Are You Hooked On The Need For A Diamond Engagement Ring?

/in , /by

Before you read the below article let me say this….FELLAS….do not use this as an excuse to get your woman something other than a diamond ring.  The below post is information.  If you and your lady choose to take the information and mutually agree to an engagement ring other than a diamond….do you.  If you and your lady choose to take the information and mutually agree that a diamond is where it’s at….do you.  Do you….do yall!!!  11 years ago I got down on one knee on a beach in Jamaica and gave Aiyana  one of my locs to symbolize our engagement.  She had my loc sewn into her hair.   She later gave me one of her locs and I had her loc sewn into my hair.  Additionally, I gave her a ring.  It wasn’t a diamond.  I didn’t feel comfortable with the idea of it possibly being a “blood diamond” so I looked up the meaning of other precious stones and discovered the sapphire.  In addition to my loc, I gave my wife a light blue ceylon sapphire to symbolize our love and our engagement.  The meaning and sacredness of the stone resonated with us so we collectively chose it.  I share that not to challenge you and your choices but to reveal that everyone’s journey is different.  Continue traveling on your journey ……and do yall when comes to what you choose to symbolize your engagement and your love.

By Ashleigh Schmitz

A closer look at the rock we’ve been coveting since 1938.

Would you jump off of a bridge if a fancy ad told you to? Probably not, but that’s exactly what happened — in a manner of speaking — after De Beers rolled out an ad campaign 1938 that made diamond engagement rings a must have if young men intended to propose marriage.

In just three years after the campaign debuted, American diamond sales increased by over 50% (prior to the campaign, diamond engagement rings were by and large a non-event), according to Business Insider. Less than 10 years later, in 1947, the diamond supplier penned the slogan “A Diamond is Forever” solidifying the gem as a symbol of enduring and unbreakable love that resulted in 80 percent of American brides receiving diamond rings within twenty years.

When De Beers said jump, we responded with an exuberant “how high?”. And while it’s true that nothing is stronger than a diamond, which comes in at the top of the Mohs hardness scale and justifies the marketing for the strongest of gemstones, the rarity of the stone is just a marketing ploy.

How much different, then, are diamond engagement rings from Valentine’s Day? The two are far more similar than they seem. Both lend themselves to ridiculous expectations, and in this social media age, a “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality that’s frankly disturbing. Just look at your Facebook and Instagram accounts and see how many of your newly engaged friends posted photos of their rings, and of their elaborate bouquets and gifts on Valentine’s Day. They’re definitely not getting smaller or less ornate, that’s for sure.

According to a recent study from The Wedding Report the average cost of an engagement ring in 2012 was $3,239. If it’s not worth much in the long run, couldn’t that money be better used for a down payment on your first home, an IRA or even safely tucked away in savings? At least these things appreciate in value over time; unlike the rock we all covet so much.

CLICK HERE to read more.

Finding Love After 40

/in /by

By Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.

On Dec. 31, 2009, one day before the baby boomer generation turned 65, a New York Timesarticle reported, “79 million baby boomers, about 26 percent of this country’s population, will be redefining what it means to be older.”

Today, in 2013, this statement may be proving to be true. The healthier, harder working and simply younger-seeming face of middle age and senior men and women is something worth acknowledging. And a generation that refuses to take on the stigmas of old age and give up vital aspects of themselves in the process? Well, that’s something worth celebrating.

One of the worst of these stigmas is that a person can be “too old to fall in love.” The 2009 censusshowed that of the 96 million Americans who are single, 17 percent of them are over 65. Imagine these 16.2 million people writing off the possibility of spending the rest of their days with someone they love. Then picture the millions more 40- and 50-something men and women who are buying into the belief that it’s just too late for them to be in a happy, fulfilling romantic relationship.

When it comes to dating later in life, the scene is far from hopeless. A 2003 AARP survey of 3,501 single men and women aged 40-69 showed that 63 percent were dating. An additional 13 percent wanted to find a date, while 14 percent were interested “if the right person happens to come along.” Almost half of those surveyed stated that their main reason for dating was “to have someone to talk to or do things with.” Companionship is incredibly important at every age. The better we know ourselves, the better able we are to choose partners who complement us and enhance our daily lives. Thus, there are certain real advantages of dating after 40, 50, or any age in which you are able and willing to reflect on your years of experience and genuinely learn from your past.

One benefit of dating after 40 is that by this age, most of us have had a variety of experiences in at least one serious relationship. This gives us the opportunity to reflect on our patterns. We can think about the people we have chosen and question the traits we are looking for. We often wind up with the same kind of partner in the same kind of relationship — without even realizing how we got there. An important concept to keep in mind when dating is that we aren’t always attracted for the right reasons. Relationships tend to fail when we seek out and pair up with people whose defenses and negative characteristics perfectly complement our own.

When it comes to pursuing a romantic relationship, we don’t have to act automatically or get stuck in old patterns. We can resist falling into a relationship based on form or familiar dynamics, choosing a real connection over what my father psychologist and author Robert Firestone refers to as a fantasy bond, an illusion of fusion in which two people seek a feeling of safety and familiarity by choosing people who fit with old identities. Couples in a fantasy bond tend to merge their identities, relating as a unit instead of two independent individuals

By understanding our history, we can make a conscious effort to make different choices, to look for new kinds of partners, and to challenge destructive tendencies in ourselves. It’s no wonder that in the same AARP survey both men and women listed their biggest romantic frustration as “dating people with a lot of baggage.” The more we are willing to look into our own emotional baggage and uncover our real selves, the more successful we will be in our intimate relationships.

CLICK HERE to read more.

Is Your Partner The Marrying Type Or Not?

/in /by

By Ruth Purple

When two people are in a relationship, it is often because of the love and special bond that they share. Whether or not there is an outright affirmation of commitment, the question of whether the partner is the marrying type or not will somehow cross the mind of anyone involved with another person.

A lot of people make the mistake of presuming that just because they get along fine and sex is great, the relationship is definitely headed to the altar, and they will grow old and stay together for the rest of their lives. Sadly, this is not usually the case, and this naive idea of a relationship simply causes confusion and heartaches.

It is important to determine your goals of being in a relationship, especially if you and your partner have been involved for quite a long time. These goals can help a couple become fully aware of what they really want out of the other person, and see whether they both want the same things or not.

So, what are the signs that a partner is the marrying type or not? It doesn’t take a genius to read the signs, actually, just as long as one is willing to see the truth, even if it’s not something that one wants or least expects. The most important thing for a person to do is to examine all the aspects of the relationship—this includes not only the wonderful parts that make you giggle, but the less desirable parts as well.

Most people dream of getting married and settling down at some point in their lives, and they will naturally desire somebody whom they share the same dreams and ideals about love and life in general. However, being in a serious relationship with someone is never a guarantee that it will end in marriage.

This is precisely the reason why there is a need for you and your partner to talk about marriage and commitment, just so you’ll know if you are really headed somewhere. However, there are some people who are absolutely hard to comprehend, because of the mixed signals they tend to show.

In order to cut to the chase and know whether your partner will actually marry you eventually or not, here are powerful signs to look out for: Your partner’s willingness to discuss marriage: whenever you bring up the idea, does he/she have negative or positive opinions? If he always says he’s not so crazy about such an outdated concept, and that it’s actually a trap to chain men down, then he is unlikely to pop the question soon.

Another prominent sign is the length of time it took him/her to make any commitment (if he/she ever made one at all). People who are not the marrying type usually seem rather afraid of commitment, and are often slow to commit to dating exclusively. He/she is contented with the way things are, and that there is no need to rush into marriage, because the institution of marriage is dying out anyway.

As long as your partner is making excuses and shows no interest in getting married, then he/she is most likely not the marrying type. If this is the case, then try to move on and find someone who sees love just as you do. Getting married is a wonderful thing, only if there is mutual love and commitment between you and your partner.

Is The Man You’re Dating Marriage Material?

/in /by

By Eng. Yasmin Abouelhassan

In general, women tend to rely on words, whereas men rely on actions. So, when men speak sweetly to women, women believe them, even if they don’t behave accordingly. Men, on the other hand, see how women behave, and interpret the behavior to mean what they want to believe, regardless of what the woman says. So, if you say you don’t love him, but continue to have sex with him, all your words are in vain; he interprets your actions and draws his own conclusions.

This discrepancy between words and behavior is especially problematic in marriage-bound relationships. So, watch out if your man is one of these five types:

1. The “help me until I’m ready” guy. The “need help” type is totally entrenched in his own insecurities. He only talks about his own problems —never yours — but he wants a lady by his side because it makes him feel worthy. So, he keeps her there by asking her to help him “until he’s ready.” But, guess what: He’ll never be ready, and so, he is not husband material.

2. The “dare to discuss marriage” guy. Since he knows women believe in words not actions, he dares talk about marriage and future plans with you, knowing it’s what you want to hear. But that’s all he’ll do; no further action is ever taken. There is never a timeframe for actions; actions are even never discussed, and if they come up, the conversation suddenly goes in different directions.

3. The “be my guest and discuss marriage” guy. This guy lets you do all the talking about marriage you like. He knows you dream about it; he listen to you discuss it in great detail — where your home will be, what kind of furniture you’ll buy, what kind of wedding you want. And when you ask him about dreams, he says, “Whatever you want, honey.” Always look at his actions. If there aren’t any, if he’s all talk, he’s not husband material.

 CLICK HERE to read more.

Are You Ready To Embrace Monogamy?

/in , /by

By Melissa Fritchle

Personally, I’m shocked that the TV show The Bachelor and its sister show The Bachelorette are still going strong! The shows’ longevity speaks to how focused we are, as a society, on the dating portion of romance. As a culture, we have turned the search for love into a competition, a game, entertainment … when what we really need are stories and examples of what happensafter two people find each other.

We need to watch people who can show us what it takes to be in love for the long term, how they wrap their minds around commitment and how they are able to grow and thrive withinsuccessful monogamy — way beyond the ring or the rose. Fortunately, I know some people who are doing that, and here are a few foundational pieces they have in place:

1. Choose it. You can’t do monogamy for your parents or your friends or your partner. You have to decide this is what you want, for you. Identify your own reasons for wanting to be monogamous. Maybe for you it is a religious or spiritual choice; maybe you value loyalty; maybe you see commitment as a path to personal growth; maybe you want to see what can happen if you focus your romantic energy on one person. Whatever your reasons, to be successful at long-term monogamy, it is crucial to take responsibility for your choice and to let go of any resentments about other people “making” you do it. Monogamy is not the only choice. If you chose it, do it because you want to.

2. Choose your partner carefully. This may seem obvious, but I see people again and again who say “I want to be in a committed relationship now, and the person I’m with feels like a decent match, so why not?” Well, because this is a hard setup for long-term monogamy.  If you want to feel inspired to stay committed, you need to find a person who inspires you, shares your sense of humor and adventure, and turns your body, mind and heart on in a variety of ways — the person who you want to leave the party with again and again. This may take time and several false starts. If you start out comparing your partner to others and wishing your partner could be different in this way or that, you may eventually find yourself just wishing for a different partner altogether.

3. Understand your own sexual desire. We live in a world of attractive people and no matter how appealing your partner is, you will still notice the other people out there. The romantic saying, “I only have eyes for you” is not realistic. Our culture makes sure you see and encourages you to be seen.

Committing to monogamy requires you to be honest with yourself about this and to be prepared to shift the desire stirred up in the world back to your partner. You must learn how to respond to your own desires in ways that feel in integrity to you and this can only be learned by acknowledging that desire and attraction for others will not go away even when you find the one person you want to commit to.

CLICK HERE to read more.

5 Reasons Why The Man You’re Dating Has Emotionally Backed Off

/in /by

By Karen Jones

Any woman who’s actively dating will at some point deal with a man who is pulling away. If you notice that a previously attentive man is showing signs of fleeing, one of these things is likely going on:

1. He’s just not ready. You may have been communicating effectively that you’re playing for keeps (and if so, great job!) but this has him exiting stage left because he is not ready for the commitment.

2. He is scared to take the next step. One of men’s primary fears is the loss of freedom. He may be evaluating whether or not what he will gain by having you in his life is worth the inevitable loss of his sexual freedom, financial freedom or time.

3. He’s experiencing “man time.” When a man gets involved in anything that consumes his attention (work, sports, hobbies, to name a few), he loses track of time. When he finally realizes how much time has passed, he may be too afraid to call you and risk having to face how pissed off you may be.

4. He thinks you’ve changed. You’re not being the same gal he started with. Instead of being easy-going, fun and clearly appreciating who he is maybe he’s getting a taste of another side of you; someone who is hard to please, insecure, needy or just not fun anymore.

5. You’re not the one for him (or he’s not the one for you). You may feel disappointed by this realization at first but in the end it’s for your benefit. If this is the case sooner or later that the relationship is going to end.

CLICK HERE to read more.

Fellas Pay Attention! Women Love Assertive Men–NOT Passive Men, NOT Agressive Men–ASSERTIVE Men

/in /by

By Vanae

I believe there are generally three types of guys:

1) Passive 2) Assertive 3) Aggressive (i.e., a**holes…let’s be real)

WE DON’T dig a**holes (no pun intended..or is that really a pun?). We want REAL MEN! Individuals who are assertive, confident, strong (inner and outer), communicative, gentlemanly, exciting, unpredictable and make women feel wanted!

What we DON’T want (just as men wouldn’t either):

To be disrespected, smothered, overpowered, or mistreated.

Quality women know how to identify REAL MEN from A**HOLES. And if she’s truly dating an a**hole, then she’s probably not the person you want to date in the first place. Look, nice/passive guys don’t necessarily finish last..but assertive guys definitely finish before them. That’s because these men go for what they want.

So the real question is: How do you become more assertive?(This applies to men & women.)

1. Know your strengths

Spend time reflecting on what your strengths are and present those qualities.

2. Live it up!

The more passionate you are..the more traveled.. the more rounded you are, the more you’ll naturally have to talk about. You’ll come off as interesting and bound to have good conversations.

3. Follow through

If you think, feel, or plan something…make sure you complete it! No half-assed-ness!

4. Keep it light…enjoy yourself

Don’t sabotage yourself with lots of pressure. Think of it as meeting a new friend and keep it light. If it goes well, then great. If it doesn’t, no sweat off your back.

5. Say NO!

No need to always agree or give in because you think that’s what he/she wants.

6. Take charge!

How is a female supposed to know that you’re interested if you don’t flirt with her and ask her out? She might be feeling the same!

7. Be true to yourself

Why mold yourself into someone you’re not? Be genuine and make decisions based on your gut feelings.

BLAM Fam,what are some of your tips that work well? Folks wanna know!


Vanae is a dating & relationship coach, v/blogger, ice cream lover, non-profit founder, & creator of exponential goodness. Her motto is Carpe Diem (Seize the day!) Visit her at Vanae.com

Video: How Can I Convince Him That I Won’t Hurt Him?

/in , /by

Viewer Question:

We’re in a long distance relationship with my man. Since we’ve dated for 2months, i have learned that he might still be hurting from his previous relationships where one of his ex cheated on him with her best friend. I’ve learned also that his previous hurts have made him to fear that i might leave him or hurt him like his ex did, he’s hard to please, i love him, i want to make him happy, because i believe that’s all he needs. Often times he becomes short-tempered when we talk, without telling me where i went wrong, he doesn’t want me to talk to his male friends.  How can i make him believe that i won’t hurt him, that i’m not like his ex. I don’t want to loose him because he does love me a lot too, but he’s living with that fear that i’l leave him.
Help help

How Much Are You Worth On The Relationship Market?

/in , /by

By Kenny Pugh

There is no shortage of media dedicated to addressing the ‘epidemic’ of singleness in our society.

We’re entertained by men and women who discuss their plights as to why each of them, as a quality candidate, is still single. There are never enough quality men to choose from, women say. There are always too many “high potential” women to sort through, men complain.

And so on and so on.

Unfortunately, too many of us have a higher self-appraisal of ourselves than what others are willing to view as true relationship value. It’s sort of like the homeowner who thinks their home is worth $400,000, when the true market value based on recent sales is really $300,000. Sometimes, you need to be your harshest critic.

On the relationship market, think of yourself as an asset that requires investment.

Physical – What is your current physical status? Do you eat healthy? Physical attraction isn’t necessarily based on looks, but your ability to present yourself in a manner that accents you as an individual (i.e., via your attire, grooming, nails, etc.).

Professional – Are you where you desire to be professionally? If not, are you taking steps to achieve your goals? Your professional life is something you should pursue and try to stabilize during your single season.

CLICK HERE to read more.

My Woman’s Self Esteem Is Destroying Us!

/in , /by


Viewer Question: I have a serious issue that I need help on immediately. Me and my current woman have been together for 10 months. Things have been great but things have also been confusing, struggling at times, and challenging.

One of the most challenging things that keep lingering is my woman has a confidence issue. Her self confidence, self love, and self appreciation is low. She is dislikes herself because of her weight, she dislikes herself because brings the energy from when she gets off work home with her, and she still holds on to what she has been through in the past. All these things, including how her weight issues has affected her future decisions on having children and more as drove me to the cliff. I want to be there for her and love her as I do now and even more on a level where is not used to and keep growing with her through it all. But, what can I do to stay strong or should I give up?

I have treated her great since day one when we went on our first date, since I have expressed and told her I love her, I have loved her on a level she said she has never felt or consistently seen, I am truly investing myself into her, but I am not getting enough back in return from her. What can this gentleman do?

BLAM Fam….What are your thoughts?