Being Successfully Single Until The Right One Comes Along

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by Robert Johanssen

Our planet is brimming with a random lottery of people; undeniably though, finding true love can be considered a risky business. Love is supposed to be a beautiful feeling with lots of happy thoughts emanating from the whole package of being in love, so why is finding true love considered a difficult challenge?

Is finding love really so hard though? Or do we just make it hard? Finding love is not hard, but sometimes it takes a long time. So if you are single now, don’t go walking around all down in the dumps and depressed.  There’s always a bright light shining somewhere.  The question is are your eyes open to see it?

Here are some advantages of being single:

1. You are independent Basically you can do what you want when you want. You don’t have to wait, you don’t have to ask, you can just go.

2. You have more time When you’re single; you don’t have to sit around doing nothing. Want to go to the gym? Want to join the hiking club? Play an instrument? How about watch your favorite video for 10th time? Want to take a course? Learn a new hobby? Who’s stopping you?

3. You don’t have to deal with another’s personal habits You can sleep without listening to someone’s snoring and hog all the blankets all the time and nobody cares. You don’t have to pick up after anyone but yourself. And you don’t even have to pick up after yourself if you don’t want to. Give your patience a well-deserved break.

4. You can be spontaneous Be daring! Do what you want when you want to and who cares if you don’t get to dinner until midnight? Do something out of the ordinary, without having to get permission first or calling ahead. This is freedom!

5. You can focus on your career You can channel your energy into your work. Without a relationship, you have a lot more time. Put in those extra hours and impress your boss, or take on new projects.

6. You are your own boss Relationships need compromise and you don’t always get your own way. Both people in a relationship have to give something up for the greater good of the relationship. Do what you want and treat yourself more. Selfishness is good for the soul (in small doses).

Don’t stress! That special someone is out there and you can and will find them. It just takes time.

In the meantime, enjoy being single. In fact, I believe that if you can’t be happy being single, you will never be happy with your soulmate! Kind of like rich and poor. There are lots of poor people who are happy and lots that are unhappy. Same with rich people — lots are happy and lots are unhappy. Now what do you think would happen if we took a poor who was unhappy, and gave them lots of money?

You guessed it! They would probably be happy for a short time, but it wouldn’t last and eventually they would be just as unhappy as they were.

Ever wonder why that is? Being happy comes from inside of you not outside. OK, you are single — enjoy yourself and that special person will come along before you know it!

Robert Johanssen is a Psychologist and Author living in British Columbia. He has publish Ebooks and articles on psychology, singles, relationships and Popular Culture.  

CAUTION!!! Get Involved With These Types Of Women AT YOUR OWN RISK!

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By Ruth Purple

When you are between the ages of 19-40, then you are in the Stage 6, intimacy vs. isolation of Erickson’s psychosocial development stage.This is where love relationships becomes the highlight of your life. It is very normal that your yearning to be with someone is just so strong. So strong that you sometimes just “settle” for the first woman that comes your way.

However, before you start settling for someone, stop and read this article about different types of women to stay away from. Some of the types of women that you don’t want yourself to be entangled with are the ones who are just pure evil. This kind of woman may look normal on first impression.

However, as familiarity develops, you noticed, that just like a piece of onion, your woman has different layers and as the layers peel off deeper, you can’t stop your tears from falling. These types of women are special cases, meaning rare, but once you are caught in their lair, they can totally change your life- you might develop psychological trauma on things you never thought possible.

When you look into their eyes, it sends shivers to your spine; you can never fathom the deed that they are capable of. There’s this darkness in their personality that you can’t explain. They are very vengeful and you can’t see a tinge of conscience in their soul (if they have one), they’re just…dark.

You tiptoe on your every moves, making sure that you don’t disappoint them. They remind you of Glenn Close’s character in “Fatal Attraction”. If you don’t want to develop a nervous breakdown, then break-free from the relationship and make sure that they can never track you down, because they are the kind of woman who will butcher your dog and let you eat it for dinner.

Further types of women that you should stay away from are the ones that cannot decide. They are too afraid to take any risks or make any mistakes. They have no direction and worst, they are taking their frustrations out on you. If you don’t want to die from frustration induced heart attack, then find yourself another girlfriend.

Further types of women to avoid are the ones that incessantly talks but says nothing. You know, those girls who talks about senseless things over and over and doesn’t know how stop talking. These are the types that really pushes your button and makes you feel like yelling “Shut the f*** up!” several times a day.

If you want a meaningful relationship, then find a partner that you can sensibly talk with about anything and everything other than nail polish and her girl friend’s new hat. More types of women to avoid are money- hungry females, whose middle name is “Greed”. These are the types of women who just take and take and take some more.

There are also types of women who are encapsulated with negativity. You can never do anything right! They just zap your will to live right then and there! Then there are also types of women who are 50, but dresses like 15.  If you see a woman who shows a bit too much skin for her age, then there are definitely serious issues there.

There are some girls who are always in a war-like mood, who are always looking and ready for a brawl. Then there’s this over-sensitive females that even the tiniest and innocent criticism would make them sob and run to daddy for help- stay away from them. Now that you know the different types of women to avoid, good luck looking for love.

The author of this article, Ruth Purple, is a Relationship and Dating Expert. Conquer Infidelity and Experience a Happier Love Life through her website at www.relazine.com

Are You Relationship Ready? Take The Quiz And Find Out.

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By David Steele

Most singles are seeking a committed relationship and date with that goal in mind. Many are not ready for commitment for a variety of reasons, but they don’t want to be alone, and so they date to find a partner anyway. When their dating strategy doesn’t align with their readiness status, these singles unconsciously set themselves up for failure, complicating their lives and those of their dating partners.

Just because you want something doesn’t necessarily mean you’re ready for it. Many variables can interfere with your readiness for a committed relationship with someone you meet, such as being involved with someone else, going through a divorce, financial trouble, career demands, family obligations, physical health challenges, or mental/emotional health challenges such as addictions, depression, or anxiety disorders.

It would be a tragedy to meet your soul mate and not be ready for them. Getting involved in a relationship before you are ready can create a shaky foundation of unfinished business that eventually brings a relationship crashing down.

To assess your readiness for a committed relationship, rate yourself in each of the following ten areas. Try to be objective and honest with yourself. We recommend asking close friends and family members for their opinions as well.

READINESS REVIEW FOR SINGLES

Rating Scale: Rate each item on a scale from 0 to 10

8-10: This area of my life is strong and would be an asset to my next relationship

5-7: This area needs work, but most likely would not sabotage my next relationship

0-4: This area could interfere with the success of my next relationship

1.I KNOW WHAT I WANT

I have a clear vision for my life and relationship. I can envision my perfect life in rich detail that feels strong, very real, and keeps me motivated.

2.I KNOW MY REQUIREMENTS

I have a written list of at least ten non-negotiable requirements that I use for screening potential partners. I am clear that if any are missing, a relationship will not work for me.

3.I AM HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL BEING SINGLE

I enjoy my life, my work, my family, my friends, and my own company. I am living the life that I want, and I am not seeking a relationship out of desperation and need.

4.I AM READY AND AVAILABLE FOR COMMITMENT

I have no emotional or legal baggage from a previous relationship. My schedule, commitments and lifestyle allow my availability to build a new relationship.

5.I AM SATISFIED WITH MY WORK/CAREER

My work is fulfilling, supports my lifestyle, and does not interfere with my availability for a new relationship.

6.I AM HEALTHY IN MIND, BODY, AND SPIRIT

My physical, mental, or emotional health does not interfere with having the life and relationship that I want. I am reasonably happy and feel good.

7.MY FINANCIAL AND LEGAL BUSINESS IS HANDLED

I have no financial or legal issues that would interfere with having the life and relationship that I want.

8.MY FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS ARE FUNCTIONAL

My relationships with my children, ex, siblings, parents, and extended family do not interfere with having the life and relationship that I want.

9.I HAVE EFFECTIVE DATING SKILLS

I initiate contact with people I want to meet, and disengage from people who are not a match for me. I keep my physical and emotional boundaries, and balance my heart with my head with potential partners.

10.I HAVE EFFECTIVE RELATIONSHIP SKILLS

I understand relationships, can maintain closeness and intimacy, communicate authentically and assertively, negotiate difference positively, allow myself to trust and be vulnerable, and can give and receive love without emotional barriers.

RESULTS: Add up your scores to determine your relationship readiness:

80-100: GREEN Light: You are well on your way to the life and relationship you really want

50-79: YELLOW Light: Continue to work on the areas needed and take it slow in relationships

0-49: RED Light: Take a break from seeking a partner, focus on your life and prepare for the relationship that you really want

NOTE: We suggest that ANY area rated 0-4 result in a “Red Light” and that you consider taking a break from seeking a partner until that area is improved.

David Steele, MA, is the founder of the Relationship Coaching Institute and a pioneer in working with singles. He has helped thousands of singles and couples get what they want from relationships. His new book, Conscious Dating; Finding the Love of Your Life in Today’s World, teaches readers precisely how to get what they want in their own life. To learn more, visit http://www.consciousdating.com David’s conscious dating site

Can We Skip Dating…. And Go Straight To The Altar?

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VIDEO: BLAM Fam..check out the below question from a viewer and let us and her know what you think.

Aiyana and Ayize, I have a question…or predicament that I’d like your input on. After yet another failed dating scenario, I have decided to step back and take some time to myself to reflect on my contribution to my failed relationships and almost-relationships. After hearing a sermon at church, one of the things that really struck a chord with me was when my pastor mentioned that women were not intended to be girlfriends or baby mommas…we were intended to be wives.

When thinking about my past relationships and especially the most recent one, where the man told me I was ready to be “wifey” way sooner than he was even thinking about playing the reciprocal role, I realized it was a trend. Some of my closest friends have told me part of the problem is that I give too much too soon…I am ready to trust and support and give to my last for the man I care about, instead of allowing him to court me and earn the privilege. I would have to agree with them.

Also, I have realized that I am not as committed to dating as I am to marriage. I know that sounds odd, seeing as how I have never been married. Basically, I don’t feel like I have to deal with anyone’s crap while I am dating…it’s easier to get out, to leave the situation. I will tell my friends “if I am not married to him I have no obligation to deal with anything I don’t want to. Only with my husband will I feel obligated to make it work”.

So, Ayize & Aiyana…what can I do when I’m not committed to dating and move to quickly to ever actually allow a relationship to grow at a steady and natural pace to end up in marriage?

Handling Long Distance Relationships

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By Oksana Boichenko

It is important to take the time to get to know each other, especially if you are oceans apart, but there can be too much of a good thing. Talking on the phone or communicating every day when you are in a long distance relationship can actually do more harm than good. Too often keeping in touch daily (especially over phone) can create undue expectations and tension if you find that the conversation does not flow as easily some days. Of course, one can argue that being in a regular relationship people talk every day, but that is a bit different – it is much easier to have that kind of bond when you are a part of each other’s daily activities. Long distance relationships – regardless of the amount and type of communication – do not give you a full picture of what your partner’s daily routine is. So, when you face a situation when your partner is not as outspoken, it can make you wonder what is wrong, and since you have no way to communicate in person, your mind can run wild with the guesses. That is why it is better to give each other a few days to breathe between communication – then you will have plenty of events to discuss and will be able to avoid vacuum in the conversations.

 

In order to keep your relationship vibrant and dynamic, do your best to plan regular trips to see each other in person. It doesn’t matter what it is – whether you visit each other, or meet somewhere on a neutral territory. The main thing is that you have one-on-one time and get to see what both of you are like in regular, daily routine situations. Planning such visits will give both of you something to look forward to, and actual meetings will be one more link to making your bond stronger and more intimate. Meeting at your home or hers will give you both a great taste of what each of you is really like. Seeing small details of the place where your partner lives, being able to envision what his/her daily life is, meeting people he/she knows are a great opportunity to make your communication at distance more fulfilling. Meeting at a resort or simply a place where neither of you lives will in turn be a great adventure, which can spark your romantic connection and really fuel up your feelings.

 

Modern technology makes contacting someone overseas quick and convenient, but sometimes it is worth taking advantage of the old-fashioned communication means. Sending a handwritten letter, or even a note, will add a special touch to your communication. Aside from showing your Russian bride that you take time to do something special for her, it will also give her a physical something that connects the two of you. We guarantee that your sweetheart will touch, smell, and re-read your message numerous times to feel closer to the man she cares for.

 

The means to communication may be many, but the essence of what is being said should not. Since most of the time you will not be able to see each other as you speak, here are a few simple tips to keep in mind to make your communication successful and expressive.

 

When you are telling your sweetheart about an event, a place, or a person, try to be as descriptive as possible, so she could have a good chance of imagining what it is you saw. She might not be able to read your thoughts completely, but at least she will be able to create a picture of what your day was like. The same rule goes for your feelings – in the absence of body language, seeing each other’s face, eyes, etc. put an extra effort to really explaining and sharing what you feel: if your sweetheart made you laugh, make a point of telling her that she put a smile on your face; when she says something sweet, tell her what emotions her words brought about in you. Sharing such moments will make your bond stronger and will be useful when you are in person as well.

 

In addition, make sure that you exchange and share photographs frequently. Seeing your face, pictures of you with your friends/family, places where you live and visit will help your Russian woman feel more like a part of your life. It will help her know what you talk about when you describe your life and daily activities, and find out who you are.

 

Honesty is something to keep in mind as well. Although it is a given in any type of a relationship, being apart can be an easy way to give into temptation and make yourself sound better than you really are or someone you are not. When you finally meet in person and some of the incoherencies or plain lies may come to light, it will be hard to regain that person’s trust and you risk losing a chance at a great relationship. Be honest from the beginning – it will give you an opportunity to remain true to yourself and find a partner, who appreciates and loves you for who you really are.

 

Building a long-distance relationship takes work, but it is possible to make it an enjoyable experience to strengthen the bond between your partner. Taking advantage of the few simple suggestions from this article will help you avoid common mistakes and problems. When you are miles apart, every word, phone call, or letter make a difference; try to always end them on a good note and your communication will grow and become a precious gift for both of you.

Oksana Boichenko is a matchmaker with 12 years of experience in the online dating business. She specializes in online dating for Russian women.

15 Signs That You Are ‘Meant To Be’

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From YourTango.com

Even when you’re crazy about someone, it can often be hard to know if he or she is “right” for you. How do you know you won’t feel differently in a year? Ten years? A lifetime? Deciding if you can commit to someone is a deeply personal determination, and everyone has different criteria. As in any verdict, you have to start by assessing the evidence. With that in mind, YourTango has come up with 15 signs that you’re dating a soul mate. You don’t have to check off all of these points to be sure about someone—but if you can say yes to several, you’ve found someone very special.

1. You tell him things you don’t tell anyone else. We don’t mean blurting something out after you’ve had too much merlot, but the desire to tell him intimate details about your life means you trust him—a major component of successful long-term love.

2. You let her see you in moments of weakness. It’s easy to be happy with someone when you’re feeling good about life. But what about when you’re not doing so well? Do you want to see her when you’ve been denied a raise, or your cat died or you had a plain old bad day? She should be a comfort during tough times, not a burden.

3. You respect him. You don’t want to change the essence of who he is. There may be stuff that irritates you in everyday life—he insists on wearing his favorites, holey T-shirt, he eats sugar cereal for dinner, he still watches Saturday morning cartoons—but you like him, plain and simple.

4. You want him to meet your parents. You feel proud of him and you want to show him off—as opposed to feeling like you have to make excuses for him.

5. You can imagine a future together. You don’t have to practice writing your first name with his last name, but do you periodically let your mind wander to picture a life together? Is it amazing?

6. You’re not afraid to disagree with him. You know that even if you fight, he’ll listen to you and won’t brush you off. He takes you seriously, even when he thinks you’re wrong.

7. You want to work out your major differences. If you do have crucial differences that will impact your future together—different opinions about religion, money or something else—you want to work them out with him, and you believe you can come to a conclusion that will satisfy both of you.

8. You laugh together. Laughter is one of life’s simplest pleasures—you should definitely be able to crack each other up.

CLICK HERE for more.

Women, You’re Giving Too Much In Your New Relationship And That’s Why It Doesn’t Work

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By Lucy O’Brien

Women who give too much in relationships will usually find that their relationships don’t work out. And this happens to many women. They give far too much, far too early, and then wonder why it isn’t appreciated. If you’re exhausted from giving to your man, if you feel drained from feeling that you get little in return, read this article to find out why giving too much will not win a man over.

Women can be very generous and giving in relationships. Naturally a girl wants to impress her new man early on. However, giving too much is never a good thing when you hardly know a guy. If you give too much without requiring that you receive in return, he may well take your generous gifts but he will know subconsciously that you undervalue yourself. He will lose respect for you early on. He may well take advantage but then he will probably leave.

This is because giving too much tends to come from a sense of neediness and inadequacy. If I give more, he will love me more. If I do more he will appreciate me more. She gives because she does not want to lose the relationship that gives her purpose. She is frightened to say no to him in case he gets upset and dumps her. Perhaps she does his laundry, lends him money and gives him gifts or sleeps with him too soon. She may put her own life on hold so she is always available to him and gives in to his last minute requests and demands.

Does he appreciate this? No, he does not. If she lets him walk all over her, he will not respect her and the relationship will be doomed. He will assume she is desperate. Or that she is easy. A man actually wants a woman who can stand up for herself and will look out for herself, despite what he says to the contrary. This is because a man wants a woman who values herself. If you give yourself away to someone you hardly know, you do not value yourself. And if you don’t place any value upon yourself then he certainly won’t. Men will value and respect you in accordance with the value and respect that you place upon yourself.

An immature man may encourage you to be selfless, and give generously to him, but he will only be interested in you as long as you are giving. As soon as you expect something in return, he will not be able to give back. You will end up exhausted and drained. This is 1 good reason to get to know him before you give too much!

Added to this, women who give too much in relationships are generally incapable of receiving because they don’t feel worthy. She feels uncomfortable if he pays for dinner or buys her gifts or helps her out in any way. She feels she should be independent and doesn’t like to ask for his help. However, a mature masculine man needs to feel needed by his woman. He is happy to help, as long as she admires his efforts. It is important to him to be significant. Generosity is a masculine trait and for this reason, a man will love to treat his dream girl. A woman who knows how to receive and appreciate will bring out the best in her man and make him feel good. These are the relationships that succeed, not the ones where a woman gives too much.

Instead, her giving makes him feel smothered. He senses her neediness and he feels uncomfortable with her expectations. He wonders when payback time will come. Such women are giving because they want something back. They want the relationship at any cost. Who the man is tends to be fairly irrelevant and he knows this. Without the relationship she feels empty and void.

If you are one of these women who give too much in relationships, then you are not alone. Most of us have been there at some point in our lives. Giving too much is generally an unconscious behaviour. We don’t even know we are doing it. Once you are aware of it, you can start to look at the reasons why you do it. Realise that now is the time to start placing a higher value on yourself so that a man will value you more. Start learning to receive as well as to give and appreciate every little thing that your man does for you. This will encourage him to give more and feel good about it. If you can do this, you will have more energy and happier relationships.

You can read more from Lucy at http://makemyrelationshipfabulous.info

Are Single People Happier?

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As you probably know, talking about living alone/being alone/being single is extremely popular right now.  It seems that not a day goes by that we don’t see or hear this topic being discussed on TV, in newspapers and magazines, and all over the Twitterverse. Sometimes it’s discussed in a way that’s balance and affirming.  Other times, singlehood receives the cold shoulder.

Recently, The Washington Post  conducted a survey and ran an article about living alone, and we found the results of the survey to be thought-provoking.

CLICK HERE for more.

Dating – Why You Lose Your Man When You Think Things Are Going Well

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By Lucy O’Brien

Dating can feel like hard work to those women who would love to have a successful relationship but wish that they could skip the dating phase. Unfortunately, successful dating is a prerequisite to getting that relationship. For a start, skipping dating would make it very difficult for you to get to know whether the guy is a suitable match for you. If you always seem to lose the guy when you think it’s going well, then you need to read on to find out why.

When you first meet him it feels great and, lets face it, you want more. You just have to get your fix. It’s not long before you think that he could be a suitable mate for you and you start to fantasize about a future together. The problem is that you don’t really know him. You’re still in the honeymoon period. He’s on his best behaviour and his flaws haven’t yet started to appear.

You charge ahead regardless, desperate for that highly sought after prize – the relationship. You immediately start to centre your life around him and mentally make plans for your future together. You have high expectations for him as your new partner. But inevitably, at some point when you think all is well, he starts to back off and you have no idea why.

Of course, the reason why he withdraws is the pressure that your premature expectations place upon him. You commit to the relationship without getting to know him first. You don’t take it slowly. You don’t stop along the way to check whether he is the right guy for you. You assume that because you want a relationship with him, that he feels the same way. You don’t want to date him – you want that relationship and you want it now. This is not a recipe for successful dating.

When a man seems really keen in the beginning, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that he wants a relationship with you, but this is not necessarily the case. A guy will want to get to know you before he commits to you, even if he’s pretty crazy about you in the beginning. He has his own timescale for feeling like he is in a relationship and this is generally going to be much longer than yours as a woman.

When a guy starts to withdraw when everything seems to be going well, he is feeling the pressure of your relationship expectations. He’s not quite ready for the relationship yet. It’s ironic but if you want to keep him, you must now let him go. If you chase after him, desperate to hang on to him at any cost, you will lose him. This is too much pressure for a man. If he doesn’t get out now he will feel trapped in a relationship that you created in your head. This is why so many great women lose great guys and are not successful at dating.

The only way to keep a man is to play it cool during early dating and not allow yourself to get carried away by your expectations of a relationship with him. Let him set the pace and show you that he is the one for you. If he doesn’t make the grade then let him go early. If you’re desperate for the relationship you will waste months in wrong relationships where you eventually lose the guy. For successful dating, patience is essential if you want to get your prize.

My Man Is Hurting Because Of The Pain Of His Past And Our Relationship Is Stuck Because Of It

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By Team BLAM: Video

How are you both. I hope this letter reaches one or the other or both. Please I am making a humble request for a brief video for my man and I. Our issue may be getting worse and since you all are experts, we truly need your opinion.

My man and I have been dating for five years now, and he is an incredible person. He is a father of two boys from a previous relationship whom he has been caring for. The number one person he doesn’t care for is himself. His childhood was really horrible, which amazingly hasn’t kept him from being a great man, but his anxiety has. He aspires to be an actor and his mother laughed at the idea and never supported him as a child, so he went about it himself when he was of age. I applauded that, although He is suffering from anxiety and depression from the taunting of his mother when he was very young. We are now in a long distance relationship due to my work which makes things a bit more challenging. But it was already a long distance relationship before I left. When we are talking, he will have good days and bad days where he will tell me he often struggles just to be happy and how he wishes that he could have addressed this BEFORE we got together. His mother comes up in every conversation and truly breaks the flow of US as a couple. She is even the reason that he decided to have kids with the wrong person, because she made fun of him not having a woman or kids and called him weird. He was the type that would do anything for his mother, which has backfired. His mother treats him differently than his siblings and doesn’t bother to call him and ask how he is doing or his kids. I find it disgusting. My parents were the exact opposite.

I am in his corner actively helping him get what his mother didn’t and still does not give him…love. Not that I am attempting to play the role of his mother. I just want to be the fresh breath of positive air all the negative parts of his life. I see him making attempts on our dates, to not have flashbacks to his childhood and it breaks my heart to see him relaspe back into the same mode of thinking. The main phrase he says when asked what is wrong is, “I am tired of not living the life that I want to live, I should be further than this if it wasn’t for her.” I’m really tired of hearing about this woman, but I know he has to vent. I’m torn.

We have been in counseling as partner and he has seen a couple of individual counselors, which I strongly feel he needs. Unfortunately the counseling doesn’t seem to be strong enough. He wakes up with panic attacks and I wake up with him to soothe him, now by phone. This anxiety is really attempting to tear apart the 5 years that we built together. One thing about him is that he is so OPEN to anything that will help him. He is trying to fight it everyday and he apologized to me for being this way. I know that it definately isn’t his fault and I want and need things to work, but sometimes when I talk to him by phone, there are these long periods of silence, because he doesn’t know what to say or how to please me.

I have told him since we started dating that he needs some time for himself and a break from his boys, whom he raises on his own. He needs periods where he is totally by himself to establish his idenity and happiness. It took him awhile to realize this and he is slowly beginning to do this now, but the anxiety makes an attempt to push him down, and push us down when he makes an attempt to fix his life. Arguments happen, then we usually (when in person) hug and say I’m sorry. But lately it’s like I am dating a different person as the years go by, he’s colder and less enthustiastic, but he will still try. Aiyana and Ayize, I strongly want this man and he has shown his love for me in so many ways, and the many things that we have been through together. It pains me to see him in pain and I feel like nothing I do is helping the deeper issue. We have talked about dealing with things on the next level, because I am deeply at the point in my life where I want to at least see an opening for engagement, even though he must be engaged to himself. Can both work somehow? I am giving so much of myself, not expecting anything in return except for his health to be restored, and at the same time I just need an outlet myself.

I know this is an odd situation, because he may have needed lots of self time to battle the ridicule he received from his parents, particularly his mother, but now he is IN this relationship with me and it’s almost as if he needs to be alone All the time. I can respect and I definately am a supporter as I said earlier of self time and space, but it seems that no matter how much space he gets each week, that his panic attacks during the night get worse and his mood is very heavy during the day, where he will get upset with me for a problem he is creating because he is miserable. I try to give him his space weekly, a three to four day break, then we reunite and I follow up to ask him how he is doing. I am a strong believer in space myself, it strengthens the relationship. My question is…… can a person who is struggling with self love and idenity who is already in a relationship make it work somehow? Please help us.

Thanks for reading this viewer’s letter and watching our video.  If you’d like to receive a RELATIONSHIP ASSESSMENT from us (Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at) within 24-72 hrs please CLICK HERE.