5 Things You Can Do To Resolve Issues In Your Marriage NOW

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It is time to lift the veil and admit that being married is only tough for those who are uneducated about marriage. Education  is the great equalizer no matter what.

Here are five simple ways to resolve marriage issues that you can start using right now.

1) Stop being angry with your spouse and stop demonstrating your anger.

Anger is the equivalent of doggy do. It stinks, it sticks, and nobody wants to step in it. If you are angry with your spouse all you are doing is blocking the sunshine of love. Don’t try to tell me you can’t help it. It is your mind that is infected with anger and it is YOU who can rid your mind of that anger or at the very least control your response to your anger. If your spouse is angry at you then you need to become very compassionate and understanding without pandering.

2) Stop making such a big deal of things you won’t even remember tomorrow

The world is constantly poking at you, I know. But don’t take it out on your spouse. If they do something that appears to be offensive towards you it is up to you to remind yourself that they are not perfect either and obviously suffering at the hands of the world also. Face the world together. It is better to take things in stride by looking past them and seeing the love in the heart of your spouse. That is what attracted you to them in the first place. Look past everything else and love them with all your heart.

3) Re-evaluate your expectations

Most people live day to day looking forward to a vacation or a birthday party. Be different; think of ways you can improve yourself as a human being and focus on that work. If you do that your expectations about how you should be treated and what is fair will soon dissipate and cause you no more grief.

4) Become a channel of God’s love

When you see yourself as a working servant for God you won’t have time to entertain so-called issues within your marriage because you will be too busy showing your spouse how much you love them.

5) Be grateful for what you get and what you have

The suffering in this world is more than anyone could bear and the potential you have for love and security is a gift you should accept with an open and grateful heart.

The rules for a harmonious marriage are accessible to everyone. And the logic behind using the rules could not be simpler….it’s us who make things complex. So,  follow the rules and have a great marriage!

Couple Refuses To Let Hurricane Sandy STOP Their Wedding

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Latisha and Baron Lattimore’s house in Brooklyn was flooded with water up to their waist just one week before their destination wedding at Orlando’s Waldorf Astoria hotel.

Wedding gown in hand and determined not to let the storm cancel the event, the couple pleaded with airline companies to get them on a flight to Orlando, but all flights were canceled.

The two improvised and chartered a bus to Orlando with all 80 of their wedding guests.

The wedding went off without a hitch Friday night, complete with a fireworks display as the minister said “You may kiss the bride.”

“We are just so very thankful to be here and to be together,” Latisha Lattimore said.

The couple planned to honeymoon in Orlando, but they cut it short to go back to New York and help with cleanup efforts.

Love Poem: “Vacationing In You”

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 By Lana Moline

As I sit and stare into your eyes I am vacationing in you. I am soaring on the coast on a jet ski because your beautiful brown eyes sparkle like rippling waves. As I listen to you talk, I am reminded of a smooth jazz fest on an Autumn night – just smooth. Every word in sync, every idea expounds on the other all put together like the best combination of strings, base, percussion and you as lead vocalist. I hear the train conductor call all aboard as you ask “are you with me” because I’ve dazed off so far into your words. My eyes are closed but I’m not asleep. I’m just envisioning you perform amidst the rose petal covered stage, donned in a tailored tuxedo singing love songs to me and only me. I hear the applause and smile because, Jill Scott was right – “I’m blessed.”

 

This is the kind of vacation that makes me not want to return to work. I want to stay as long as I can to take in your splendor, just like a wonder of the world. You are too amazing. I’ve never seen anyone like you. I’ve never known anyone like you. I’ve never experienced anything like you. You are breathtaking and invigorating and I have a feeling I will need something cool to drink in a minute. Here comes the waiter now, maybe I’ll order something tropical since I’m on the Island of Love or maybe it’s too late because it seems like I’ve already had something intoxicating. I’m spinning like the wheels on this boat as we sail further away from the shore so no one will hear. When we reach the shore, we are greeted by the islanders and whisked off to dancing and dinner and hours of delight.

 

On the dance floor, you reach out for me and we move in step and suddenly it feels like no one else is there. It’s like I am flying high above the clouds as the flight attendant asks if I need anything. But I have everything that I need already. I look out and see our future written in the sky next to that ribbon that Stevie was singing about and for a while we coast, hand in hand with our seats leaned back just enjoying our flight with no cares, leaving the worries behind. The destination is incidental, it’s the journey that’s most important and making sure that we both arrive together. As I head to baggage claim to pick up my things, I smile and say “thank you for the vacation of a lifetime. It was more than I imagined it would be.

When can we go again?”

 

Lana Moline is an integral part of the Blackloveandmarriage.com writing team, freelance writer and poet who lives in Ft. Worth with her three kids and husband Emile. Married 11 years, both media professionals have vowed to maintain integrity in all aspects of print and broadcast journalism.Visit her at Lana Moline Speaks.

Is Your Spouse Making You Fat? 5 Steps To Stop Relationship Weight Gain.

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By Violet Smith

From your first kiss to your first time meeting each other’s families, relationships offer many exciting, and stressful, experiences. It can also be a stressful experience for your waistline as well.

According to research from the journal Obesity, dating and cohabiting can lead to weight gain. The 2009 study looked at 1,293 dating, cohabiting and married romantic couples, and found that over five years, women who were dating put on an average of 15 pounds, and those living with a romantic partner gained 18 pounds. Men also have an increased risk of becoming obese as they stay in a relationship, but not as much as women.

Why? Researchers say that when people, particularly women, start a new relationship, they often adopt some of their partner’s less-than-healthy behaviors. In addition, they may cut back on workout time to spend more time with their new partner.

Easy Steps To Avoid Relationship Weight Gain

Stay Home More. Dining out can be hard on both your wallet and your waistline. Save cash and some calories by eating at home. Find a healthy recipe together, go to the grocery store to pick up the ingredients, then spend the night making a healthy dinner together. Once dinner is ready, light some candles, turn on some music and enjoy your romantic evening in.

Be More Active Together. Dates that involve more activity, such as dancing, bowling, walking and skating, give you the opportunity to burn some calories and get to learn more about your loved one.

Watch Your Portions. When you’re going on a lot of dates, it’s easy to get wrapped up in conversation and not notice how much you’re eating. You might even order foods you normally wouldn’t eat, such as heavy appetizers or decadent desserts. When the date of your dreams asks you out for ice cream, it’s hard to say no, right? So instead of saying no, think small. When you’re out, be sure to put your fork down between bites, order healthy foods whenever possible, and remember to listen to your hunger signals.

CLICK HERE to read more.

Does Gabrielle Union Have “Marriage Fever”?

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In a recent interview with Justthefab.com, Gabrielle Union opened up about her relationship with D.Wade, what it feels like to turn 40 and if she wants to get married and have a baby with the NBA star.  She was asked if she had “baby fever”?  She responded by saying I’ll get “baby fever” after “marriage fever”.

10 Steps To A More Emotionally Secure Relationship

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By Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D.

Good relationships almost never just happen. They usually are a combination of hard work, honest communication, and going the extra mile to add a little magic.

Here are ten tools that long-term successful couples use to make their relationships work.

1.Talk and plan for the future. Goals are important to your overall happiness, and having a contingency plan in case of an emergency will allow you to enjoy your time together more thoroughly.
2. Compliment your mate. Kind words, given at the right time, are fuel for the future to those who are fortunate enough to receive them. Giving compliments to the one you love helps to keep you connected.

3. Ask questions. Show interest in what your other half is doing by asking about what’s going on in his or her life and how he or she is feeling about things. This will create an opportunity to keep your emotions balanced.

4. Be considerate of your partner’s feelings. Making a joke at someone else’s expense alwaysstings the other person. Name-calling is downright insulting. If you engage in this dangerous game, stop while you still have someone to play with.

5. Take care of the business side of your relationship. Money is the cause of nearly one-third of all divorces. If you’re having financial issues, get some professional help to get back on track.

6. Be accountable for your actions. If you screw up, admit it and apologize if it’s called for. Keep your word and know that trust is something that is continually earned.

CLICK HERE to read more.

Understanding Why Your Wife Has Staged A Protest In Your Marriage

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By Dr. Richard Nicastro

It is extremely distressing to feel as if your words and actions have no impact (or no longer matter) to your spouse/partner—to think that someone whom you love deeply is no longer engaged fully in the relationship or interested in what’s important to you can be extremely painful.

When you feel like your spouse/partner is not being responsive to you (and to your needs), two outcomes become likely:

1. Initially, you may “up the ante” in order to have some kind of impact on your spouse/partner– this might involve yelling, becoming more provocative, elevating your emotional responses, acting in ways that are uncharacteristic for you (in attachment literature these types of reactions are called “protest” behaviors—your protests are a reflection of losing something extremely important to you; this can be the love of your partner, the security of your relationship, or both).

Is it fair to say that at some point most of us would react negatively (protest) if we perceived our spouse/partner to be unavailable and unresponsive to our needs?

2. When you feel ignored for extended periods of time, your sense of despair can turn into feelings of hopelessness—you give up on trying to engage your spouse/partner and begin to retreat (this is a self-protective behavior—in essence, you’re cutting your loses). This may take the form of indifference, withdrawal behaviors, and disengaging from the relationship in general (and the responsibilities that are a part of the relationship).

Typically a protest reaction isn’t random: Protest behaviors (getting really upset when your partner isn’t responding in predictable ways that make you feel secure in the relationship) occur in a particular context; and the triggering event is usually feeling anxious about losing the security of your relationship.

Relationship Help: Let’s break down this reaction:

An unresponsive/disengaged/uninterested partner =>

triggers increased anxiety and worry in the other partner, who then =>

attempts to reengage the unresponsive partner (for example, “We need to talk,” or “What’s wrong?”) =>

and if the other partner is still not responsive, protest behaviors are triggered.

Your protest behaviors (whether your protest behaviors are perceived as nagging, pestering, yelling, or some kind of increased emotionality like anger) are in effect attempts to try and correct the problem—ideally it’s an attention-grabbing reaction that will let your spouse know that something is wrong that needs fixing.

Think of protest behaviors as an alarm sounding in an effort to grab your partner’s attention to what needs to be addressed.

Marital/relationship problems can arise when these temporary reactions (feeling one’s spouse/partner is unconcerned and unresponsive) are not addressed and become ingrained patterns.

I hope this sheds some light on why you seem to get so upset with your spouse (or why we all get upset with our spouse/partner at times). Whenever we allow a loved one special access to our hearts, feeling ignored by this person is going to feel like a major deal.

Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach with over fifteen years experience helping individuals and couples live more fulfilling lives.

Cut ‘Em Some Slack….Show A Little Grace And Gratitude

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VIDEO: When our lives are surrounded by drama…that infectious spirit can occasionally seep into our relationships causing us to nit pick and gripe about every little thing. While it’s Ok to voice your complaints or concerns in your relationship, it’s also Ok to cut your partner some slack. Your partner won’t get it right or be “on point” all the time…and that’s Ok. Cut ’em some slack!

*Note* this video is 2 years old BUT the message is timeless.  Listen. Love. Learn.

*Giveaway Alert* FREE Assessment & Plan For 1 Couple

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By Ayize Ma’at

What’s up Fam,

B Intentional, LLC in conjunction with Howard University’s School of Social Work MSW Program is offering a FREE relationship (psycho-social) assessment, case plan, and genogram for 1 couple.

We feel that the fastest and most efficient way to fix a broken relationship is to first get a clear understanding of why it’s broken.    You may currently be in a healthy relationship that could use a dose of passion.  You may currently be in a hum drum relationship that is weighing heavily on your heart as you watch the days and years slowly pass by.  You may be ready to walk out the door and turn towards a new life as you turn your back on your relationship.  Whatever the need….WE ARE HERE TO HELP.

Our standard Relationship Assessment, usually sold for $87, is being offered for FREE as a part of Howard University’s Master’s of Social Work Program case presentation assignment.

*Note* Your identity will be kept strictly confidential (pseudonyms will be used to protect your identity.)

The assignment consist of a recorded interview, either by phone, video, or paper where questions will be asked about you and the presenting problem in your relationship.

A group of 5 Howard MSW students will review your answers to the interview questions and use a therapeutic approach to prepare for you and the class (10 students) a psycho-social assessment, case plan, and genogram upon completion of the assignment.

The benefit to you is that you can use this information to better understand who you are, why you are where you are in your relationship, and what you can do to improve the quality of your relationship.

You will receive a copy of the Relationship/Psycho-social Assessment, case plan, and genogram within 30 days of the interview.

*Note* I (Ayize Ma’at) will be conducting the interview.

Again, there is only space to give away 1 Assessment so please let me know ASAP if you are interested.  You can indicate your interest by sending an email to (info@bintentional.com) and putting FREE ASSESSMENT in the subject line.  Please include in the body of the email why you want the free assessment and whether both of you are willing to participate.

So stop wondering whether you should get a Relationship/ Psycho-social ASSESSMENT and ask yourself “Am I worth getting a Relationship/Psycho-social ASSESSMENT?”  

 WE THINK YOU ARE WORTH IT!
As always…Stop Playing & Start Pushing
*Note* The offer for this FREE psycho-social assessment, case plan, and genogram will expire once we receive a suitable candidate OR at 11:59 pm EST Nov. 5th (whichever comes first).

One Lie Too Many. How Much Is Too Much?

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VIDEO: Do you keep finding yourself in relationships with habitual liars, abusers,or (you fill in the blank)? Do you find yourself attracted to people and situations that bring misery to your life? When we continue to find ourselves in the same situation again and again—each time with slightly different characters—we must stop and ask the oh so necessary question: What is the same and who is the same?

So often we find ourselves saying things like: “Why do men always____?” or People always treat me like____!” In reality, the people are changing from situation to situation but the behaviors and experiences we are having are the same and we are the common denominator in each situation!

In this show we help a viewer work through some messy stuff in her relationship by advising her to take a deep look at herself to see why she keeps attracting the same old junk.

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CLICK HERE for INDIVIDUAL or COUPLES COACHING

CLICK HERE to get a RELATIONSHIP ASSESSMENT

CLICK HERE to learn how to communicate better in your relationship.