18 Bad Dating And Relationship Habits To Kick To The Curb For Lent (Or Anytime)

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By Annie Scudder
A few days ago Lent began, and whether you’re religious or not, you might be giving up vices like soda or sugar. Why not make your love life a little sweeter while you’re at it. Here are some bad dating and relationship habits to swear off. We have ideas for single and taken women.
  • Hiding your true self. You want to be that “cool girl” who doesn’t care if he hangs out with the boys every weekend. But if it bothers you when he doesn’t give you enough time and affection, tell him. It’s the only way you’ll find a truly happy, sustainable relationship.
  • Focusing on his flaws. Is his hairline receding? Did he talk about his job a little too much when you first met him? Did he make an awkward joke in front of your friends? If you focus on these minor flaws, instead of your overall connection, you’re never going to get past the first date. Don’t settle, but also give a guy a chance to impress you.
  • Focusing on your flaws. Whether you get down about the fact that it’s been ages since your last relationship, or that you’re more shy than your other friends, don’t let that dictate your dating life. Instead this Lent, think about what makes you and your personality attractive and promise that you’ll accentuate those qualities.
  • Worrying constantly about what your friends think. Don’t let your friends’ opinion of your man’s job, personality, looks, or background influence you too much or turn you off from a guy. Listen to their earnest advice, while trusting your own feelings for him.
  • Limiting yourself to a type. Don’t let the words “he’s not my type,” leave your mouth, whether you’re online dating or getting set up on a date.
  • Waiting for his text or call. Stop letting his text or lack thereof make or break your day.
  • Second-guessing yourself. Did it bother you when the guy you’re dating bailed on a plan or said something rude to a friend? Don’t worry about whether you have a right to be upset. Trust your gut and act accordingly.
  • Taking your relationship for granted. For Lent, give up taking love, be it romantic or for a friend or family member, for granted. Tell the important people in your life why you love them, in person, with a postcard, or when they do something that makes you happy.
  • Picking fights. If you’re feeling grumpy after a hard day at work, vent to your partner, rather than getting mad at him about something unrelated like his dirty laundry. And if you’re actually mad about the clothes pile, tell him straight up in a constructive way.
  • Comparing your relationship to others. Did your friend just get engaged? Are you wondering why your boyfriend isn’t buying you lavish birthday presents? Just worry about your own expectations and needs and communicate them to your partner, instead of measuring yourself against the relationships of others.
  • Making your partner guess what’s bothering you. Just be honest with your man if it bothers you that he didn’t invite you to hang out on Friday night with his friends, or if you’re bummed he didn’t do something special on your anniversary. If you shut down communication, give him the cold shoulder, and expect him to figure out what’s wrong, he won’t be able to address the problem and your resentment will grow.

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How To Get An Emotionally Unavailable Man To Commit

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By Chris J Roberts

There are men who simply enjoy the art of dating. Their lives are full and they only want to have fun in the dating circle. What if you were the woman he constantly turned to for fun? Do you think he would reconsider to make a commitment? Possibly; but keep in mind that the road to commitment with an emotionally unavailable man is long and hard.

If you are willing to put in the time and effort to get a commitment, you could be the woman that makes him see relationships in a different light. Keep in mind that you need to show him. Nothing you say will convince him. It must be something he sees with his eyes and feels in his heart.

Men commit when they feel the woman in their life enhances their life without demands and complications. No amount of time or conversation will change a man’s mind about being in a relationship. Your job is to let him see that you are the woman that makes his life fun, exciting and stimulating.

A non-committal man will avoid a nagger like the plague. If you constantly remind him you are the best thing that has ever happened to him, he will cease to hear your words. He doesn’t want to be convinced that you are the woman for him; he needs to feel it. Nagging him will most certainly cause distance between the both of you and eventually he will avoid you and your frustrating conversations.

You will have to change your thought process to be with a non-committal man. You need to let him have his space and not question him about it. You will have to become understanding of his need to have his friends and toys. When he decides to spend his time with you, make the best of it. Don’t remind him of how long it’s been since you’ve seen him or heard from him. Simply enjoy the time he has made for you.

Use your time together to establish a relationship that gives him something no one else gives him. Allow him opportunities to talk to you with a level of comfort he doesn’t experience with anyone else. Encourage his thoughts and opinions with criticism or judgment. Allow him to relate to you on a level above and beyond physical attraction.

If he knows that he will have fun, exciting and intellectual experiences when he is with you, he will seek out your time for those experiences. Patience is the key with Mr. Emotionally Unavailable Men. Be patient, understanding and unpredictable. Keep him guessing what’s next with you and give him a new experience every time he’s with you. Mr. Unavailable Men is looking for new ways to have fun. Give him what he’s looking for and he won’t look any further.

 

Should You Be Required By Law To Take Your Husband’s Last Name?

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By Mona Lisa Macalino

As an engaged woman, I was both surprised and appalled when I read an article on The Stir stating that 50% of Americans believe it should be legally required for a woman to take her husband’s last name. My first thought was: Who took this survey anyway, a bunch of people from Middle-of-Nowhere America (no offense, really) who’ve been completely cut off from the modern world? I mean, hello, this is the 21st century! What happened to women’s equality?

This opinion is surely rooted in tradition, just another way for the U.S. to use laws to protect what’s “right” or “normal.” Not taking your husband’s last name is widely considered taboo, like when children call their moms by their first names instead of “mom” (which I admittedly think is weird and a tad inappropriate, but nothing to make a law about).  CLICK HERE to read more.

Is This Romance OR Is This Friendship?

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By Margaret Paul, P.h. D

James, in his middle 30s, was ready to meet his life partner, get married and have children. After dating many women, he met Cindy.

“She is really beautiful, although I’m not sure she’s my type. But I think she is perfect for me. We have the same interests, the same values, we go to the same church, and we both want children. My friends who meet her think she’s dynamite.”

“But…?” I could hear hesitation in his voice during our phone counseling session.

“I don’t know. There doesn’t seem to be a spark, and I don’t miss her when I’m not with her. In fact, I rarely think about her when I’m not with her. And our conversation doesn’t seem to flow easily. We run out of things to talk about. Maybe the spark will grow. Does that ever happen?”

“Why not spend a little more time with her and see how you feel?”

It became apparent within a few months that the spark was not going to grow and the conversation was not going to flow. James still did not look forward to seeing Cindy.

“James, it doesn’t seem that this relationship is going to become what you want it to be. Perhaps it’s time to move on.”

But James was afraid of ending up alone, afraid he would not meet anyone as sweet as Cindy. He ended up staying in the relationship with her for two years before finding the courage to leave.

James and Cindy were wonderful friends, but not good life partners. Romance just wasn’t there. He loved her, but he never fell in love with her.

Abigail found herself in the same position as James, only she had stayed in the relationship with Andrew for 7 years, hoping that romance would grow. She knew at the beginning of the relationship that she was not sexually attracted to Andrew, but he was such a nice guy and he really loved her.

The sad thing is that Abigail really wanted children, but by the time she finally left the relationship, it was very close to being too late to have children.

Why didn’t she leave sooner?

“I hate being alone. I don’t know that I can be alone, and I’m afraid that I won’t find another partner. Besides, we are best friends.”

Both James and Abigail could have saved a lot of time if they had understood the difference between friendship and romance.

It is my experience that, if the spark and the flow aren’t there at the beginning, they generally won’t develop. I won’t say never, because I have seen a few relationships where the spark did develop over time, but this is generally not the case. If the spark does not develop within the first six months of the relationship, then it is time to move on – unless a companionship relationship is acceptable to you. But if spark, flow and romance are important to you, then accept that you and your partner have a wonderful friendship but not a romance.

James soon met another woman, Val, with whom he had romance. He was very attracted to her and they could easily talk for hours. But he soon discovered that romance itself is also not enough. Val did not share his spiritual beliefs, his values, or his interests. Her rigid religious beliefs deeply conflicted with his deep spiritual beliefs, and he knew he could not raise children with her beliefs. He realized within the first few months of the relationship that none of this was going to change so he moved on, now open to finding a woman with whom he can have it all.

“Am I too picky?” he asked me.

“No!” Stay solid on what you want and you will find it!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah. Visit her at innerbonding.com.

Getting Over The End Of A Relationship

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By Carmel Brulez

Being in a relationship that works and which brings you the fulfillment and enhancements to your life that you were seeking is a wonderful thing which very few people achieve. We all look for different things in a relationship and whether or not we find them often depends on how realistic we are.

Years ago I knew a lady who was approximately 70 years of age, she was no oil painting! had a lot of health problems, was not particularly educated, witty, bubbly or exciting, lived in a very small rented flat and had a lot of money problems. But she had decided that the only man she would be interested in would be one who was very young, extremely handsome, had a fast sports car, was health and fit and had a huge income. Of course, what she wanted was unrealistic and it never happened.

Those who believe they have got into a good relationship that is fulfilling and working are happy for as long as that relationship lasts. When it ends this stops, they become unhappy and maybe bitter, confused, angry and other negative feelings too. If they truly believed that the relationship was fulfilling to them then the odds are that they were wanting to stay in it and the other person ended it because they felt differently.

The initial reaction to a failed relationship is hurt but then one starts to think about things and this is where anger, resentment, confusion and sometimes revenge kicks in and takes over. Some hate the idea the relationship is over so much that they would make desperate efforts to get back with their ex, regardless of how much information and proof is telling them that it can never happen. This may be because they miss their ex or it may be because they hate being on their own or cannot cope on their own or have a lot of pride and worry about what other people think.

The best way to get over a break up is to be more philosophical about it. Instead of devaluing yourself by thinking as if you need your ex to be happy tell yourself that if your ex is stupid enough to prefer to be with someone else or alone rather than with you then your ex is not worthy of you and by ending your relationship your ex did you a favour. If your ex is not capable of realising what a good pair you make or how unhappy they would be without you then they have done you a huge favour by ending it. You do not want to be with someone who needs to be persuaded to be with you or where you are not good enough for them as you are.

Now you can enjoy being single again and getting used to many advantages that come with that role, and you can also look forward to one day meeting someone who appreciates you more and values you more so that they will not want to walk away from a relationship with you when that happens.

A relationship should not be hard work, it should be fun and enhance your life. If it is full of confusion, worry, upset, arguments, sulking or fears then the price you are paying is far too high.

Chasing after your ex and trying to persuade them to return is pointless. Either they will come back simply because it makes life easier and then change their mind again later, or they will refuse you and you will be hurt all over again. But why lower yourself to being with someone who is less keen than you are? Value yourself more. The more you value yourself the better type of partner you will get and that relationship is far more likely to be happy and to last too.

Carmel Brulez has worked as a relationship expert and life coach for many years.  You can see more from her at http://www.askagonyaunt.com

Stimulate Your Love Life With The Secrets Of Feng Shui

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By Jacob Jelling

Feng shui relationship secrets and advice can help you create and maintain a solid relationship. Everyone wants to find their soul mate and keep them. Those who have a partner in life may want to make their intimate life brighter and strengthen their bond. Here are some feng shui relationship secrets for those who want to attract, retain and strengthen their love.

Let’s start with the basics – making a home attractive for relationships. This can be achieved with the Bagua octagon – a tool for improving energy in any premises. It helps to relate the environmental elements with the aspects of life. According to the octagon, the southwest direction is responsible for relationships. Its color is brown. Its symbol is earth. This sector is connected with your partner, whether current or potential.

The first is the front door. The vital energy Qi penetrates through the door into the home, so the door should attract it. The Qi accumulates near the door, and is let inside by the incoming or outgoing people.

There are three optimal directions of the front door. Southeast: helps to preserve peace and prosperity in the family. If your door faces this way, you don’t need to add anything. Southwest: helps to build harmonious and stable families. If your door faces this way, you can add colors / symbols of wood next to the door, such as an image of bamboo or plum blossom. West: helps to increase romance and pleasure. If your door faces this way, you can add earth elements next to the door, such as crystals or objects of stone.

Even if your door faces another direction, it’s not a problem. Decorate it using the color brown or place plants there.

Next is the feng shui relationship advice for the bedroom. Ideally, the bedroom should be located in the southwestern corner of the house, which is responsible for love, loyalty, and caring for family members. If the bedroom is located in another place, do not worry. Feng shui has a list of tools that will help make it more harmonious. First of all, the bedroom should be kept clean everywhere. If you have any devices or exercise equipment in the bedroom, if possible, divide the room into sections, blocking the bed from these.

The bed should not lean sideways into the wall. It is believed that a partner who sleeps near the wall will have less say. When there’s space on both sides, both partners will feel equal.

The bed should not be too broad, as this does not encourage romance. The bed should be small enough to provide intimacy in the relationship. The mattress should not be double; any longitudinal stripes on or above the bed will symbolize the rift in the relationship. Avoid water mattresses and any objects that embody the element of water, as water can carry happiness away. Do not place your bed near a wall adjacent to the bathroom, as your happiness may go down the drain.

Now let’s review the feng shui relationship tips for objects to place in the bedroom or the room located in the southwest direction, in order to activate it. You can enhance it with an earth element (crystals, rose quartz or amethyst) and fire element (candles and red objects, such as a red lamp). Also place love reinforcing symbols in the bedroom, such as double objects: a statue of a man and woman, a pair of ducks, or a dragon with a phoenix.

Jakob Jelling runs http://www.fengshuicrazy.com which teaches the ancient art of feng shui. Please visit his website to learn more about feng shui relationships.

5 Tips To Help You Survive A Long Distance Relationship

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By Bett Smith

I finally met someone after months of Online Dating & clubs. You know the story. Three months into our relationship, my boyfriend broke my heart: he took a job interstate.

We agreed to see each other every two or three weeks at weekends. We reassured ourselves we were strong enough to survive the separation. I’d always thought of myself as a mature, reasonable person. Of course he has to take the job, I told myself. I won’t come between him and his dreams. A week after he left, I started crying and couldn’t stop. He felt awful too.

But the 12 months apart forced us to create our own relationship survival kit. And for all you long-distance lovers, here are our five golden rules:

1.  Don’t endure long goodbyes at airports. Drop one another off and leave. An airport is no place for a meaningful goodbye.

2.  Maintain daily contact, either by phone, email, IM or letter. Share the small things about your day.

3.  No mode of long-distance communication can replace being with someone. Recognise this and don’t blame one another for the longing.

4.  Share an imaginative space together. Read the same books, listen to the same music. Go to see the same movie at the same time. Sit in a cinema and know that your lover is going through the same experience, the same images and sounds.

5.  On weekends together, be relaxed. Try not to put pressure on yourselves and on the short time you have with one another. Have courage! As Charles Dickens wrote, “The pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again”.

The time apart could be the best thing for you. My boyfriend and I used the enforced separation to think about what we wanted from the relationship and from our lives. Six years later we’re just as much in love as ever – and we’re about to get married!

Steve Harvey Talks To ‘Good Morning America’ About His Success & Releases Trailer For “Act Like a Lady, Think Like A Man”

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By Team BLAM

INTERVIEW/TRAILER: Steve Harvey stopped by “Good Morning America” yesterday morning to share how amazed and thankful he is for his own success, give some relationship advice and unveil his new movie trailer for “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.”

Check out the interview and trailer and leave a comment letting us know what you think.

Dating 101: Stop Overlooking Stuff & Pay Attention To What His Friends Say!

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By Team BLAM

You typically meet your dating partner’s friends early in a relationship. Sometimes you know the friends even before you begin dating. For instance, it may have been a friend that introduced you. What can you learn from this group of significant people in your partner’s life? A lot. It is within this arena of close relationships that you begin to see subtle signs of how your partner handles power and shows respect. Ultimately, marriage is to be a union of best friends. So check out how your “sweetie pie” treats his or her best friends.

Does your partner

  • return phone calls?
  • answer e-mails?
  • admit when he or she is wrong?
  • apologize?
  • keep promises?
  • always complain?
  • act more like a taker or giver?
  • remember special occasions?
  • pick friends up or pull them down?
  • respect friends?
  • constantly act angry or hurt?
  • initiate activities and involvement?
  • address conflicts or problems in positive ways?
  • seem overly dependent?

If your partner does not treat friends in ways that you admire, then what makes you think your partner won’t do these things with you? Listen to what their friends say about him or her. Many times friends are blunt and…..accurate. That doesn’t mean you need to believe their every word; on the other hand, do not dismiss what they say either because it’s a real possibility that it will show up in your relationship.

It may make you feel in the inner circle when your partner privately talks about his or her friends, coworkers, or family members. However, take note of what they’re saying. Is it justified? Is it fair? Is it realistic? Is it accurate? Would you want them representing you to the world?

Keep your eyes and ears open. Don’t be gullible. Use your head and your heart. Stop Playing. Start Pushing.

Adapted from John Van Epps ‘How To Avoid Falling For A Jerk’

It’s A Great Relationship, But Is It Time To Break Up?

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You’ve found a new guy and the two of you have been dating for a few months now. He’s handsome, funny, and charming, and yet something about the relationship doesn’t feel quite right. You so much want this to work, as it has been some time since you’ve dated anyone this long with the prospect of a permanent commitment. But you still have some important unanswered questions.

1. Where does he go on the weekends? You’ve noticed from the beginning of your dating relationship that your boo doesn’t hang around on Saturday or Sunday. In fact, you don’t see him too often on Friday nights, either. You have to wonder if he has a family out there somewhere, or some kind of commitment elsewhere that is bound to interfere with yours at some point. In fact, it already is interfering. When you ask him why he can’t come around over the weekend, he stutters and stammers, but so far, no good excuses.

2. What about his family? After five months, you still haven’t met his parents, sister, or even his dog. He’s given you a dozen reasons why you can’t visit his apartment, none of them valid. You would love to meet his family-if he has one, that is. Moreover, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to be introduced to his coworkers, neighbors, or friends. But so far, none of that is happening. There was one buddy from college who was passing through town and took the two of you out for dinner, but that was it.

3. Does he really have a job? Even though he has vaguely mentioned having a job somewhere, he doesn’t say much about the work, the company, or his boss. You don’t actually know what he does or how much he makes. In fact, he’s often broke, which is why the two of you hang out at your place for pizza and television rather than go to the movies or dinner.

4. Will he ever get serious? This guy takes life pretty easy. He doesn’t seem to have any hassles or worries, and he’s not particularly interested in the future-with or without you. You’ve fallen into a fairly predictable and almost boring dating pattern, and you’re wondering if you could live this way the rest of your life even if things did get serious.

5. Does he meet your needs? When you need a shoulder to cry one, he withdraws a little, like he’s not very comfortable with emotion. At times when you want to dress up and go out, he’s ready to sack out on the sofa for a little snooze. He seldom shows much interest in your job, your family, or your hobbies. So what’s to love about him?

If any of these, especially in combinations of two or more, describe your relationship, maybe it’s time to move on. Unless you force a confrontation and insist on things changing, chances are they won’t. And who wants to force someone to pretend to like you, anyway? It could be time to give up and get going if your Romeo isn’t showing much enthusiasm.

BLAM Fam: Why do you think we sometimes stay in relationships when we know deep down inside it isn’t going anywhere?