviors that may feel good temporarily, but ultimately they lead to the shutting down of our hearts and spiral us downward into increased self-loathing and self-reproach.

How then do we love ourselves in the right way?

By first and foremost learning what love is. Then, by insisting that we feed ourselves with that love. This is best done by finding people who know how to love. From them we learn how to adopt loving mindsets, feelings, and behaviors. And, it is done by setting boundaries on people who don’t know how to encourage the greatest level of love in us. Because when we truly have that kind of love in our lives we are increasingly a blessing to others. Which is why real love requires that we love ourselves in the right way, so we can have the strength to love, the wisdom to love, and the energy to love those who need our love the most.

Dr. Lisa Love is the founder of LoveMovies! and also the best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction; ATTRACTING REAL LOVE: 4 Steps for Finding the Love You Want; and SOUL SUCCESS: How to Create Joy & Prosperity in Good Times or Bad; MEDITATION: The Path to Peace. Contact her at www.drlisalove.com or lisa@doctorlisalove.com.

Is It Love OR Lust?

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By George Wood

In a relationship it is very important to be able to tell the difference between love and lust. You have to define your own priorities first in order to judge your partners intentions. Love is profound, deep and infinite. Lust on the other hand is a temporary longing, a shallow feeling and one-dimensional craving. Relationships based entirely on lust are often very short-lived. Physical attraction is also the basis of love, so telling them apart sometimes becomes difficult.

Love is defined as an emotion which drives you to sacrifice everything you have for the person you love. You can test your partner by placing him/her in a compromising situation and seeing their reaction. Love is based on complete trust and mutual understanding. If the two of you argue a lot and then do not make any conscious efforts of making up afterwards, then chances are your relationship was merely based on lust and there was no love involved. Love has a positive effect on a relationship and even after fights your relationship strengthens because you come closer in making apologies and doing everything in your control to make each other happy.

Because a relationship based on lust is temporary, both partners will eventually start looking for other people to satisfy their needs. Lustful relationship could be fulfilling for a short time but they are disastrous in the long run. There are fights to no end, arguments over nothing and no respect for each other. Another noticeable difference between a loving relationship and a lustful relationship is that the latter starts with a much more passion. There are phone calls and dates that last all day long and in the beginning it seems as if there is nothing separating this couple. However, as time passes this passion dies down and their supposed love for each other gets forgotten and they start having fights and eventually break up.

People who are truly in love base their relationships on respect for each other, compromising behavior and selfless attitude. They are ready to sacrifice anything for their partner. Lustful relationship brings two people close only to have fun and both of them are selfish in their demands. They do not have any respect for their partner and do not have any commitment plans in their minds.  In order to save yourself from getting hurt you have to understand your partners real intentions behind going out with you and showering you with gifts. Make sure you two have good plans for your future life together and that both of you stick with those plans in order to realize them.

George Wood is a successful webmaster of many popular sites including www.DatingShare.com

The Power Of An Apology…

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By Beverly Engel

When I was 35 years old, I divorced my mother. I felt that under the circumstances, it was the only thing I could do. I had long felt that she had damaged me with emotional abuse while I was growing up, and during my adulthood she continued to treat me in ways I didn’t like. I became so emotionally and physically stressed when I was with her that it affected my health. So I made the difficult yet necessary decision to stop seeing her. The estrangement lasted three years. During that time, I wrote a book titled Divorcing a Parent, in which I told about the experience of divorcing my mother and encouraged others in similar situations to consider doing the same. Then one day the phone rang. When I picked it up the person on the other end of the line said, “I’m sorry.” It was my mother. Waves of relief washed over me. Resentment, fear and anger drained out. Much to my surprise, those two simple words seemed to wipe away years of pain and bitterness. They were the words I had been waiting to hear most of my life.

I knew that it had taken all the courage my extremely proud mother could muster to say them, so I didn’t have to belabor the point. The important thing was that she was saying she was sorry—something she’d never done before. I could tell by the tone of her voice that she truly regretted the way she had treated me.

Of course, this was only the beginning of the story. Although I believed her apology, I didn’t yet know if her behavior toward me would be different. This I tested over time. But by apologizing she had acknowledged that I had a reason to be hurt and angry, and that was extremely empowering for me.

Apology changed my life. I believe it can change yours, as well. Almost like magic, apology has the power to repair harm, mend relationships, soothe wounds and heal broken hearts.

Apology is not just a social nicety. It is an important ritual, a way of showing respect and empathy for the wronged person. It is also a way of acknowledging an act that, if otherwise left unnoticed, might compromise the relationship. Apology has the ability to disarm others of their anger and to prevent further misunderstandings. While an apology cannot undo harmful past actions, if done sincerely and effectively, it can undo the negative effects of those actions.

Apology is crucial to our mental and even physical health. Research shows that receiving an apology has a noticeable, positive physical effect on the body. An apology actually affects the bodily functions of the person receiving it—blood pressure decreases, heart rate slows and breathing becomes steadier.

Emotional Benefits of Apology

*A person who has been harmed feels emotional healing when he is acknowledged by the wrongdoer.

*When we receive an apology, we no longer perceive the wrongdoer as a personal threat.

*Apology helps us to move past our anger and prevents us from being stuck in the past.

*Apology opens the door to forgiveness by allowing us to have empathy for the wrongdoer.

*Apology Benefits the Receiver and the Giver

The debilitating effects of the remorse and shame we may feel when we’ve hurt another person can eat away at us until we become emotionally and physically ill. By apologizing and taking responsibility for our actions we help rid ourselves of esteem-robbing self-reproach and guilt.

Apology has the power to humble even the most arrogant. When we develop the courage to admit we are wrong and work past our resistance to apologizing, we develop a deep sense of self-respect.

Apologizing helps us remain emotionally connected to our friends and loved ones. Knowing we have wronged someone may cause us to distance ourselves from the person, but once we have apologized we feel freer to be vulnerable and intimate.

And there is another little-talked-about benefit: Since apologizing usually causes us to feel humiliated, it can also act as a deterrent, reminding us to not repeat the act.

The Connection Between Apology and Empathy

To forgive, most people need to gain some empathy and compassion for the wrongdoer. This is where apology comes in. When someone apologizes, it is a lot easier to view him or her in a compassionate way. When wrongdoers apologize, we find it easier to forgive them.

This is likely because when someone confesses to and apologizes for hurting us, we are then able to develop a new image of that person. Instead of seeing him through anger and bitterness, the person’s humility and apology cause us to see him as a fallible, vulnerable human being. We see the wrongdoer as more human, more like ourselves and this moves us.

Michael E. McCullough, Ph.D., Steven J. Sandage, M.S., and Everett L. Worthington Jr., Ph.D., examined whether the effect of apology on our capacity to forgive is due to our increased empathy toward an apologetic offender. They discovered that much of why people find it easy to forgive an apologetic wrongdoer is that apology and confession increase empathy, which heightens the ability to forgive.

McCullough, who is the director of research at the privately funded National Institute for Healthcare Research in Rockville, Maryland, believes that apology encourages forgiveness by eliciting sympathy. He and his colleagues published research in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology that supports this hypothesis.

BLAM Fam, Given all that you’ve just read and learned: Who do you need to apologize to today?

Beverly Engel is a contributing writer for Psychology Today. View her other writings here.

Should I Allow My Unemployed Man To Move In With Me Before We Get Married?

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VIDEO:  Hi! I need some perspective from a loving married Black couple. I watch your advice videos and love the messages you put out there and the positivity. My question is , I’m newly engaged as of last month 🙂 and my fiance lost his job the same week. This is the 2nd time since I’ve known him he’s lost his job due to the recesion. (lay offs) He was out of work for a few months and found a job and now got laid off from this new job. His savings is almost run out and he said he may need to stay with me if he can’t get a job soon. (He has said he has no debt (just the cost of my engagement ring) has always paid his rent and ongoing monthly bills timely to date) To give a little backstory-We met last summer 2010 and started as friends first. By Spring2011 our friendship developed into a full blown relationship with marriage potential. We are equally yoked in our faith, values and overall goals of family etc. I’m 33 and he’s 44.  He’s  a godly man, my friend and love, quiet  & simple guy.  I’ve never married & quite old fashioned and he’s divorced no kids (the ex cheated on him) My concern is seeing how we just got engaged and planned on marrying end of the year (Dec) in a small family only ceremony (elopement). All this change is overwhelming to begin with (singledom to marriage) but also, I’m really concerned about entering marriage if I’m the sole provider. We have had discussions of our perceptions of what a mans role and a woman’s role is. He has said, he is to provide and share with the house hold with the wife. I talked with my fiancee and expressed to him , to me,  it’s important he have a job before we enter marriage. We agree our household will be dual income . His response was , “if we were already married would you kick me out? I said of course not, I’d hold things down until you found work. “To him he doesn’t see the difference. However to me it’s different. Like going to the Olympics. You want to train and be at your optimium potential/performance level to play the game. Am I wrong for thinking this way? I’m a practical person and Love him too but don’t want to be a fool. He did express of course he would never mooch off me and contribute in other ways, like groceries, cleaning, cooking etc. ( He has demonstrated this- I’ve seen it)  Also , he just started with very small investing that’s another way to potentially make income. (That’s his plan B) My parents don’t know about his job situation but are very observant. They are always mentioning to me and expressing their concern about me marrying my fiancee” can he provide, can he provide for you. You’ve always held it down for the family, but you should be taken care of and provided for”. I’m feeling so overwhelmed. 🙁  I know marriage is a huge step and nothing changes. I wouldn’t change anything about my fiancee, I know what I see is what I get. I know we’ll have tough times. I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with carrying the majority of the load ENTERING marriage under stress. I don’t want to do something I’ll regret or have resentment toward my fiancee. It’s not my position to cohabitate before marrying either but I don’t want to see him out on the street if he can’t get a job by end of the month.  So potentially I’d be sacrificing my stance for the sake of love. I’m concerned I’ll become resentful. The other side of me thinks, times are tough, the recession is taking it’s toll, perhaps this is all a test of our love? Maybe I need to change how I think/my perspective? What do you think? Is it too much to ask my fiancee to secure a job before marrying? (we can always reset the date) He’s actively looking and going on interviews, but what if he doesn’t land a job? Potentially worst case scenerio he could be living with me cohabitating and I’d be providing for us both in the next month. Please help. Any advice input is greatly appreciated. Thank you !

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What Can I Do To Better _________ You In Our Relationship?

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VIDEO: This past week we challenged couples to actively demonstrate gratitude in their relationship by simply saying Thank You to the one they love for the seemingly insignificant and obviously extravagant acts of love they’ve been shown. In this video we’re gonna take humility and sacrifice to another level by challenging you to intentionally enter into a space of vulnerability and ask your spouse ……What can I do to better (Blank) you in our relationship. You fill in the blank with sex, communicate with, provide for, emotionally connect with, etc etc etc. By asking this simple question you are demonstrating (puttiny your love into action) that you want to work on your relationship and you’re opening the door for honest critique & communication. And, yes, critique is ok because it is a vital part of  the pathway to growth.

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 CLICK HERE for INDIVIDUAL or COUPLES COACHING with Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at (MSW, LCSW-C)

 

How To Replenish When You Feel Like You’re Running Out Of Gas

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By Egypt

When becoming a part of a unit, the lessons that we learned as individuals….almost always become null and void. They do not lose their validity, however, we may as well forget what Saved By The Bell said love was going to be like.

Before two people can claim to love each other, they must both agree on what the meaning of love is AND agree to reciprocate loving behavior and be able to replenish one another…even when on “E”. Yes, it is possible to replenish…..even when it is temporarily felt as though you don’t have the energy to do so. I don’t suggest doing so, on a regular basis, but we are all capable of this action. I am in a loving relationship, with my best and most organic friend, and I couldn’t be more grateful. It was not a fairytale road, rather, a road paved with cobblestones of tears. We happily embrace every aspect of the part of the journey that we have traveled and the continued yellow brick road ahead. There were times that I wanted to walk the hell away…I would have crying fits and…then just pray…meditate…journal and play my music. I would not allow sad music to be played and when he made me mad or hurt my feelings, I would just love him harder…(replenishing while on “E”)..I was very much drained. Being that I could see him as being significant early on, I could not let elements of fear and previous experiences derail me from my deserved happiness. We both came from levels of brokenness, however, we have always provided nourishment to each other.

5 Ways to Replenish WHILE on “E”-

 

5. Be honest with yourself, about being on “E”.- It’s not healthy to pretend that you are “ok”, rather acknowledge that you are not, but that you are making a conscious decision to sacrifice, for the greater good of the relationship.

 

4. Make mental or written note of what is bothering you. – This isn’t holding on to negativity, but rather “bookmarking” your personal state of mind/emotion. Since you have decided to make your partner your main focal point temporarily, you’ll need to keep track of what is going on with self, so that it can be addressed later on.

3. Prepare for an “extended stay”. – There is NOT a clock on how long/short you will be here. Ideally, your mate will not be vacationing in “Me-Ville”, for too long. In the event that you feel like you have been there too long, it is important to let them know. Healthy relationships require proper and effective communication…PERIOD.

2. Don’t be moved by what others base their relationships on…this one is yours. – My fiancé and I always joke on how we are “Sh!tting on married people”, because we have a phenomenal chemistry, that is rooted in a spiritual connection, truth and mutual principle. Beyond our understanding, we are soul mates. We faced plenty of so-called unorthodox relationship challenges. Certain things I took in stride, would’ve made another woman stroll on out of the door. Not I…Which brings me to #1…

1. No Secrets….No room for error or misunderstanding. –  Flat out and period. No matter how ugly or uncomfy…you can not allow for people/situations, to create and exploit rifts. Nobody can tell me about my King…I know EVERYTHING about my King, in regards to our relationship…Plenty of women say those very same words…however, I speak/write them with complete confidence; all couples should be able to say those very same words about their mates. Not to say, that we won’t have any secrets/unknowns and personal privacies, just that any debilitating info is exposed to each other. We need not be afraid to ask the hard questions, nor do we need to be afraid to hear the real and actual answers.

Egypt is 29 y/o and resides is St. Louis, MO with her fiance. She is a budding freelance writer/author, graphic designer/spoken word poet and singer/songwriter.

Personal motto: “The promotion of positive energy and love, will yield the sweetest of fruit.”


 



A Love Letter To My Husband: From Aiyana To Ayize

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By Aiyana Ma’at

I wrote this love letter to my husband about 2 years ago. I’ve been in such a lovey dovey mood lately that I decided to print this out today and give it to my boo. After seeing how much it made him smile I thought about how easy it was for me to do that. It can be so easy to make our spouse happy if we just take a minute to pause and remember who they truly are to us and what they mean to us. Decided to run this again in hopes that someone will be inspired to stop, pause, and write a love letter to the one you love…

Ayize doesn’t know I’m doing this but I just had to…. I was so inspired by a song I heard yesterday on one of my Facebook Friends pages. It just made me think about my relationship with my bestfriend, my boy, my confidante, my lover, my husband—Ayize Ma’at and I knew what I needed to do.

Dear Ayize,

I’m taking the time today to make sure you know…… I want you to be ever so clear about the depth of my love for you and my commitment to you, our marriage, and our family. I need you to know the impact you’ve had on my life. Ayize, the love I have for you is overwhelming and indescribable. I heard a song yesterday by Kindred The Family Soul. It’s called “Stars” and I just “felt” it when I heard it. But, the reason I felt it baby is because of you. It’s because of you that the wounds that my “on again, off again” father left early on in my life haven’t stayed as deep and painful as they used to be. It’s because of you that today I can say that I honestly know what it feels like to trust someone completely. It’s because of your willingness to hold on tight and never let go that I know what commitment is really about in the first place. It’s because of your cool calmness that I have been able to really look at myself and learn new ways of being and communicating. It’s because of your ability to affirm me and allow me to be me that I have the self assured confidence that I have about myself….it’s because of you Ayize. When I begin to doubt myself and feel fear creeping up from behind I now know to deliberately stop whatever I’m doing, pause, and say to myself the words you first said to me “Just be”. It’s because you aren’t ashamed to say you love me, respect me, and see greatness in me that it makes it all the more easy for me to look at myself and find the greatness too. It’s because of your honesty with me…your willingness to call me out but then kiss me on the forehead or the nape of my neck that I have been able to learn how to accept and grow from criticism instead of letting it seep into my spirit and kill my self-esteem. It’s because of your vulnerability and your sharing your secrets with me that I feel and know that I’m important enough and worthy to be trusted. I love traveling life’s journey with you baby. So much of who I am today and have yet to be is because of you. Thank you King. I love you. Today. Tomorrow. Forever.

Here are the lyrics that inspired this letter. Listen to the song below.

Listen to the song below…

“We’ve come so far

Stars look up to you, baby

My heart belongs

Right here next to you, baby”

As always, leave a comment or submit a video response. Anyone out there inspired to do their own video love letter to their sweetie? Send it in and we’ll put it up! Here’s the song that inspired my love letter to my husband…..

 

 

 

Previously published. Running again in honor of Black Marriage Day, March 17, 2013!