VIDEO: Have you ever had someone hurt you in a relationship but swore up and down that they loved you? Your response was probably “if you really loved me you wouldn’t hurt (lie, steal, cheat) me”. What if we said that’s not true. Listen to this video and hear how it’s possible for love and hurt to coexist. “Note* We are not excusing inappropriate behavior…we are examining it.”
By Cucan Pemo
Are you in a tough spot in your marriage right now? Every relationship has its problems and its rough patches, but that doesn’t mean that you need to give up when the going gets tough. For many couples, they can actually work through their problems to create a stronger relationship. Sometimes the hard times are actually learning lessons in disguise. Here are just a few tips for getting started on the right foot.
Listen
There’s nothing more damaging to a relationship than a partner that doesn’t take the time to listen. In fact, that fact alone might be the thing that has led to the feelings of dissatisfaction with a marriage. In order to be a good partner (on either end), you need to be able to remain quiet and talk through problems until both partners are satisfied. Be quiet when they are speaking and try to really listen to what they are saying.
Understand
But listening only goes so far when you’re trying to work out problems in you relationship. If you do not really understand where they are coming from, you might be creating more problems. When they are expressing themselves, you want to ask questions when appropriate in order to clarify what they are saying to you. Even if it seems uncomfortable at first, it’s important that you make sure that you understand where they are at and how you might be able to help.
A positive attitude
Why start off a rough patch by thinking that it will never get any better no matter what you do? When you’re trying to work through problems and issues, you will want to make sure that you’re going into it with a positive attitude. You don’t need to be sugary sweet, but you should start to look at your troubles as learning lessons rather than the doom of the relationship. Try to think about happier times when you start to become negative in order to turn your thinking around.
Be present
When a partner isn’t fully in the moment of trying to fix a relationship, the work becomes a one-sided affair. You need to be able to fully be there for your partner when you need to work through tough times. This might mean that you need to take a few days off work or devote certain times to discussing ways to fix your relationship. These times should be uninterrupted by work obligations or time commitments so that neither person feels rushed or distracted.
Stay calm
While you might be upset about the way that things have turned out, you need to remember that being calm is the best way to see things more clearly. Try lowering your voice when you talk – it automatically lowers your blood pressure and your anger. Try to take a few deep breaths before you say anything – this will help you to be clear and calm as you speak. Many people perceive becoming flustered or upset as being angry, and that can lead to a poor environment for working through issues.
Make plans
One of the best ways to help save your marriage is to start creating long term plans with your partner. While this might not seem like the best idea at the time, it will create the idea that you are both going to make it through the rough patch that you have stumbled upon – somehow. Try to make plans for vacations or other far in the future appointments. This will create a little less pressure because the future isn’t so vague and unable to be seen in the dark that you are experiencing at the time.
Cucan Pemo is a freelance writer who has contributed to various online publications.
By: Karen Cooper Johnston
Not all verbal abuse is name calling, shouting or accusations. The stone faced quiet types can cause just as much mental and emotional distress as an out of control partner can. The flip side of a screaming, physically abusive partner is the silent selfish partner. Whether it’s never using words of appreciation to being a selfish lover, the quiet narcissistic partner runs the show through intimidation. By withholding feedback or not considering your feelings; in some cases not even caring to hear what your feelings are, the mental abuse leaves you filled with self doubt. Self doubt is the narcissist’s favorite fuel source.
Many spouses who commit this kind of mental abuse may not be aware that their behavior is hurting you. They may not have the intention to commit mental abuse but because they are so self-absorbed they rarely have the skills to behave better. Since the function of self-absorption in the narcissistic personality is to protect a shattered ego identity, NPD spouses are threatened by the mirroring partner’s needs.
If you are suffering mental abuse it is worth considering that your partner may be suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder and that there are steps you can take, changes you can make in yourself that you can put into action right away to begin changing the dynamics of your relationship.
Asking your mentally abusive partner to recognize himself in his bad behavior is futile. Mental abusers won’t take responsibility for themselves, preferring the blame game to self-accountability. If your mentally abusive spouse is afraid of being abandoned, he might use belittling, isolation or abandonment itself to keep you from leaving him.
None of this has to be hopeless however. Once you understand that the abusive husband or abusive wife is only acting the way they were taught to deal with stress, shame, and feelings of insecurity, you can choose words and actions that will support the underlying needs the abusive words and behaviors are cloaking.
Over time the abuser’s subconscious will perceive support and trust will build. Reading books, listening to radio shows and signing up for email support on the topic of narcissistic personality disorder are all excellent ways to train yourself how to be a smart, competent ally in the fight for a healthier relationship. Learn more at www.narcissismcured.com
At Narcissism Cured we help you to deal with the person who is suffering from the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the friends and family members do not have to suffer forever. There are techniques and activities through which a person suffering from NPD can be cured of this disorder. Visit our website http://www.narcissismcured.com/ for more information regarding Domestic Abuse
By: Dr. Ray And Jean Kadkhodaian
Relationships are a living, breathing entity that takes on a life of its own beyond what each individual contributes. Besides the fact that relationships progress through stages of development depending on a multitude of factors, there are three fundamental dynamics that apply to all of them.
The first dynamic is, “The Law of Attraction”. People attract each other for a reason. Your partner is the perfect person to help you learn how to change, even if you end the relationship. The good news about this dynamic is that if you do not heal what is wrong in your current relationship you will get another chance in your next relationship. You will continue to attract partners with similar issues until you learn what your piece of the destructive pattern is. Doing the work to learn from this dynamic will change all of your relationships for the rest of your life for the better!
The second dynamic is, “It is easier to see outward than inward”. Couples are often very clear about what they believe their partner needs to change, but never focus on what they need to change within themselves. The only place of power you have in a relationship is to understand how you personally are contributing to and influencing the relationship. Each person is 50% responsible for the condition of their relationship, and it is the responsibility of each person in the relationship to understand what they have the power to change and how to respond to the things that they cannot change.
The third dynamic is, “Communication”. Most people have never learned all the complexities of communication including the biological factors and learned behaviors that unbeknownst to them contaminate communication. Most people report that they feel misunderstood, unfairly judged and invisible in their relationship. Communication can often become an endless dance going round and round in circles but always end up in the same stalemate. Couples need more than to just “talk more”, but to identify the problems in their communication and learn more effective ways of connecting with one another.
In recognizing and being cognizant of these three dynamics, couples can attend to the challenges that being in a relationship evokes. Changing one’s perception of these challenges into one of opportunity versus hardship can often be the factor that makes the difference between having a healthy and happy relationship or not.
By Mary Jo Rapini
It’s difficult to maintain passion and a connection in a relationship over a long period of time when you’re confronted with the rigors of life. The challenges we face in our romantic relationships expose our strengths and our weaknesses. Occasionally our frailties are so significant that the impact they have on our spouse and our relationship leads us to spiral toward a state of resentment. Once resentment rears its ugly head it has the potential to wreak havoc on your relationship. Does that mean your relationship is then doomed to fail? The short answer: No. It’s not easy but it’s definitely do-able!
Sleeping with the enemy was a movie that came out in 1991. It was based on a couple’s violent, obsessed, and dangerous relationship. The couple appeared like the perfect couple in public, but behind closed doors the wife (played by Julia Roberts) was in fear of her life. When your relationship struggles with resentment, it can feel like you are sleeping with the enemy. The resentment is felt deeply by one of the partners and, although it is rarely discussed openly, the tension can be felt by anyone close to the couple.
Resentment is not caused by one thing, but many things that happen. Resentment forms when someone is hurt by someone they love intensely. Feeling unappreciated, ignored, controlled or misunderstood can turn into anger and, since it is not discussed, the anger is held in. You cannot hold anger in for long without it trying to break through. It breaks through by criticizing your partner, picking on your partner, being irritable with your partner, and threatening your partner with divorce or separation.
When you are resentful, you no longer look at your partner with respect or love. Making love becomes rarer or a mechanical, emotionless act. Resentment builds over years. I have some couples who have been resentful of their partner for over ten years. A divorce typically takes 7 years to create, and the majority of those 7 years are seething with resentment. Couples who come in for counseling when resentment has taken over have a long, bumpy road ahead of them. It is not insurmountable, but it does take constant attention and a shared commitment on both sides. Resentment is like a cancer in that sometimes by the time you identify what it is, you have run out of time for a cure.
Suggestions for dissolving resentment:
1. The quickest and surest way to dissolve resentment is to communicate. You need to get the issue out in the open and talk about it. Try to put yourself in your partner’s position and understand what they were thinking and feeling. Make sure they also put themselves in your shoes so you can explain how you felt and the thoughts you were thinking. This is not a time to fight to “win” anything; it is a time to understand.
2. You may feel that holding on to resentment is punishing your partner, but it is really hurting you too. People who are resentful become bitter, and most of their relationships are harmed by their anger.
3. Allow yourself to think of your resentment for a set amount of time each day. Limit it to ten or fifteen minutes a day. When you feel resentful, it is easy to forget all the wonderful aspects of the person you are resentful of. The resentment taints everything the person says or does. When you take control of how much you allow yourself to think about it, you also control how much impact it has on your life.
4. Journal your thoughts. Many times this prevents spewing angry, bitter words to your partner. It also makes it less likely the anger will affect your health.
5. Counseling is beneficial when resentment has taken over your relationship. Counseling will help unravel the anger and resentment, and it will also help you resolve the conflicts while supporting the relationship.
Resentment cannot exist where forgiveness is practiced.
For the full article CLICK HERE
By Dr. Patty Ann
We all have our own individual “hot buttons”. I am pretty sure you know what I mean but here are a few examples. You might have a particular way you like to hang the towels in the bathroom or a special way you like to fold your clothes. On a more serious note, you might hold a staunch political position or religious belief.
Whatever your partner’s “hot button” might be, it doesn’t make any sense for you to antagonize and challenge them about these issues because it is a losing proposition. In case you are unaware of your partner’s “hot buttons” they are the topics you bring up which always ends up in a fight.
Now I am not suggesting you cannot have a healthy conversation about differences and emotionally loaded issues in your relationship. What I am suggesting however; is the importance of having to accept the fact that there will be issues where you and your partner will never see eye to eye. It is during these situations where it is best to respectfully agree to disagree with your partner.
All couples have issues that cannot be resolved. For example, you are never going to convince your partner that your way of loading the dishwasher is the right way, or your political view is the correct one. A healthy relationship is not predicated only upon the similarities a couple shares together. Rather, a healthy relationship is also manifested in the ability for couples to disagree with each other on emotionally sensitive issues. The manner in which a couple agrees to disagree reflects the health of the relationship.
The next time an issue comes up in your relationship that pushes your partner’s “hot button” remember that the issue will probably remain unresolved between the two of you. In these circumstances, (and we all have them) the key for a healthy, happy relationship is to respectfully agree to disagree.
Dr. Patty Ann is a world renowned relationship expert coach and a licensed psychotherapist who has helped HUNDREDS of people LEARN HOW TO increase romance and happiness in their relationships. Dr. Patty Ann has been happily married for 25 years. While raising 4 children together, Dr. Patty Ann and her husband have seen all the ups & downs that a relationship goes through and ARE STILL IN LOVE AND COMMITTED TO EACH OTHER. Visit her at www.relationshiptoolbox.com.
VIDEO: In life and in relationships there are moments when you find yourself at a crossroad… tired of living like you’ve been living, scared as hell and unsure of what your next move should be. This young lady shares the turmoil she’s been experiencing in her marriage and asks what she should do. Confusion is all around it seems…but I once read somewhere that Confusion is the mental and emotional outgrowth of knowing exactly what needs to be done, and having that knowledge clouded by the belief that you are not good enough, smart enough, or strong enough to do it. There is a fear that if you do what needs to be done, you might not get it right or that somebody will get mad at you, etc. The natural response to this self-defeating mental chatter is for the intellectual mind to shut down resulting in what we call confusion. The truth is that when we find ourselves at these crossroads in our lives we need to trust the small still voice within, do what is necessary, and trust and know that you will make it through.
By Skye Thomas
This statement has stopped many a war in my house. My oldest two children are two years apart in age and would fight about everything and nothing when they were little. One would anger the other and then deny that it ever happened. One would accidentally harm the other during play and not want to accept responsibility for the other’s anger. Seldom did a day pass by that one of them wasn’t screaming at the other for some horrible crime. It never failed when I would be brought in to mediate, they’d both claim they were innocent and the other was bad. How many times did one of them try to convince me that the other was lying and just trying to frame them for a crime they didn’t commit. What’s a parent to do?
I really believe very strongly in teaching my kids to be accountable for their actions and choices. I want them to have their eyes wide open and to know full well that when they make a bad choice, bad things are likely to happen. And when they make good choices, that good things are likely to happen. I’ve worked really hard to get them to grasp the concept that if you treat people badly, they won’t like you. Also, don’t mess with other people’s stuff without asking. Doesn’t matter if you are a beautiful child of God. Nobody will want to hang out with you. Simple facts of life, but I don’t see it being taught as much as I’d like. They say that we learn our social skills from our siblings and the neighborhood kids. We role model what our parents show us, but we practice it on our peers.
One of the things I hated most in my own childhood was being forced to apologize for things I didn’t do. I also hated being forced to apologize when I was simply defending my person or my property from a known attacker, mainly my younger sister and brother. I have also had too many adults in my life apologize for things they were not sorry for and then later they just repeat the same actions over and over again. When people say they’re sorry, I often think to myself, “Good then don’t do it again.” Changing the behavior is so much more important to me then just offering up the words, “I’m sorry.” I wanted to teach my children that you should never offer fake apologies and you should only apologize when you really mean it. However, I also wanted them to take responsibility for the environment of anger that they were helping to create. Somehow I had to find the perfect peace-making face-saving way to teach all of these concepts.
What I finally stumbled across was a twisted compromise. When you are feeling falsely accused of something and the other person won’t back down, then you simply say, “If I hurt you, then I’m sorry.” Then you bite your tongue, hard. Don’t say another word. Don’t snicker and don’t sneer. Just say it straight faced and let it go at that. You can tell yourself that since you did NOT hurt them, you are NOT sorry. They can tell themselves that you are sorry since they feel that you did hurt them. You don’t actually confess to any crimes. Besides what if on some level without knowing it, you did hurt them in some way? Wouldn’t you want to have said sorry for at least that tiny part? Soon peace began to show itself at my house. They would both smugly tell themselves that they had won the war of the day. I would get the much needed peace and tranquility that I needed.
It didn’t take long at all for me to see that this statement works just as well in the adult world too. Try it at work on a coworker some time and see how well they respond. Try it in your marriage. Try it with your extended family. It works on so many different levels. It can be said in light disagreements or in major all out family wars. It always works. On some level you mean it, except for the parts where you don’t. Don’t get into arguing over exactly what parts of the fight you are sorry for or taking blame for. Agree not to bicker over the details of the apology. You can expand it to say, “If during our disagreement, I have said or done anything that has hurt you, I am sorry. That was not my intention. I never wanted to hurt you.” You are not lying and you are offering an olive branch. You really did not want to hurt the other person. You simply wanted to make your point. This allows you to save face but still begin the healing process. Try it sometime.
I don’t think it works for really heinous things like rape, murdering someone’s loved one, arson, or all out military warfare. It only works for forgivable stuff. If you believe everything and everyone is forgivable, then you can try saying it, but I expect nobody will really buy into it. If Hitler said it to the Jewish peoples or Charles Manson said it to his victims’ families, I doubt seriously that it would have created any real peace. When something truly ugly happens, you do have to flat out admit full guilt and a full real apology is mandatory before real forgiveness and healing can even begin to occur.
This form of apology isn’t for that sort of thing. This is meant only for the hundreds of petty squabbles that we get drawn into and it’s a way to create a general atmosphere of peace and healing. This is for the people that you ultimately want to stay close to. This is an apology for those annoying people that you love with all your heart, but don’t want to fight with anymore.
By Preston Ni, M.S.B.A
Most of us want to meet and settle down with the “right” person, and most of us want such a relationship to last. Have you ever seen an elderly couple holding hands, taking a romantic walk on the beach or in a park? You may think to yourself: “That’s how I want to be when I grow old.”
It’s a wonderful notion: having someone as your mate in a happy and lasting relationship. At the same time, over fifty percent of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. Between what we want, and the reality of our society, there’s a deep chasm of false hopes and unfulfilled promises. What are some of the most important ideas when it comes to making your love last? Below are seven keys to long-term relationship success.
1. Do You Trust Your Partner?
Trust is the first and perhaps most important predictor of long-term relational success. Without trust, none of the other six predictors that follow will have much meaning. Ask yourself the following questions:
For some of us, trust is a complicated matter. Some people trust blindly. They are with someone who has shown time and again to be untrustworthy, yet they continue to give that person underserved chances. As the saying goes, “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.” To allow a chronically untrustworthy individual to be one’s significant other is to create an inherently insecure relationship, which may ultimately lead to disillusionment. Evaluate your partner’s trustworthiness based not upon unproven promises or wishful thinking, but on a strong overall record of dependability.
While some people trust blindly, others have trust issues. Often due to negative experiences from the past, there are those who can’t trust a committed relationship, or the opposite sex, or people in general, or even themselves. In romantic relationships, they struggle to trust their mate, no matter how dependable their partner is. Here, of course, the trust issue is likely within oneself. Ask honestly whether the lack of trust is based on solid evidence or unjustified fears. If the answer is the latter, it may be beneficial to seek counseling and support, to allow oneself to trust appropriately again. Don’t allow fear push away a good man or woman in your life.
“For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our friends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe. Marriage is a scheme to accomplish exactly that same end.”
– H. L. Mencken
2. Are You and Your Partner Compatible in the Dimensions of Intimacy?
Authors Ronald Adler and Russell Proctor II identified four ways with which we can feel closely connected with our significant other. The four dimensions of intimacy are:
Physical – Hugging, kissing, caressing, cuddling, holding, and other forms of physical affection. Physical intimacy certainly includes sexual intercourse, but doesn’t have to. As long as other aspects of the relationship remain sound, physical intimacy between partners can often last a lifetime, even if sexual potency diminishes due to factors such as health, age, and stress.
“Millions and millions of years would still not give me half enough time to describe that tiny instant of all eternity when you put your arms around me and I put my arms around you.” – Jacques Prévert
Emotional – The ability to effectively express and validate tender, loving emotions, in a manner that’s nourishing and constructive, and being able to respond affirmatively when the other person does the same. For example: “How are you doing?”, “How are you feeling?”, “I love you,” “I appreciate you,” “I like it when we talk like this,” “I’m glad we’re spending this time together,” “You’re very important in my life,” “I’m sorry.”
A person’s “heart withers if it does not answer another heart.” – P. Buck
Intellectual – Can brains be attractive and sexy? Absolutely! Especially for those who feel a sense of kinship when they engage in discussions or endeavors with a partner whom they feel is an intellectual equal.
“The marriage was a meeting of hearts and minds both. Madame Lavoisier had an incisive intellect and soon was working productively alongside her husband (chemist Antoine Lavoisier)…they managed to put in five hours of science on most days – two in the early morning and three in the evening – as well as the whole of Sunday, which they call their day of happiness.” – Bill Bryson
Shared Activates – Interactions that build a positive memory bank of shared experiences. Examples include playing, cooking, dancing, exercising, art-making, traveling, worshipping, and problem-solving together. In this dimension, it’s not just the activity that matters, but whether two people are able to bond while interacting with one another.
“When partners spend time together, they can develop unique ways of relating that transform the relationship from an impersonal one to an interpersonal one.” – Ronald Adler and Russell Proctor II
Here’s a quick exercise to check you and your partner’s compatibility in intimacy. List the four dimensions as follows:
_______________________________________________________
Partner A Partner B
Physical
Emotional
Intellectual
Shared Activities
_______________________________________________________
Next to each dimension, rank whether this is a “Must” have, “Should” have, or “Could” have for you in your romantic relationship. “Must” means this dimension is crucial for you, without which you would feel the relationship amiss. “Should” means this dimension is good to have, but you don’t necessarily have to experience it every day. “Could” means this dimension is relatively unimportant – you can take it or leave it.
After answering for yourself, next ask your partner to rank, or on your own put down how you think your partner would prioritize. Below is one example of some possible combinations:
_______________________________________________________
Partner A Partner B
Physical Intimacy Must Must (Excellent Comp.)
Emotional Intimacy Must Should (Good Compatibility)
Intellectual Intimacy Should Should (Good Compatibility)
Shared Activities Could Must (Poor Compatibility)
_______________________________________________________
The more “must-must” and “must-should” combinations between you and your partner, the greater the possibility of an intimate relationship.
If there are one or more “must-could” combinations, dialogue with your significant other to see if the “Could” can be transitioned to a “Should”. For example, a partner who’s not very physically affectionate can learn to give a hug a day, or a spouse who’s emotionally reserved can learn to share important feelings when necessary. While some expressions of intimacy may come to us more naturally than others, we’re all capable of learning and growing in new directions.
When left unreconciled. The “must-could” combination, even if manageable in the short term (perhaps due to the intensity of sexual attraction and/or relative newness of the relationship), may in the long run become problematic. Few experiences in a romantic relationship feel more lonesome than an unmet “Must” need for intimacy.
Since relationships are not static, a couple may evolve in the dimensions of intimacy. Even similar intimacy preferences need flexibility to mesh and jell. Understanding one another’s priorities, and connecting in ways that are important to both partners help ensure long-term relational success.
“Complex, fulfilling relationships don’t appear in our lives fully formed. Rather, they develop one encounter at a time.”
“The key to a happy marriage isn’t having a “normal” personality but finding someone with whom you mesh.” – John Gottman
3. What Type of Person Shows Up Within You in this Relationship?
Consider the friends in your life. Do different friends bring out different sides of you? Maybe you’re more reserved with one and more rambunctious with another. Perhaps you’re patient with some and quarrel with others. A friend may trigger your higher or lower tendencies.
Just as a friend can elicit a particular side of you, so does your partner. Consider the following questions:
Your honest answers to these questions offer important clues to the long-term health and happiness of your relationship.
“Around people who are positive…I’m happier and able to be who I am.”
– from the Internet
4. Does Your Partner’s Communication Lift You Up or Bring You Down?
Dr. John Gottman of the University of Washington, a foremost expert on couple studies, concluded after over twenty years of research that the single, best predictor of divorce is when one or both partners show contempt in the relationship.
Contempt, the opposite of respect, is often expressed via negative judgment, criticism, or sarcasm regarding the worth of an individual. In communication studies, this is known as being “tough on the person, soft on the issue”. An effective communicator knows how to separate the person from the issue (or behavior), and be soft on the person and firm on the issue. An ineffective communicator will do the opposite – he or she will literally “get personal” by attacking the person, while minimizing or ignoring the issue.
For example:
Ineffective communication: “You are so stupid!”
Effective communication: “You’re a smart person, and what you did this morning was not very smart.”
Ineffective communication: “You never do any chores. You’re useless!”
Effective communication: “I noticed that you didn’t do the chores this week.”
Ineffective communication: “You’re always forgetting about me – do you even have a clue?”
Effective communication: “I know you have a lot on your mind lately, and I think it would be good for us to have a date night to reconnect.”
Contemptuous communication works like poison – it destroys the health and well-being of a romantic relationship.
By Team BLAM
Ever run into a brick wall, so to speak, with your mate? Can’t seem to pass Go without collecting 200 fresh wounds? Well, it’s time to build a bridge and tear down that brick wall. Here are your tools:
ATTITUDE: Get an attitude adjustment first. Lighten up and do a 180-degree about face. Read the Sunday comics, grab an old comic book, turn on the Comedy channel, watch funny videos or DVDs. Get in a better mood and pass it along to your mate. Invite your mate to have a good a$$ laugh with you every once and a while.
FRIENDSHIP: Go back to being friends for starters now that you’re in a good mood. Forget the love stuff, if you want. And just focus on being good friends; share compliments, do things for one another, go out and have fun together, be present while enjoying each others company.
RELAX: Take a chill pill (figuratively speaking of course). Let your hair down. Trust and relax. Be yourself. Don’t let old wounds open or fester. Forget the garbage memories and just be in the here and now together.
TIME OUT: If possible, spend extra time together for awhile, like during your original courting days. Hire a sitter, order out, eat at fast food places, grab ice cream cones and go for walks in the park. Get to know each other all over again. That’s soooo important. Then you’ll remember why you fell for each other in the beginning and history will hopefully repeat itself.
COMMUNICATION: Take it slow and easy. Slowly re-learn to communicate with each other all over again. If necessary, hit us(Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at) up for some support. No need to go it alone. Find your weak areas and how to over come them and plan for future communication difficulties.
GOALS: Gradually develop goals together so you’ll have singularity of purpose. Write them down in a notebook just for the two of you. And over time, develop them, revise them, cross them off your list. The idea is to HAVE goals together and work towards a common goal.
SCRAP BOOK: Create a memory album together. Add photos, clippings, menus and anything that reminds you of the good times. Then when tough times comes, you’ll have your faith and something physical to hold, experience, and help sustain your relationship.
So if you’re “going through” right now….don’t just sit back and sulk. Take short steps to improve your relationships and let life’s problems magically pass by while you hold on to your relationship.
