Eyes Wide Shut When It’s Obvious You Should Leave

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Have you ever been in a relationship where the writing was on the wall telling you to get out. Well in this video we loudly voice what is clear to us… this viewer’s relationship is headed nowhere…fast.

Sometimes it’s just a no-brainer. You need to leave. Should’ve been left. Should’ve never even gotten with this person. As one of our viewers said, the million dollar question to ask yourself is “Why was I attracted to this person in the first place?” Finding that answer is critical to your future relationship success. If you don’t take the time to go within and find the answer then you will find yourself in your next relationship with a different person who is eerily the same as the last person….same scenario, different dude. Self-examination will help your eyes go from wide shut to wide open.

BLAM Family, How important do you think it is to take the time to take a good look at yourself and your relationship patterns?

Game Recognizes Game: I Trust You But NOT Him

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VIDEO: Hello Brother and Sister Ma’at,

I have a question that has bee bothering me for several days now and I hope you can help me with it. I must preface this by saying that I am not usually a jealous boyfriend who gets upset every time my girlfriend has a male friend. Here goes:

The other night my girlfriend and I were out at a very nice party at a local night spot for an organization I am apart of.  While we were there we were mingling both together and at times on our own.  I noticed that there was another man constantly seeming to hover in her area so I made it my business at some point to make sure that I introduced myself to my loves new found “friend”.  The testosterone in me had to make sure he knew that she was mine and I could see in his eyes that he  was trying to “go in for the kill”. My girlfriend thinks that I am just being paranoid but I believe Brother Ayize will back me up when I say that every man knows when another man is trying to zero in on his woman.

After he was told that I was actually her boyfriend and that we live together he suddenly changed the conversation towards business and stated that he wanted to use my girlfriend on a project he was working on.  I didn’t know that guy from a can of paint but “game recognizesgame” so while I smiled as they exchanged business cards I was watching his eyes as he was eyeing my woman and smirking at me.

When we got home from the party I politely told my girlfriend that I’d prefer if she didn’t work with him, not because I don’t trust her but because I don’t trust him and there is no way in the world that a man flips from “booty mode” to “business mode” that quickly, in my mind at least.  My girlfriend was a little annoyed at my request because according to her I don’t have the right to tell her who she should or shouldn’t do business with.

Am I wrong for making that request? Like I said I love and trust my girlfriend but I am merely trying to protect her and prevent a potentially awkward situation for her as well as not have to knock him out in the future.

Thanks for your help?

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EIGHT Degrees Of Singlehood – Where Do You Fall On The Spectrum?

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By Chiara Atik

“So, are you single?” It’s a question we expect people to have one of two answers to: Yes, or no. You’re either single or you’re not.

But what about all the various degrees of singlehood? Some single people I know haven’t been on a date in years; others are on a date every night; still others haven’t officially declared themselves paired off, but spend most of their free time with the same person. Where do you fall on the spectrum?

1) The Single Still Mourning Their Last Relationship

Your last relationship was a doozy: a Nicholas Sparks-worthy tale of passion, love, and resentment. You might feel like you need a few years to tend to your depleted emotional wells after that break-up. In the meantime, you may find yourself half-heartedly dating, but your heart’s just not into it yet. Instead, you’d rather talk about your last relationship to your (very patient) friends. Don’t worry — we’ve all been there.

2) The Single Who Is Painfully Aware of Being Single

You see yourself as being single above everything: in your mind, it’s your defining characteristic. You’ve started to fixate on the couple sitting in front of you at the movies, rather than on the movie itself. Maybe you resent your paired-up friends. Maybe you start to avoid the topic of dating altogether. You start to feel like the prospect of dating is hopeless — and it will be, unless you turn your attitude around, and start seeing yourself as a person, not just a single person.

3) The Single Who Is Eternally Single (And Content With It)

Work life? Check. Friends? Check. Cool hobbies, interests, clothes, apartment? Check, check, check, check. You seem to have everything in your life, except, for some reason, a relationship.

There’s no good reason why you’re single, that’s just how things sort of are for you right now. Maybe you go on some dates now and then, but for the most part, you find yourself happily settled into your solo routines and habits. Someday, you might make room in your life for a relationship, but for now, it’s not a priority.

4) The Newly Single Person Who Doesn’t Really Mind Being Single

Ah, single again. Well, no big deal: you know the routine. For you, being single is just a time to recalibrate after a relationship. Hang out with friends more, start that project you’ve been putting off, get back to the gym.

After all, it’s sort of nice to be on your own for a while! To have quiet nights in by yourself, and wild nights out with your friends.  You totally appreciate the positive side to being single, which is good, because you’re usually not single for long.

 CLICK HERE to read more.

[Ask The Ma’at’s] How Do I Get This Man Out Of My House?

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A viewer wrote in and asked us a very simple question: How do I get this man out of my house….I’ve been trying for years?  We chuckled at the simplicity of the question and offered some suggestions to help him “get a hint”.  We also challenge the fact that if something has been going on for soooo long then you may be participating in the “mess” and getting a payoff from it.  Check out the video and let us know what you think.

 

[Ask The Ma’at’s] My Ex Went Back To His Ex & Now Says He Wants Me…Is He Genuinely Confused?

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VIDEO: Hi, I’ve been watching your YouTube videos for a while now and I’ve had a certain situation that I’ve been battling for almost a year about my ex. My ex and I began dating last year in January, we’ve known of each other a few years prior but in January was when we came back in contact and decided to become a couple . Everything was going very well, except there was one problem, he had an ex. They were together for about 3 years and when I asked him about it, he said that they were done and that he wasn’t happy in the relationship anymore . So as time went on, I never felt comfortable about that situation so it always was a hindrance in our relationship. Until about 6 or 7 months in he seemed very depressed and he’d never want to tell me why but when I finally figured it out, it all came down to him missing her and I guess wanting to be with her again. So that exactly what he did, he got back with his ex, he told me “that it’s just better for them to be together b/c of the history that they share and that he doesn’t want her to hurt b/c they were together for so long” but every now and then he’ll call me and tell me that he just feels “stuck”, one time he even called and said “if I give him another try, he’ll call her up and break it off so we can start over” .

 Well I guess the question that I am asking is, is he just trying to have his cake and eat it too? Or is he genuinely confused about what he wants? Is he trying to make me the “sideline “?

3 Signs That Indicate Your Ex Still Loves You

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By John Onyeka

Does he want me back? It is a question you are in search for an answer to. You can’t do it. Despite the effort you make, moving on without your ex boyfriend will not just happen. How can it? You still have strong feelings for him and getting over him and falling in love with another man is futile. The problem you are encountering at the moment is you aren’t clear in your mind where his feelings are. You observe a few signs that you believe signify he still has feelings for you however you are in doubt. You fret that you are reading way more into his actions than he have in mind. Short of asking him if he still loves you, is there any other means to know? There are in fact several signs in his actions towards you.

1.  How often does he get in touch with you?

To determine whether he wants you back can be found in how often he gets in touch with you. A lot of men are feeling just as susceptible as women do after a relationship ends. They don’t want to take any risk again so soon so they keep things close to the vest. Despite the fact that he may not show up and say he wishes you’d offer him a another opportunity, the way he acts is going to say it for him. If your ex boyfriend still calls you then he still has lingering feelings for you. If he wasn’t interested in you, he won’t contact you again. The fact that he calls to make small talk or wants to see how you are confirms that he still cares about you.

2.  Has he started dating again?

Has your ex boyfriend started dating again? The answer to this question is going to reveal to you much regarding where his feelings are. If he has moved on, he’d have begun dating another girl. If he has gone weeks or months after the relationship ended and still hasn’t started dating again, then it’s obvious that he still cares about you. Just reflect back to the time you broke up in the past with a man you didn’t have any feelings for. You probably began dating another person soon, right? If your boyfriend wasn’t hoping that the two of you would get back together again he would have done the same.

3.  How often does he reminisce about the past?

Also, take note of how much he talks about your past together. If a man regrets about what happened in the past, it is very telling. He wishes to have those closeness and feeling back. You ought to as well pay close attention to if he talks concerning how much he sincerely regrets certain things. After a relationship ends, if a man still has strong feelings for his girlfriend, he is going to have difficulty erasing the past. This is a huge sign to assist you in gaining insight into whether or not he really wants you back.

The Meantime In-Between Time LOVE

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By Talayah G. Stovall 

We’ve all been there. We’ve spent time with someone who we knew was “temporary” until the “right one” comes along. Sometimes, we even fool ourselves into thinking that that someone is the right one. We have all tried to shave the edges off some square pegs in order to fit them into round holes. There is something about “Mr. In the Meantime” that keeps you engaged in the relationship. It might be his kindness, his looks, his personality or his bank account (or, it might be just our own desire not to be alone). But, there is also something about him that you know is a “deal breaker.” While it is sometimes very difficult to let go of a relationship, we should never hold on to a relationship just to be in one.

Meantime relationships help pass the time while you are still searching. Unfortunately, while you are spending valuable time with someone who clearly lacks the qualities you desire, just to have someone with whom to spend time, you might be unavailable or unaware when Mr. Right knocks on the door. Meantime relationships are often merely filling in the emotional, and sometimes physical, gaps that are present when we seek the temporary elimination of feelings of loneliness.

Sometimes we use “Mr. In the Meantime” to help us recover from a relationship whose ending was either abrupt or particularly painful. A girlfriend of mine once remarked, “The best way to get over one man is another man.” This thinking perpetuates into rebound relationships that are often more painful when they end – and they will end – than the one from which you are trying to heal. Whenever we say goodbye to someone we love, even when we know that that person is not right for us, it hurts. We can save ourselves much heartache by recognizing and acknowledging from the beginning, that the Meantime man is not right for us, instead of trying to force a relationship. And, once we recognize and acknowledge that, we can free ourselves for a deeper love and commitment with the one who is our destiny.

Choosing a mate is a serious decision which will impact the rest of your life. It is a decision that can make or break you. Don’t be swayed by charm and style that have the appearance of authenticity, and don’t settle for second best; it is not worth it in the long run. Solid relationships are built on friendship, honesty and sincerity. Proverbs 7:5 warns us to “Beware of the stranger who flatters with words.” Some people will tell you what you want to hear, but their actions will reveal that they are totally insincere. It is so important to watch and listen. If he “looks like a duck”, but acts and sounds like a dog, he is either pretending to be something other than what he appears, or he is confused.

Women, especially, often allow feelings to overrule logic and common sense. That said, our intuition rarely leads us astray. If we are picking up a vibe that something is not right, usually something is not right. Pay attention to the signals and let him go. Do not hold on to hope when all the signs indicate that you should cut your losses.

The Bible reminds us that we will “know a tree by the fruit it bears.” Mr. In the Meantime might have the looks, the money and the prestige that impress us, but he might not have the character to match. Looks, money and prestige will fade away, but character is something that does not disappear.

We have all had periodic Meantime experiences, and some of them were effective for our growth and our transitions in life. Meantime relationships, however, will cause problems if we fail to see them for what they really are. Acknowledge them for what they are (a friendship, a learning experience, a nightmare…) and move on. If he is not right for you…do not give him access to your soul.

Have you ever entered into or stayed too long in a relationship that you knew was not ultimately right for you?

Make a list of the qualities that you are looking for in a mate. Use this list to evaluate your current romantic interest or keep the list in mind as you begin new relationships.

If you find that you tend to spend time in clearly Meantime relationships, use the following affirmation or create one of your own: “I will no longer cheat myself or anyone else by spending time in relationships that are going nowhere. I will be clear on the qualities that are important to me and will not try to force a relationship where there should not be one.”

Talayah G. Stovall is an author and motivational speaker. Her book, Crossing the Threshold: Opening Your Door to Successful Relationships, and eBook, 150 Important Questions You Should Ask Before You Say “I Do” are available on her website talayahstovall.com.

Are You Prepared For Married Life?

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So, what do you do to prepare for marriage anyway? When you fall in love and spend almost all of your time with your boo you feel like you’re a perfect fit. You know them better than they know themselves…or so you think. Please don’t get it twisted. No matter how you look at it There Is A Difference Between Being Married & Being Boyfriend/Girlfriend. Jennifer Erchul over at E-How.com gives a few quick tips on How To Prepare For Married Life. Check them out below.

1: Consider your current maturity and that of your partner. If you tend to party hard, fight over petty issues and break up just to get back together again, you need to grow up. Being married isn’t always a party. For a solid marriage to be a positive commitment for both parties, you need to understand the art of compromise and forgiveness and understand there will be moments of extreme frustration and anger. Learn how to manage these issues within yourself and your relationship before your wedding day.

2: Discuss your finances. Figure out how you will manage them as a married couple. Put financial goals in place, pay off debts and decide how your money will be shared or separated. Talk about spending habits, savings plans, future purchases and acceptable spending.

3: Attend pre-marriage counseling classes. These often discuss marriage roles, expectations and adult responsibilities. The classes teach healthy ways to disagree, methods for fair fighting and positive ways to communicate with your spouse. Some of these include learning how to apologize and not blame your partner for your emotions or thoughts; not assuming anything, like your partner’s emotional state or belief; figuring out ways to deal with the problem or concern and not criticizing your partner in the process and staying on the issue and not dredging up past arguments or concerns.

4: Live with a roommate for at least six months. You will see how differently people keep house, do dishes and tidy up. You’ll learn to deal with different personalities, schedules and ways of living.

5: Talk to married couples. Ask them what they love about married life. Find out what’s difficult about being married. Find out what their struggles are and how they overcome them as a couple. Learn ways to keep married life fun and exciting. Get tips on how to keep the romance alive.

CLICK HERE for the full article.

How To Persuade Your Man To Give Couples Coaching/Counseling A Real Try

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By Your Tango.com

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Here’s an interesting question: how do you get a man who won’t even ask for directions after driving in circles for two hours to go out and hire a stranger, then tell that person his deepest, darkest secrets?

 

Even when they’re in the company of close friends, men will generally keep sadness, disappointments and other internal conflicts to themselves. So how can your get a strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to a pro—with you?

 

Couples Counseling/Coaching

 

Start the conversation about couples counseling by talking about yourself, not about him. If you talk about him he may feel like you are on the attack, which will make him defensive and less likely to hear what you’re trying to tell him. Tell him you’ve been thinking about therapy because you want to take steps to be a better partner, and you can contribute more to the relationship if you have more tools in your kit.

 

While things can start with you, the process will be much more effective if both of you participate. After all, you’re both members of the couple and to change or improve both sides need to be involved. As a couple, you can both benefit from tips on how to communicate better and have a more satisfying relationship.

 

Invite him to go see someone with you on a strictly no obligation basis to test the waters and see how it feels to him. He might be surprised at how liberating and positive it feels. If the person is the right fit for the two of you, it’s likely that he will feel reassured and some (if not all) of his objections will go away.

 

A caveat: the discussion of going for help might get heated if he jumps to the conclusion that the counseling is the first step to separation or divorce. In your mind, it’s probably just the opposite, so make that clear. This will become more apparent to him once you’ve had a few sessions.

 

Other Issues

 

You might think that if your partner has a deeper problem such as depression or anxiety, it would help to attend sessions along with him, but that is not usually the case. If a man is put off by the thought of seeking help, the thought of looking weak in front of you is going to send him running. When introducing the idea that he might benefit from therapy by himself, it’s important to plant the seed of an idea and nurture it over time. After getting used to the idea he might start to think it’s a good idea.

 

Making suggestions might help to a certain extent, but it often takes a crisis of some kind—a failed friendship, career burnout, or some other traumatic event—to make him take the step towards help. The good news is that once men get down to business and say “yes” to help, that first step often brings a rapid sense of relief. When they admit something is wrong, they usually do what they do best: they get to work and fix it.

 

Men tend to shy away from group therapy situations, however, interpersonal interaction with other men can sometimes be a vital step in the process of healing. It provides an opportunity to break the pattern of isolation from other males. By allowing themselves to connect and be vulnerable with their peer group, men learn to nurture while preserving authentic masculinity. Once in this situation, men are often relieved that they no longer need to try to look good on the outside, while feeling empty and alone inside; they actually find there is strength in vulnerability. And of course you will always be there to support him, as well.

 

A Few Other Tips:

 

When it comes to asking him to join you in this process, try to stay away from issuing ultimatums. It can cloud the issue and raise questions like, “if she’s going to leave me anyway, what’s the point?” Or he may react to the control you’re exerting and rebel against that control “just because.”

When you sit down to talk about working with a coach, try to do it in the following way: 1) Have your logical plan laid out: “I want to go to therapy to work on this issue.” Offer clear details from your perspective. In therapy/coaching they call this talking from the “I” perspective, which helps to avoid blame. 2) Avoid open-ended complaints about your relationship. He knows you’re unhappy; chances are he is too. If you overstate your feelings, the opportunity to have a rational conversation may be lost in the heat of the moment

Stay positive in your approach—remember that most people respond better to praise than criticism. If you can look at the anticipated outcome instead of focusing on the current negativity, it usually goes better.

If you know which pro you want to work with, offer that person as a suggestion. But remember, your partner may want to feel like he’s a part of the decision making process. If he appears resistant to your choice, ask if he would like to help select the pro. Bring him to the website and do a search together.

Consider working with a male pro. Sometimes this can help men to feel more at ease with the process. You can search for men who are in your area or work remotely (this will give additional choices if your community is small). However, remember that simply because a pro is a male doesn’t mean he’s the right one for you; take a look at the whole set of qualities the pro offers, and try to keep an open mind about the male vs. female choice.

Remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day; your relationship didn’t get to the state it’s in overnight and it won’t be fixed overnight. You, your partner and your pro need time to sort through the details and work out a strategy together. Try to set realistic expectations for everyone by respecting the process and not pushing to fix things faster than they can honestly be mended.

If you’re at a loss for how to begin the conversation with your guy, talk to a pro and ask his or her advice. Professionals deal with this kind of dilemma frequently and often have ways to encourage men to participate.

Finally, when all else fails, remember that you love your partner and your desire to get help stems from the belief that you two can be happier. If you meet complete resistance, remind him that you’re doing this for you and for him. Appeal to his love for you and ask him to trust your judgment that this is something that will make things better.

CLICK HERE For More…

 

7 Things You Should Know When Dating As A Single Parent

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By Coach Amy Shoen

Here you are single again.  Now, you have a child or several to juggle with a career.  What are the challenges and considerations you will have to think about as you venture into the dating world?  The more you think ahead about how you want to be for your kids and yourself the better dating experiences you will have overall.   Here are seven things to consider:

1. How much time and attention do you have to give to a relationship?You have a busy life with your kids, work, personal activities and commitments.  Who has time for dating?  It’s important to use your precious free time wisely.

  • Try internet dating.  It is a good way to meet quality people, especially other single parents.  You can go online late at night and fit it in between your other responsibilities.
  • Develop a good support system of caregivers that can give you time to get out to meet potential people to date, as well as, time for the actual dates.
  • Use your time without the children to your advantage to engage in activities that you enjoy and give you a good chance to meet men to date such as dancing, sports, and classes.
  • Join groups like Parents without Partners that have both adult only activities as well as those that include the kids.  You will most likely have lots in common with these single Moms or Dads!

2. What is your marital status?

Are you divorced or are you separated?  If you are not yet divorced, you will have difficulty meeting people who want to date you for more than just sex!  (Separated women have a reputation of being easy prey by predator-type men).  Also, how will this look to your children?

I suggest you go out and meet “friends” and keep it low key until you are officially divorced and truly available.  I know many people who won’t date someone unless they are divorced.  If you are at the tail end of your separation with a solid separation agreement with your ex, and have a non-contentious relationship, then you have a better chance of meeting women or men who would be open to dating you.

3. For what reasons are you dating?

Different people date for different reasons.  Are you looking to just get out and have fun or do you want to find a new romantic long-term partner?

You need to think about why you want to date and be honest and upfront with others about what you are looking for.

One of my clients felt like she didn’t feel whole with out a soulmate.  She was a romantic person who craved love and adoration from a man.  Other people cite companionship as a major reason for dating.  One other single parent client didn’t want to feel left out among her married friends.  Another client wanted a helpmate with the kids and around the house.  What is your true reason for dating?

4. Who are you dating and are they cut out to date a someone with children?

Not everyone is comfortable stepping into a parent role, especially if they don’t have kids of their own.  Can they be flexible enough to roll with the punches?  Since you cannot control everything, there are times you will have to cancel a date because of your kids.  How will your date handle it?  Can your date be able to take a back seat to the needs of your children?  Unfortunately, only time will tell!

CLICK HERE to read more.