Love Is A Liberating Experience….. If You Are Willing To Take The Risk

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By Team BLAM

Video: Love is a liberating experience …..if you are willing to take the risk.  If you are willing to risk being vulnerable, exposed, hurt, restored, renewed, and healed love can be a liberating experience for you.  However in order to be “liberated” by love you’ve got to be willing to break free from the current comfort zone in your relationship and endure being scared as you establish a new way of being.  That new way of being may feel awkward at first, you may even resist it…but as long as you remain committed to the process we guarantee that you’ll come to realize that love is a liberating experience and love can feel so damn good…if you are willing to take the risk.

Where Have You Been Neysa Ellery Taylor?

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By Neysa Ellery Taylor

If you were a frequent reader of MyriadThatIsMe or of blackloveandmarriage.com you may have noticed that there’s been one thing missing – me.  I took a hiatus.  Well, that isn’t entirely honest.  I quit.  I threw in the blogging towel.  Why?  Because my marriage was unstable and I was about to give up on it.  (If you follow this blog or anything that I have written, I am sure you can read between the lines.)  So I figured, I had marketed myself as a marriage blogger and now that my marriage was seeming to come to an end, then my chapter was done.  When I first started blogging for BlackLoveandMarriage.com, the Ma’ats said something that stuck with me.  They said to “be honorable when it comes to the blog.”  So I thought that since my marriage was once again on unstable ground then my proverbial pen had run out of ink.

So I shut up and shut down.  I put on a brave front and began to look forward to whatever would happen next.  But there is a saying that “When we make plans God laughs.”  Many of my future plans went out the window when my husband was diagnosed with cancer.  I had to pause my plans and remember that I was “Team Taylor.”  Honestly, I wasn’t going to leave when he was facing a daunting diagnosis.  But beyond the illness, we talked and talked and talked some more.  I guess there is something to be said about open communication when you don’t have anything to lose.  So those talks have lead to listening and that listening has led to more work –  both individually and collectively.  So where do we stand today?  We are still married.  Still moving forward.  Both of us taking small steps toward being what God has called us to be.  Some days it is as if nothing ever happened.  And other days the pain is palatable.  But everyday we are working, improving, praying, and loving.

So that’s where I have been.  What does that mean for my blog?  I dunno.  You’ll have to check back here to see.

Neysa Ellery Taylor lives in Nashville, Tennessee with her husband, Chris, and their 4 children – Asyen, Maya, Preston, and Patrick. An Emmy-Award winning journalist, she hopes to share her passion for marriage and God through her writing. You can read more of her work atwww.myriadthatisme.blogspot.com.

Marriage Advice For Newlyweds: Calm Down

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By Shevach Pepper

As a newlywed, you need to take the time to calm down and not go into panic mode when you find that your first year of marriage is not turning out how you thought it would be. Hollywood can make things seem all rosy with their fairytale romance movies and unrealistic lives. While there is real happiness to be found outside of the movie set, it does take a lot of work. But taking the time to calm down and work out the difficulties you find yourselves having can bring you true closeness and deep happiness in the end.

The following  will show you how you can avoid 3 mistakes that you may encounter in your first year of marriage.

1. Forget about the past. You decided to get married because you loved each other and wanted to spend your lives together. This requires some getting to know each other, compromising and working things out. Just because we as humans like to only remember the good times and forget the bad times, does not mean that they do not happen. Always thinking about how things were in the past will stop you from being able to focus on the here and now.

2. Don’t play the comparison game with other couples around you. It is not fair to either you or your spouse to start comparing your marriage with those of others. Just because another couple may look like they are always happy, does not mean that is the truth. You do not know the troubles they have behind closed doors. All relationships need time to grow and mesh as one. By comparing yourself to others, you do not have the energy and concentration you need to make your own marriage work.

3. Don’t give yourself a time limit before deciding it is time to throw in the towel. As long as there is no physical abuse happening, there is always time and hope to work things out. You must remember that being married is new for both of you. It can be a big change and takes time to grow into a partnership that works well as a team. You do not know when things will get better. Giving up before you find out is not fair to anyone. Try something every day and you will soon find things will improve.

The first year of marriage is an adjustment period for all newlyweds. By all means, while it takes time to get used to living with someone else, you should never give up too easily. The most important marriage advice therefore is to make sure you do not compare yourself to other couples, don’t stay in the past dreaming about how things used to be, and don’t call it quits before you have tried your best. If you stick it out you will soon find happiness once again.

How To Build Spiritual Intimacy In Your Marriage

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Contributed By Marriage Rescue Associates

There is a limit on how close a couple can be to each other if they are not also close to God. Not only individually close to God, but close as a couple as well.

In our Marriage Counseling practice most of the couples who come to us want a deeper spiritual life together. How does a couple get closer to God?

The first thing to do is plan/prepare. Sit down as a couple to talk about the things that have made you feel close to God in the past or that you think would make you close to God in the present. Make two lists. It would be common for each spouse to have different ideas. Since this article is about getting closer to God as a couple, look at the two lists to see if there is anything you could do together.

Set yourselves up for success. See if there is an item that both of you have on your lists (for instance prayer). Talk about how you both like to pray, when to pray, and where to pray. The goal is to come into agreement on how you would like to go about praying as a couple. There is an old saying that couples that pray together stay together.

Getting started is the easy part. The more difficult part is to be consistent with your new goal. Let’s look at some things that would help. You can start with setting a specific time each day. If setting a time each day is too rigid a couple might try setting a sequence, i.e. breakfast, dress, make bed, prayer. Also a couple might arrange accountability with another couple who would like to also improve their spiritual life together.

Once you have started your new goals and practiced them for a period of time, perhaps 30 days, it will become second nature to you and it will require much less effort to sustain.

The strongest thing that you can then do as a couple is to turn outward to help other people. Volunteer at church, help out at a shelter or soup kitchen, or visit a sick friend. If your schedule is too busy to help others, then you are too busy. Purposely helping others will be a life changing experience.

Taking turns reading aloud from a book that helps you get closer to God is very effective. When you read aloud you both experience the words at the same time and can have very meaningful discussions on the content.

Praying for each other is an excellent tool and life changing experience. We recommend buying and using Stormy Ormartian’s Power of a Praying Husband and Power of a Prating Wife as great tools for those who are not experience at praying for each other.

Nothing is more important and effective than reading your spiritual text of preference together. My wife and I read the same Chapter at the same time. We highlight the verses that are the most meaningful to us and then discuss together.

Couples that are close to God heal the fastest even when they are in crisis. We also see that those couples who have not been close to God and close to each other before they came, but make the decision to change have great success in healing their hurts and regaining a true “closeness” as well. Work on building spiritual intimacy in your relationship starting TODAY. Don’t let your marriage or family become another statistic when you can actually do something to change it.

With over 23 years of experience, Marriage Rescue Associates have discovered many effective methods for helping couples restore their family and marriages. As Christian Marriage Counselors, Marriage Rescue Associates can help construct solutions to rekindle love and rebuild trust that has been torn down by endless conflict, indifference, and unmet needs. To learn more about Marriage Rescue Associates, visit us online at www.marriagerescue.org


Negative Co-Workers Are A No No!

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By Team BLAM

VIDEO: If you are in a “good space” in your relationship…don’t be ashamed to show it and share it. If you’ve got something positive going on in your love life don’t allow the negativity you may get from your co-workers to discourage you. Listen in as this wife tries to figure out how to deal with her co-workers and their comments about her marriage. Leave a comment and let us know what you would do.

Happy 39 Year Anniversary To My Incredible Parents

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By Ayize Ma’at

It’s uncommon now a days to see or hear of couples that have been married for more than 25 years.  I truly consider myself to be one of the fortunate few because I’ve had the pleasure of intimately knowing and experiencing a couple who’s nuptials have far exceeded the quarter century mark.  That couple I’m referring to is my parents, Ray and Sharon Morton.  Tomorrow is their 39 year wedding anniversary.  Happy Anniversary Mommy and Daddy : )

For my entire life I have known the value of growing up in a two parent household.  I didn’t always respect, acknowledge, or even consciously understand the value of having them both present but there was always this air of comfort, security, and abiding love present that has formed the foundation of who I am today.

Trust and believe I’m not the disillusioned type to sit here and romanticize my experiences growing up.  I think it’s impossible to go through life without picking up some bags filled with issues from childhood.  Many of us spend the rest of our lives unpacking, throwing away, burning, replacing, or even just staring at those damn bags.  I am no exception.

However, today is not the day to talk about the drama.  Today is a day to celebrate and give thanks because tomorrow is my parents 39th wedding anniversary.  There are two things that I’ve directly experienced while being in relationship with my parents over the past 35 years that have shaped me into the man I am today.

From my mom I’ve learned compassion.  My mom is sooooo accommodating, oft at the detriment of taking care of herself.  She’s a very caring person who feels her way in life.  My mom is warm and full of love.  My mom will ask you if you want something to eat when you come in the house.  My mom is always doing for the elderly.  My mom is fanatical about Jesus. LOL.  My mom will sit and talk with you and really wants to know how you’re doing.  Just to illustrate the type of mom I have….we’ve got this family birthday tradition we do all because of her.  When I was young, whenever it was anybody’s birthday my mom would put up hand written signs and hand drawn pictures through out the house with affirming messages to make you feel good about it being your special day.  We now do it in the Ma’at household and it’s probably a tradition that our children will continue as they get older.  It doesn’t take much….pen, paper, and a compassionate heart to go beyond yourself and make somebody else feel special.  Thank you Mommy for teaching me compassion.

From my dad I learned consistency.  My dad was and still is that dude that you can call if you need something at anytime and he’s “got you”.  My dad was that dude who went out hours out of his way to pick up other peoples children to take them to boys and girls club basketball practice.  My dad is that dude who says family first no matter what.  My dad is that dude who told me years ago that his wife, my mom, is his best friend.  My dad is that dude who just last week, when I was over my parents house having some convo with my mom,  walked through the front door after coming home from work and walked straight over to my mom interrupted our conversation and gave her a kiss on the lips.  My dad has always been there for my mom.  My dad has always been there for me and my two brothers.  Because of that example, that blueprint, I will always be there for my wife and children.  Thank you Daddy for teaching me consistency.

What my parents have is impressive and inspirational.  Because of what I see in them and in their marriage I know what’s possible.  Mommy and Daddy thank you for being my blueprint.  We (me, daughter-in-law, and grand babies) wish you a happy happy happy Anniversary.

 

 

 

I May Not Be There For You If You Choose To Keep The Baby

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VIDEO: My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for the past two years. Prior to the relationship we were good friends. We’re in our early twenties and we’re pretty much in a long distance relationship due to the fact that he’s in the military. When he isn’t deployed or underway we see each other 4-10 times a month. We have a pretty good relationship in which we are honest with each other and committed. However a month ago (before he left for an underway) we had a pregnancy scare. Neither of us are ready for a child but I believe that at our age we cannot play the victim for an accident and abuse the rights to abortion.  As adults we must own up to our responsibilities and keep and raise the child. My boyfriend initially voiced otherwise insisting upon other options (adoption, abortion). He then continued on about how he’s not ready for a child and does not believe he would make a suitable father. He continued even further to say that if I keep the child he does not want any part in the child’s life. Upon seeing my upset reaction he said that he still loves me , that he was simply voicing his current emotions and that upon confirmation of a pregnancy he does not know if he would react and proceed in the same manner. Unfortunately, right after he voiced his opinion it was time for him to leave and we were not able to hatch out everything. With that said that night has been replaying in my head almost everyday since he’s been gone and festering with what I should do and how I should approach the conversation when he gets back. I still love him but that doesn’t change the fact that he hurt me and left me questioning his commitment to the relationship. Based on his initial reaction is it time to call quits because he failed to meet my unspoken expectations of supporting  me and taking responsibility for not just mine but our actions? Or should I respect the fact that he was honest with me about his emotions (a little too honest) which he did not act on by ending our relationship and attempt to work it out upon his arrival?
BLAM Fam..What are your thoughts about this viewer’s situation.

Make Your Wife Feel Special With A Simple Hello

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By Mark Webb

Priorities in a marriage often get turned around. This is especially true if you have children. Children tend to get the majority of our attention because they have greater needs. Since women typically do the lion’s share of child care, husbands need to make sure their wives are well taken care of. One way to do this is to Always Greet Your Wife First.

Husbands, if you want your wife to adore you, develop this simple habit. This minor adjustment will make her feel special and will let her know she is your priority.

Here’s how this works: Husbands, which family member generally gets to you first when you arrive home each day from work? Your children, right? They are so excited to see you. They practically knock you down with their enthusiasm, this is almost impossible to resist. Most husbands greet the children first, but for the sake of the children as well as your wife, do not do this. Always Greet Your Wife First.

Before I tell you why, let me give the husbands a little inside information that I have picked up as a marriage and family therapist. Your wife typically hides from you when you’re expected to arrive home. She wants you to be interested enough and care enough to come find her. If you think about it isn’t she normally in her closet or in the laundry room when you get home? Do not stop and read the mail. Do not sit in your recliner. Go find her.

Instead of stopping to hug the children, say to them, “Ya’ll help me find Momma.”

They will gladly help and you rush to where your wife is. Greet her with enthusiasm. Think about how your children and your dog greet you. Show about the same degree of enthusiasm. Look into her eyes. Embrace her. Tell her how glad you are to see her.

This kind of greeting shows her honor. It automatically conveys a message that she is special to you and she is your priority. It isn’t hard to do but the impact will blow her doors off.

After you have greeted her enthusiastically, greet your children with a similar response. The reason behind this relates to a matter of developing respect from your children for their mother. In most homes, the father can tell the children to do something and the children do it immediately. However, their mother can tell the children to do the same thing and the children give her a hard timed about it. Greeting your wife first helps squash this behavior.

When you greet your children first, then your wife, you are giving the children the message that they are more important than their Momma. They start believing that their daddy holds them in greater esteem than he does their Momma. Thus, they do not have to do what she says. However, when you greet their Momma first, then they see that you hold her in greater esteem and they will do the same. They will then be quicker to do what she says.

Someone will greet them first when they reach adulthood but for now, honor their Momma. Try this out today. You will feel better about yourself as a husband. The love and respect that you show towards your wife will come back to you multiplied.

Mark Webb is the author of How To Be a Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships?. Visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com.

My Husband Wants Female Friends Because He’s Frustrated With Me Sexually

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VIDEO: Occasionally while we are out here coaching couples we come across people that use their spouses “lack of action” to justify their actions outside of their relationship. In this video we are dealing with a similar scenario where a husband wants female friends because his sex life with his wife SUCKS and is basically NON-EXISTENT.  The wife is saying “What should I do!”….so we give her some real advice…as usual.

Sometimes, Appreciation Is All The Motivation He Needs

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By Lorene Troyer

You can motivate your husband and strengthen his feelings of love for you by communicating your appreciation for him and the things he does for you. When he has worked hard all day and he comes home feeling stressed out and exhausted, your gratitude for what he has done, will rejuvenate him and give him a feeling of satisfaction.

When your man is in love with you, his greatest aspiration in your marriage is to please you. If he can do that, he feels like a winner but if he can’t, he may feel like a failure.

He feels responsible for your happiness, and if you always seem to be discontent, he may feel like he’s not a good husband and will eventually quit trying to please you.

If you don’t show any excitement or gratitude when he does something for you, he may not be all that interested in doing anything else for you.

For instance, if he takes you out to eat and you grumble about the food or the restaurant, he feels like it is his fault. But it makes him feel good if he knows you enjoyed the meal and had a good time.

One of the secrets of a good marriage: most husbands prefer to have their woman “do” less for him and be more grateful for he “does” for her. If you have been working hard to be a good wife, relax and simply enjoy what he is doing for you.

Practice expressing your appreciation, not only for any gifts he gives you but also for the things he does every day to help keep your home running smoothly- bringing home a paycheck, taking care of the vehicles, being a good father. Find something to be thankful for.

Appreciating your husband is a powerful way to motivate him and stir up his feelings of love for you. Develop the habit of looking for things to be grateful for and watch your marriage blossom.