Why I’m Thankful For My Husband And Our Marriage

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By Joni Tapp

When a friend suggested we write a post about what we love about our husbands, I confess I rolled my eyes. Who would want to read that?, I wondered. But over the past couple weeks, I’ve gained a lot of insight about the way I look at marriage and my husband. I’ve realized that I definitely do have a tendency to focus on the few things that are not so great in our marriage rather than the thousands of things that ARE great. I was walking around angry and frustrated, and one day God just kind of woke me up to the fact that I was being completely ungrateful for my husband, our marriage, and our life together. Sure, it’s not perfect and it never will be, but there is SO MUCH that is right. Most of all, I KNOW that our marriage was ordained and blessed by God, and since I know Him to be good and loving, then I know that His gift to me of the sweet man I married is a wonderful blessing. So that day I chose to start thinking of all the things I have to be thankful for in my husband, and I was actually shocked at how much of a difference it made in the way I perceive the few hard things. They’re not near as bad as I thought they were. All that to say, even if none of you want to read all of the things I’m thankful for about my husband and our marriage, it is essential not only for me to make this list, but to dwell on it every single day.

One of the most important things to me is that my husband is a good man. He has strong character and integrity. I never have to worry about him cheating on me or leaving me or abusing me. Just these few things, I think, put me in a small minority of women around the world who have a husband their hearts can trust in. For this, I am thankful.

Along the same vein, but I think deserving of its own bullet point, is that my husband has strong faith. The storms of life don’t shake him, for which all glory goes to the Christ who saved him. I am thankful to have a believing husband who prays with me every night and encourages me in perseverance.

He is very disciplined and hard-working. Sometimes this drives me crazy because his productivity and achievement make me look bad! However, it is a very good thing that God gave me a man who is disciplined and committed to things, because it spurs me on to action when my tendency would be toward laziness.

He is wise and rational. I never have to worry about the decisions he makes because I know they are well-thought-out. He often tempers my high-strung emotion by helping me to slow down, calm down, and think clearly about things.

He has a servant’s heart. He will often sacrifice his own comfort for mine. One example of this is, recognizing that I’m NOT a morning person, he gets up almost every single day to feed our early-rising son his breakfast and lets me get a few more Z’s. He often cooks me eggs for breakfast so they’re ready for me when I get up.

He is a GREAT DAD!!! I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen a better father than my husband is. He is so involved in our son’s life, spending so much time with him and investing deeply in his personal, physical, intellectual, and spiritual growth. I cannot wait to see how their relationship blossoms as our son grows!

He tries really hard to be a great husband. Transparency in communication doesn’t come naturally to my introverted husband, but he recognized how valuable it is to me and how important it is to our marriage, and so he tries. We’re both learning a lot about ourselves and about each other as we make this journey together, and I am thankful that we both want marriage to be a JOY and we recognize that is worth working for.

He trusts me. My husband and I are both frugal people who want to be wise stewards of our resources. Since he works full-time so that I can stay home with our son, that means I have more time than he does to be able to balance our checkbook and keep up with our budget. Knowing how important it is to him, it really means a lot to me that he trusts me completely with keeping our budget, and it makes me want to do a good job to honor his trust.

So I think that’s where I’ll end it for today, but I know there’s much more to be added… I should print this and post it on my wall so whenever I start feeling discouraged or resentful about something that isn’t going well, I can remember ALL I have to be thankful for.

Joni has been married to her best friend, Justin, since 2005, and together they have a 2-year-old son, Elias. Joni has always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, so it was such a blessing when God allowed her to do that when Elias came along. Joni is also a Pampered Chef Consultant, since she loves to cook and throw parties! Read more of Joni’s thoughts about being a Christian wife at muddymamas.net.

The Forgotten Art Of Kissing

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By Brett Smith

Do you remember your first kiss with your sweetheart?  Was it exciting or were you anxiously anticipating it’s ending?  Regardless of what those initial emotions were…..I’m certain over the course of your relationship you experienced moments where you wished the lip locking lasted “almost” forever.  It’s important that in our relationships we cherish those moments and be intentional about making them more frequent instead of accidentally becoming few and far between.  Check out the passionate piece below by Brett Smith and let it serve as a reminder that kissing is key to a healthy relationship.

Sleeping Beauty knew the power of a kiss. Fated to sleep for a hundred years, she was awakened from her trance by her Prince’s lips, and everyone lived happily ever after. Kissing, snogging, smooching, is an integral part of fairytale mythology, romantic novels and famous films. However, in Western sex-obsessed society, kissing is overlooked as an end in itself. Be honest. When did you last enjoy a really passionate pash?

“Many people, particularly if they’re in a long-term relationship, often skip the kissing stage when they begin to make love,” says Susan Quilliam, author of Women On Sex. “But it’s such a shame—kissing is one of the sexiest, most exciting and intimate things a couple can do.”The deep tongue kiss can be a second penetration, while a light kiss or a brush with your lip across a partner’s neck, shoulders or back can spark a rush of erotic reactions through their body. That’s the beauty of kissing. It works in all sorts of places.

As Alex Comfort, in The Joy of Sex, writes: “If you haven’t at least kissed her mouth, shoulders, neck, breasts, armpits, fingers, palms, toes…you haven’t really kissed her.”  The way we kiss – like the way we make love – can, over time, become habitual. And with habit, our sensations gradually shut down. So the answer is to shake things up a bit.

“Be inventive,” Olivia St. Claire urges in 203 Ways to Drive a Man in Bed. “Use your lips, your tongue, your teeth. Press hard. Brush softly. Suck, lick, and bite. Linger lovingly, press passionately. And respond sensitively to his lip manoeuvres. This is not a solo tune but a lovely, harmonious duet.”  When we kiss a lover for the first time our knees go weak and wobbly. It’s a wonderful feeling and it’s worth repeating. So rediscover the kiss, and explore the erotic potential of your lips.

Brett Smith is not your average health and online datingexpert. He has some interesting and controversial views on health and how singles can get through the dating scene successfully published on partner4real.com.au

7 Tips To Increase Your Sex Drive

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By: J Brennan

Has your sex life been a bit neglected lately? Its not like you don’t care but well, it’s just finding the time and energy. It seems impossible some days because there’s work and cleaning and working out and grocery shopping and cooking dinner, laundry, kids, family commitments, friends, ironing!

When you do get horizontal you pass out within minutes. Or you’re not in the mood. Or you just can’t be bothered. Soon enough a month has passed and you can’t remember the last time you had sex. And when was the last time you kissed your partner and I mean really kissed them, not just a polite peck?

If this sounds like you and you want to get back to having a healthy sex life keep reading.

1. Start slow

If you haven’t been intimate for sometime then you might want to build up slowly to get back in synch with each other. Instead of attempting to leap from a standing start to racing speed, ease your way back into each other’s physical space by touching when you can and by being considerate with each other.

2. Surprise!

The element of surprise can be very enticing. You could try taking a long bath together, ambush your partner with a long slow kiss when they are expecting to just touch lips, buy some sexy outfit and give them their own fashion show!

3. Say what you’d like

Don’t assume that because you’ve been together for awhile that your partner knows exactly what you want. Even if they do know, it won’t hurt to tell them once in awhile.

4. Enjoy yourself

When was the last time you fell about laughing together? Or try playing your favorite music and dancing up a storm. Or buy the music that was popular when you first got together and put it on for a trip down memory lane.

5. Put it on paper

If you feel embarrassed saying what you want write it instead. The plus is that you can be as specific as you like without your face turning beetroot red and it gives your partner time to process what you’ve said and get into the mood.

6. Be There

Focus on what you are doing by stopping the internal chatter. Don’t worry that you forgot to pick up the dry cleaning, or how you need to call your mother about her birthday, or the fact that you’re out of cereal. Leave all that stuff to later. Much later. Chances are it won’t seem nearly so important once you’re done.

7. Sex stories to get you in the mood

The mind is crucial in any attempt to resuscitate your sex life. It needs to be turned on first and the body will follow.  Increasing your sex drive won’t happen overnight. It will take some effort. But it won’t happen just because you want it to be different. Try taking an active approach to getting the most out of your sex life. Of all the strategies listed above, reading erotic stories can be one of the most powerful. The secret is finding the right stories but even that isn’t so difficult anymore.


J Brennan provides guidance on love, sex, marriage and family for couples seeking more from their relationship with her website: LoveSexMarriage101.com She also has a collection of sexy stories available at Sexdrive101.com

4 Relationship Rituals From The Ma’at’s To Keep Your Love Rock Solid

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By Aiyana Ma’at

What do you think when you hear the word ritual? Important? Sacred? Habit? Pattern?  One definition I read is: any formal act, institution, or procedure that is followed consistently. All of those things would be correct. Ritual…It instantly makes me pay attention. So, now on to what I wanted to talk about today…What important habits or sacred patterns do you have in your relationship? Do you have any?

For those who are stuck or need a little more clarity, let me give you a few examples from my own marriage:

1. Stay in touch with each other throughout the day.

Ayize and I are aware of each other’s daily lives and know most everything each of us has going on day to day. It helps to keep us connected in to how the other is thinking and feeling on an ongoing basis. We have regular times to talk each day about the simple mundane things that are happening in our day to more complex conversations around the kids, business decisions, etc.

2. BE KIND to each other DAILY.

This is often underestimated. A simple act of kindness can instantly shift the energy within you and your boo. Remember, it’s the smallest and simplest things that usually make the biggest impact. I know I can sometimes be moody but I really try hard to treat my husband the way I want him to treat me. Ask yourself if you would treat a friend the way you sometimes treat your partner. Would you criticize or put down? Would you always be trying to change them? Sometimes if we treated our friends the way we treat the ones we love, we wouldn’t have many friends. Work to make him or her happy rather than better.

3. Have fun with each other every single week.

More than just about anything I love being with my husband, hanging out, holding hands, cracking up, and acting a fool. It is some of THE most sacred time I have in my life. I am very protective over what I consider to be “our down time” because it is literally the road that leads to our incredible irresistible connection and success. We make time for what we value and I highly value spending time with the love of my life. Howard Markman has suggested a simple way to add to your fun things to do list. You and your spouse can each make a list of fun activities you’d like to do. Trade lists. Choose one thing from your spouse’s list. Have them choose one from yours. Schedule the activities. Each spouse takes responsibility to plan the activity chosen from the partner’s list. Make the scheduled activities a priority.

4. Make time for spiritual connection and personal development TOGETHER.

Ayize knows the strength of my faith and how heavily I rely on God to see me and our family through so much. He knows where I struggle in my spiritual walk. He knows how I feel about certain theological perspectives. He knows how I experience God and how I see God. I know what Ayize believes and does not believe in. I know the way he is most easily able to connect to the Creator and I know what resonates with him spiritually and what things make him grimace if he hears them said in a spiritual setting. I know where Ayize is still a work in progress and he knows what I still haven’t fully given over to God….real talk. Why do we know all of these things about each other? Because we make and take intentional time to ask questions of each other that you might otherwise only hear in a theological reflection group. Because we make no (or I should say we try hard not to make) assumptions about what the other person should or should not believe, do, or feel. Because we don’t use what we know about each other against each other and we know that ultimately all of life is a spiritual journey and one of our greatest responsibilities to each other is to be a reflection of the God within each of us.

Nurture your relationship by doing some of the things suggested here. You know yourself and your partner best, so think of other ways you can strengthen your friendship and your bond. With some effort and creativity, you can keep your partner as your best friend for life!

 Aiyana Ma’at is the wife of Ayize Ma’at, mom of 4, and co-founder and owner of this website, BlackLoveAndMarriage.com, as well as PurposePusher.com. Aiyana is a Seeker, Motivator, Risk Taker, Explorer, & Overcomer. She is a self-described PurposePusher and does her best to live her life with self-awareness and intention. Some of her official titles include licensed psycho-therapist, certified marriage educator & relationship coach and speaker. She is clear that a part of the call on her life is to help bring insight and awareness to others so that they can “get out of their own way” and create the lives they want to have.

You CAN Have A Fulfilling Relationship. Four Fantastic Ways To Get Your Needs Met.

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By Chris Andrews

Getting your needs met in your relationship isn’t always easy. But if you want to have a long and happy relationship, you will need to learn how. Here are some tips to guide you along with getting your relationship needs met.

  1. Never assume that your mate can read your mind. A friend of mine always says, “Show me someone who can’t communicate and I’ll show you a failure.” People who can’t communicate effectively generally don’t have much success in life. Tell your mate your likes and dislikes. Just talk to them like you are giving someone directions. They will appreciate your candor and they won’t be mistaken about these needs in the future if you are clear and concise.
  2. Encourage your mate to talk about their needs. We forget to do this because it does require effort on your part, so don’t be afraid to just ask. This will make them feel special and let them know that you care about what they want. Do this step more often than not.
  3. Realize the difference between telling and showing. Some people like to be told, “I love you,” and some people like to be shown love. Make sure you get this one down eventually, since you don’t want to annoy your mate with talk when they like to be shown instead. I have a friend who didn’t like his girlfriend telling him that she loved him everyday. He loved everything about her otherwise. Eventually he let her know this and she wasn’t offended at all-she just didn’t know that this annoyed him.
  4. Don’t be passive aggressive-speak up! This area in relationships is so common, but frequently ignored. If you are serious about getting your relationship needs met, pay close attention to this tip. If you need your mate to help you more with anything (help around the house, help with errands, etc.), JUST ASK. What most people do is assume that their mate already knows what needs to be done, and this just isn’t so. Effective communication will not only help these situations, but will eliminate the silent resentment that happens when we hold back our feelings.

Chris R. Andrews writes about many social topics concerning real folks in real situations. His latest adventure is Relationshipanswers.net

14 Tips On Putting The Friendship Back In Your Relationship

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By Jaci Rae

Men tend to need physical contact to verify their relationships, while women tend to need an emotional connection to validate theirs. Men need that tactile moment that will break the emotional barrier for them and women need emotional stimulation to break the ice with them.  Men are more visual and women are more auditory.

You can see the conflict that arises and why it seems harder for men to create a friendship with a woman than visa versa. For the visual person it can be hard. Even if you are a visual person and cannot change your initial reaction to external stimuli, you can become a seeker of emotional intimacy before you dive into the physical realm.

To help achieve emotional intimacy, thereby becoming a better friend, you need to nurture your partner’s soul by honoring him / her and validating who your partner is. Here are a few ways to do that:

–  Open the door for your partner.

–  Pull the chair out for your partner.

–  Help your partner put their coat on.

–  Go to an important event that celebrates your partner, such as a game or a party.

–  For men, surprise her by cleaning the bathroom or doing other household chores without any outside prompting.

–  For women (assuming you know about cars and how to fix them and your partner isn’t a car freak), why not change the oil as a surprise or cut the lawn?

–  Take an interest in a hobby that your partner loves, even if you don’t find it appealing.

–  Involve your partner in things that you normally wouldn’t include him / her in.

–  Compliment your partner often.

–  Stay in bed with your partner in the morning, gently running your hands across his / her body and watching your partner wake up. This will send a message that you find your partner very attractive and you will go all the way to the end zone with this maneuver! It’s very sexy!

–  Include your partner in the things that you love to do. This will foster an emotional bonding and will make your partner feel that he / she is important enough in your life to share in the things that you love to do.

–  Touch your partner in non-sexual ways: caress his / her arm, rub his / her shoulders or simply hold his / her hand.

–  Ask your partner opinion on things that are important to you.

–  Have a conversation about life, politics (assuming that you are on the same page as your partner is; otherwise, steer clear of these waters if you aren’t on stable ground), friendship and family.

These are just a very few things that you can do to deepen your friendship with your partner. Read books and study other relationships to find other ways to become more open about your feelings.

Jaci Rae is a #1 Best Selling author of Winning Points with the Woman in Your Life One Touchdown at a Time.

What Do You Do When Your Spouse Is Indifferent To You And Your Marriage

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By Leslie Cane

People often contact me and tell me that their spouse has become “indifferent” to them or their marriage.  Needless to say, most people can’t help but notice this.  I often hear comments like: “my husband has become completely indifferent to me.  He’s no longer affectionate.  He mostly just ignores me.  It’s not as if we’re fighting or anything, it’s just as if he doesn’t seem to care whether I’m there or not.  It’s like I’m just any other person or acquaintance rather than his wife.”

Many people assume that if their spouse doesn’t appear to be angry or overtly mad at them, then there’s no ready to worry too much or get worked up about it.  But frankly, I worry a lot when someone tells me their spouse is indifferent.  Because this means that the spouse has possibly checked out of the marriage.

When people are angry, frustrated, or even fighting regularly, they are often doing so because they are still invested enough in their marriage and in their spouse to feel these emotions.  But indifference means something else entirely.  Sure, many find it preferable because there’s not much conflict.  But there isn’t much emotion either and this can be a real problem in your marriage.  In the following article, I’ll discuss what it might mean for your marriage when your spouse is indifferent and what you might consider doing about it.

What Does It Mean When Your Spouse Is Indifferent: Sometimes when people ask me about indifference in their spouse, they’ll try to excuse it away.  They’ll say things like “Oh, that’s just how he is.  He doesn’t get overly emotional about anything.”  But I often ask the person who contacted me to compare their spouses emotions when they first got married to their emotions today.

Because often, when the relationship was good, they’d see what is a high level of emotion from their spouse (even for an even keeled person) in contrast with what they’re seeing now (which is very low emotion.)

Sure, some people aren’t very demonstrative or free with their emotions.  But most people can tell the difference between a low key person and indifference. When a spouse is indifferent, it’s not that they’re not showing their emotions, it’s more likely that they are not experiencing them -at least with you.  Often, you’ll see your spouse interacting very differently with his friends of children.  Much of the time, his indifference is reserved for you.

I can’t say why this is happening as I don’t know your situation.  But most spouses become indifferent when they think the marriage just doesn’t work for them anymore or offers them anything to get worked up or emotional over.  Often, they are beyond being angry or sad or frustrated.

They are at the point where they believe that nothing is really ever going to change or improve, so why bother?  In a sense, indifference is a defense mechanism.  Because they’ll often tell you that they’ve been disappointed before, so whether they realize it or not, they’ve shut down in order to avoid this again, especially when they really believe that nothing is ever really going to change.

What Can You Do When Your Spouse Is Indifferent?  How Do You Handle It?: As you might suspect, the worst way to handle indifference in your spouse is to ignore the problem.  Because the more they withdraw and distance themselves, the harder it is to get them reinvested again.

The thing is though, when you tell them they’re indifferent or ask them why they are acting this way, they’ll often deny that anything is wrong.  They’ll ask why you’re getting so upset when they haven’t done anything or the two of you aren’t fighting.

So, rather than engage or argue about this (which isn’t likely to do any good,) I’d recommend giving them a reason to become involved again.  If they’ve checked out, then you need to give them a reason to check in.

Now, many spouses make the mistake of trying to engage their spouse because they are trying to get any emotional reaction at all.  They would rather their spouse be mad at and argue with them than to ignore them.  I understand this thinking, but I think it’s the wrong call.

Frankly, indifference is beyond the point of angry and trying to make them angry doesn’t really gain you any ground, it’s only made them mad on top of their indifference.  You don’t need two negatives to overcome.

You’ll often be much better off if you can lure them closer to you with positive reinforcements.  Remember when I said that people check out because they really do believe that nothing is ever going to change?  Well, it’s important to understand this because one way to get them to check back in is to show them that they were wrong about this assumption.

So you have to be very proactive in determining what would make them happier in the marriage and providing them just that.  Admittedly, as I’ve said I don’t know your situation.  But I can tell you that most indifferent spouses that I dialog with don’t feel heard, don’t feel appreciated, and don’t feel particularly involved.

If you shift your attention, your priorities, and your actions, you’ll often find your spouse becoming somewhat receptive to you again.  I know that this can be a gradual process, but it is worth it in the end.  I can’t imagine being in a marriage with an indifferent spouse for the long term. It would not be a pleasant experience.  And both of you deserve to have a marriage where both people are fully participating and invested.

You don’t need to necessarily tell your spouse what you’re doing.  They will likely notice even if they aren’t sure why you are doing what you are.

I truly believe indifference is one of the biggest indicators that the marriage is in real trouble.  Because it’s very hard to save your marriage when one spouse just isn’t interested anymore.

Unfortunately for me, I ignored my husband’s indifference for so long that this almost cost me my marriage.  It was a long crawl back but I finally came up with a plan that got him invested in the marriage again and this saved it.  We came a long way and are very solid today.  If it helps, you can read that very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com

Leslie Cane’s blog is at http://isavedmymarriage.com.  She enjoys sharing the story of how she saved her own marriage to help others. Her article website is at http://lesliecanearticles.com

What Color is Your Hat?

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The below story is one that we recently came across that we found to be thought provoking on many levels.  The essence of the message is definitely applicable to relationships. The story’s simplicity reveals the source of communication and conflict mananagement issues in relationships and offers a common sense solution to restore sanity to your home and your heart.  Blam Fam check it out and let us know what you think.

Once upon a time, there was a village with a road that went straight through the center of town.  One day, something strange happened.  God walked down the road…and she was beautiful!  She wore a long flowing robe and on top of her head there was a wonderful hat.  All the people stopped to stare at God as she walked by, and they kept staring until she disappeared in the distance. 

“Boy, God sure was beautiful!” said one man. “And what a beautiful blue hat she had on.”

“Yes, God was beautiful,” said a woman from the other side of the street, “but it wasn’t a blue hat she was wearing.  It was a red hat!”

“You are wrong,” said the man.  “It was definitely a blue hat!”

“No, You are wrong,” said the woman.  “It was definitely a red hat.”

As the two argued, others joined in the dispute.  Soon the whole village was arguing.  All the people on one side of the road were certain that God was wearing a blue hat.  All the people on the other side of the road were certain that God was wearing a red hat.  People got mad and started screaming at each other.  Finally, the people got so angry that they decided to build a wall that went straight down the center of town.  From that point on, the people on one side of the wall were enemies with the people who lived on the other side of the wall, and they never spoke to each other.  On one side of the wall the people built a church where they worshiped a God that wore a blue hat.  On the other side of the wall, the people built a church where they worshiped a God that wore a red hat.

Many years passed, and the people were still enemies.  Then one day, God came walking back through the village.  She was smiling and balancing on top of the wall that the people had built many years ago.  This time she was wearing no hat at all.  All the people ran to the wall and cried, “You must settle our argument!”

“Yes,” said one man. “The people on that side of the street say that when you walked through the village many years ago, you were wearing a blue hat!  But we know better.  We know you were wearing a red hat.  So tell us, God, what color was your hat?”

God looked puzzled for a moment and began to scratch her head in thought.

“I think I remember walking through this village many years ago,” said God, “And on that day, I believe I was wearing my hat that is blue on one side and red on the other.”

And saying nothing more, God continued walking down the wall until she disappeared off in the distance.

It was very quiet for a moment.  Suddenly there was the sound of one child laughing.  Then another child started laughing, and another.  Soon the whole village was roaring with laughter.  Everyone was laughing because they realized how foolish they had been.  As the sound of the laughter grew louder and louder, the wall began to shake and crumble until, finally, it came tumbling down to the ground.

For many, many years after that day, the people told the story of God’s hat, and how laughter had torn down the wall between a divided and foolish people.

Blam Fam let us know what you think.  Have you selfishly built some walls in your relationship because you’re committed to your agenda and being right versus being in relationship?  What walls in your love life need to come tumbling down?

Marriage Advice For Newlyweds: Calm Down

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By Shevach Pepper

As a newlywed, you need to take the time to calm down and not go into panic mode when you find that your first year of marriage is not turning out how you thought it would be. Hollywood can make things seem all rosy with their fairytale romance movies and unrealistic lives. While there is real happiness to be found outside of the movie set, it does take a lot of work. But taking the time to calm down and work out the difficulties you find yourselves having can bring you true closeness and deep happiness in the end.

The following  will show you how you can avoid 3 mistakes that you may encounter in your first year of marriage.

1. Forget about the past. You decided to get married because you loved each other and wanted to spend your lives together. This requires some getting to know each other, compromising and working things out. Just because we as humans like to only remember the good times and forget the bad times, does not mean that they do not happen. Always thinking about how things were in the past will stop you from being able to focus on the here and now.

2. Don’t play the comparison game with other couples around you. It is not fair to either you or your spouse to start comparing your marriage with those of others. Just because another couple may look like they are always happy, does not mean that is the truth. You do not know the troubles they have behind closed doors. All relationships need time to grow and mesh as one. By comparing yourself to others, you do not have the energy and concentration you need to make your own marriage work.

3. Don’t give yourself a time limit before deciding it is time to throw in the towel. As long as there is no physical abuse happening, there is always time and hope to work things out. You must remember that being married is new for both of you. It can be a big change and takes time to grow into a partnership that works well as a team. You do not know when things will get better. Giving up before you find out is not fair to anyone. Try something every day and you will soon find things will improve.

The first year of marriage is an adjustment period for all newlyweds. By all means, while it takes time to get used to living with someone else, you should never give up too easily. The most important marriage advice therefore is to make sure you do not compare yourself to other couples, don’t stay in the past dreaming about how things used to be, and don’t call it quits before you have tried your best. If you stick it out you will soon find happiness once again.

How To Build Spiritual Intimacy In Your Marriage

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Contributed By Marriage Rescue Associates

There is a limit on how close a couple can be to each other if they are not also close to God. Not only individually close to God, but close as a couple as well.

In our Marriage Counseling practice most of the couples who come to us want a deeper spiritual life together. How does a couple get closer to God?

The first thing to do is plan/prepare. Sit down as a couple to talk about the things that have made you feel close to God in the past or that you think would make you close to God in the present. Make two lists. It would be common for each spouse to have different ideas. Since this article is about getting closer to God as a couple, look at the two lists to see if there is anything you could do together.

Set yourselves up for success. See if there is an item that both of you have on your lists (for instance prayer). Talk about how you both like to pray, when to pray, and where to pray. The goal is to come into agreement on how you would like to go about praying as a couple. There is an old saying that couples that pray together stay together.

Getting started is the easy part. The more difficult part is to be consistent with your new goal. Let’s look at some things that would help. You can start with setting a specific time each day. If setting a time each day is too rigid a couple might try setting a sequence, i.e. breakfast, dress, make bed, prayer. Also a couple might arrange accountability with another couple who would like to also improve their spiritual life together.

Once you have started your new goals and practiced them for a period of time, perhaps 30 days, it will become second nature to you and it will require much less effort to sustain.

The strongest thing that you can then do as a couple is to turn outward to help other people. Volunteer at church, help out at a shelter or soup kitchen, or visit a sick friend. If your schedule is too busy to help others, then you are too busy. Purposely helping others will be a life changing experience.

Taking turns reading aloud from a book that helps you get closer to God is very effective. When you read aloud you both experience the words at the same time and can have very meaningful discussions on the content.

Praying for each other is an excellent tool and life changing experience. We recommend buying and using Stormy Ormartian’s Power of a Praying Husband and Power of a Prating Wife as great tools for those who are not experience at praying for each other.

Nothing is more important and effective than reading your spiritual text of preference together. My wife and I read the same Chapter at the same time. We highlight the verses that are the most meaningful to us and then discuss together.

Couples that are close to God heal the fastest even when they are in crisis. We also see that those couples who have not been close to God and close to each other before they came, but make the decision to change have great success in healing their hurts and regaining a true “closeness” as well. Work on building spiritual intimacy in your relationship starting TODAY. Don’t let your marriage or family become another statistic when you can actually do something to change it.

With over 23 years of experience, Marriage Rescue Associates have discovered many effective methods for helping couples restore their family and marriages. As Christian Marriage Counselors, Marriage Rescue Associates can help construct solutions to rekindle love and rebuild trust that has been torn down by endless conflict, indifference, and unmet needs. To learn more about Marriage Rescue Associates, visit us online at www.marriagerescue.org