We Barely Have Sex But We’re Happy

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Viewer Question: Hello,
My husband and I have viewed a few of your videos and enjoy your viewpoints or should I say appreciate them.  We consider ourselves to be sensible, realistic, honest, sick of the craziness in the world and loving. We’ve been together for 23 years and married for 20. We have two sons, one of which is grown and disabled and now we are dealing with my mom who is experiencing some mental challenges. We have a highschooler, one of us is underemployed (works once or twice a week)  due to job loss a couple of years ago and the current care for our oldest son. Because the situation worked out where I have the full time career etc., admittedly I have many demands and sometimes feel like I am juggling a lot.  Often in addition to my career and being the current breadwinner, I also teach on the side to meet some of our needs. We don’t get caught up in this so much but naturally hubby wants desperately to find reasonable employment and finish school, yet find security for our son!! LONG STORY THERE!
Financial stress: we have that, mortgage woes: we have that, exhaustion due to meeting the needs of our son and life:  got that….and the list goes on.  We even get your communication challenge discussions, because sometimes we have that problem too.  Hubby depression: been there on and off for the last 8 years, with the last two being horrible. He is not happy with his career life.  Church attendance strain due to hubby’s new weird work schedule: problem!!! Me having meltdowns on occasion…PROBLEM!

Now what we manage to do to keep all of this together is have mini dates, dinner nights, concerts, coffee outings, cuddling, talking, car talks, and plenty of laughter in our home.  We can call each other on the phone and flirt, text flirt, reminisce about the past and definitely enjoy our boys. There’s a lot of love in our home even in the midst of the stress.   What is missing is what I will call our sex life!!! Our sex life is nearly null and void. Are we intimate in other ways? I would say yes.  Even if we flirt and kiss cheeks, grope, etc.  we don’t get to actual good old sex. On top of that ( no pun intended) my husband has asked me if I have an office relationship, and he’s acted suspicious etc.  he recently acted suspicious about one of my white co-workers, that quite honestly I wouldn’t be attracted to if I were down with the swirl!! Just because I mostly enjoy the work I do, does not mean I would destroy a marriage over some nonsense!!!
Yes we heard your talk on cheating too! Hubby agreed with your points by the way. With our busy lives we have challenges but cheating is not on my mind!  Hubby reiterates often that he would never accept me going outside of this marriage and he loves me and that he is just going through a difficult time. I understand, even though I am stressed.

So we are under stress and need to get back to a sex life.  Our teen son is observant as all get out so it makes it even more of a challenge. I think he’s listening!  ANY SUGGESTIONS?  We just can’t seem to get it together. I think I count once or twice  in the last 8 months, and I’m scared that I don’t even remember.   When we do finally have sex, it’s not that great unless its some spontaneous living room moment when the boys are at their grandparents, and now that is as rare as an eclipse.  Heck if we weren’t so broke we’d rent a room!!!
Yes we are attracted to each other, and love and adore each other. As an example we had a bit of foreplay last night after going out to dinner without the boys, but the looming drama around my ill mom who I hospitalized this morning and the nosy teen put a damper on that!  We try to have mini dates once a week and an evening date at a concert or event once every 4 to 8 weeks!  Just to give you an idea, I think I’m fairly young at 41 and hubby is 46….God willing we have too many years to love each other  to be at this point.

Please offer us some suggestions.

Thank you for your time!  Peace and love.

6 Ways To Rediscover Erotic Sex With Your Spouse

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By Melanie Votaw

Intense passion and loving intimacy can co-exist, but most couples struggle to merge erotic sex with tender love. Women don’t want to feel objectified to the absence of caring, and couples get bored if their sex lives are completely devoid of heat.

Here are some things you can try to merge tenderness and sexual heat. As you try the exercises, practice seeing your partner as someone you love who also deserves to feel the intensity of your desire and lust. Allow these exercises to move into intense passion.

What starts as gentle play can easily become deliciously hot, but you have to be willing. Don’t take any of the exercises too seriously, however. Playfulness is always welcome as long as you don’t make fun of your partner.

1. Experiment with a light touch on non-sexual parts of the body, such as the palms of the hands, the neck, the face, and the thighs. Take turns, and concentrate on the love you feel for your partner, allowing your arousal to rise naturally from your feelings of affection. Occasionally look into each other’s eyes, and giggle if the urge strikes. Continue to touch until you feel like you can’t stand it unless you make love. Couples often disconnect from both love and lust because they never give their passion time to build to a sense of urgency.

2. Everyone knows that massages are a great way to get turned on, but you can also use them to feel closer to one another. Use scented oil, which will increase the sensuality factor, and connect to the beauty of your partner’s body by closing your eyes. You can even imagine that you’re a sculptor creating this body in clay. As you rub, tell your partner what you love about his or her body. Here are examples: “I love the way your hip curves right here” or “The muscles in your arms feel so strong.”

3. Moisture is very sensual and sexy, so take a pump bottle of body lotion and drizzle it over your partner. Of course, this is best done standing in the shower so that you can watch the liquid drip down over the hills and valleys. Then, rub the lotion into your partner’s skin with every part of your body except your hands! This is both sensual and playful and can lead to a passion-fest, if you let it.

4. Try some naked play in the tub or shower. Splash each other, build shampoo foam hats on each other’s heads, and engage in general silliness. If it doesn’t lead to lovemaking, don’t worry. You’re still connecting with each other in a great way.

CLICK HERE to read more.

He Doesn’t Like Having Phone Sex With Me…And It’s Becoming A Problem

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This viewer is feeling frustrated because she enjoys having phone sex however her man doesn’t.  Listen in and let us know what you think she should do.

Viewer Letter:

My partner and I are currently in a long distant relationship. He and I have been together for about 2 years but have been apart for about 8 months pursuing our graduate degrees at universities that are 600 miles apart. It hasn’t been easy but we’re obviously committed to making our relationship work. I’ve always been open to phone sex in attempt to keep things interesting but I tend to always be the one to initiate it. Recently, he voiced that he does not like and never has liked phonesex but he does it because he knows I like it. Although I appreciate his attempt to keep me happy, I don’t want him to have to do something he doesn’t like. I couldn’t help but feel like my womanhood had been bruised but he voiced that it wasn’t that he doesn’t find me sexually attractive but something about that process (phone sex) doesn’t suit him. Do you have suggestions on compromising on this? Or other methods of keeping the sexual aspect of this our distance relationship afloat? Thank you!

Spice Up Your Sex Life By “Doing It” In Public

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By Tatiana Kaletsch

Slipping away hand-in-hand with your S.O. to a dark, deserted alley is a risky rendezvous, but that’s part of what makes it so hot, right? Where are the sexiest locales for getting it on … and is anything off-limits? Our experts weigh in on everything you wanted to know about having sex in places beyond the bedroom.

Whether you are newly in love or are looking to spice up your love life, taking sex out of the bedroom can be healthy for your relationship and enjoyable for both of you. Sneak off to public places where you probably wouldn’t get caught: a secluded golf course, a quiet back alley or on the beach at night. Or, meet in public places where you have a high risk of getting caught: between the bookshelves in a library, in public transport, in the elevator, in a phone booth or in a nightclub. Risk can enhance the experience for both of you! Here are a few more ideas:

1. Rooms of the house (besides the bedroom). Getting out of the bedroom means you don’t have to go far. Go to rooms in the house that have a different association for you such as the familyden or your kid’s room. Rooms in your house that are used for other functions make a great playground for the experimental couple. The laundry room, the kitchen, the dining room, the staircase and even the balcony are favorites. Surprise your partner with mood-setting candlelight, scents or music.

2. Anywhere there is water. Favorites include in the shower or bath, in or near a swimming pool, on a waterbed, in a raft or in a canoe. These are places to learn and try new positions.

3. Cars. Add to the adventure by being creative, such as the back of a limo while being driven to a location, while parked in a drive-in, or even in an impossible traffic jam. Taking your car to a quiet and safe area is an invitation to have sex on the roof or trunk.

4. Out in nature. Getting it on outdoors appeals to the animal in you! The forest, a beach, a meadow are favorites. If you are camping, a tent provides protection. If there is a waterfall on your outing, you can explore intimacy under the running water.

5. A change in the weather. Enhance your mood in the rain, during a thunderstorm, or if you are lucky enough to experience the natural beauty of a rainbow – all these require being spontaneous as well.

6. Get dirty where it’s dirty. Try your garage, tool shed or where it is a bit muddy. The ability to completely let go can be a turn-on for your partner. You show the side of you that is the refreshing opposite of daily routines and discipline.

Just as you might explore your own apartment or home, you might find places that are reserved for activities of a much different kind: department stores, churches, even a graveyard.

CLICK HERE to read more.

Can A Woman Tell Through Oral Sex That Her Man Has Been With Another Woman?

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Viewer question: My woman swears up and down that she can detect infidelity.  She even went as far as to say that she has ways of knowing whether I’ve been faithful based on certain secret variables when she’s giving me he@d.  It’s killing me that she’s questioning my character and integrity when I haven’t done a damn thing.  So my question to you is this, can a woman tell through the act of giving oral sex that her man has been with another woman?  I’m trying to put an end to this madness.

I’m Struggling With Same Sex Attraction Part 3

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letter Cont’d

My saving grace…

After prayer and much conviction, I sought out one of my other good friends ( a godly woman, that lives her life according to the word). I confessed my sins to her and explained what I was going through and she was very understanding and referred me right to the word of God. She even prayed with me. She never judged me. And she was honest with me. She expressed to me that I was headed in a danger zone. She told me about one of her other friends that was in a similar situation. They agreed to be a part of that lifestyle and their marriage was ruined forever. She gave me scriptures to refer to and meditate on day and night. That same night another girlfriend of mine invited me to her church that next day. I went to the service, and Im grateful I did. The word was just for me. “God will give us a way of escape!” I knew I was headed down a path of destruction.

My husband became angry with me after realizing I had a change of mind. His words to me were “You have been saved a long time and this lifestyle has been ‘a part’ of you for a long time and you mean to tell me you’re just this new found woman over night?!” I was literally fighting the devil himself. Every time my husband would bring the issue up, I went straight for the word. I was in a battle. Finally he stopped bringing it up but our relationship changed forever. His heart is hardened toward me. Our relationship was already rocky prior to these last issues. So this was basically the icing on the cake. When ever there was a disagreement about something, he would always end with “well maybe I should just leave, besides it doesnt help that we have our issues that wont go away.” This comment lets me know that he has not forgot and has not forgiven me. And it’s obvious he does not trust me. I’m still hurt and confused because I having been thinking “what the devil meant for harm, God will turn around for me good.” Im not seeing any good come out of this. We are barely existing in this relationship.

To make matters worse the enemy will bring “gay topics or comments” up in my household. If its through TV like the news, questions the kids may have, a sitcom, a movie….HE WILL NOT LET MY HUSBAND FORGET. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. Im afraid of talking to other women cause I am worried about what he may think, I dont have any friends come over or do things with them (he thinks all are my friends are suspect). My best friend and I no longer talk. I look at romance movies or tv shows and I cry. When I see couples that are in love and how they handle each other or when I see other woman hanging with friends, having a good time, and the husbands are in another room hanging out and everybody is having a great time, I cant help but to think…”my life should be like that” I feel like the devil has stolen so much from me. Where is the good in all of this? I don’t see it. We have had TONS of issues in our 15 years of marriage. The Good times can be counted on one hand. I am weak, I am a emotional reck, I am insecure, I am vulnerable, I feel unloved, unappreciated…etc.

I have made several mistakes in my life. However I have come to God, many, many times, seeking His forgivness. Admitting my faults and my issues, my idols, my strongholds…EVERYTHING. I take it to the throne of grace before HIm. Yet no real deliverance.  Yet no change in my husband. Ive been trying to say that gving up is not an option but honestly sometimes giving up looks better then what I am going through now. God couldnt possibly want this for me life. I AM NOT LIVING.

Before you ask, my husband and I do belong to a word teaching church. It’s a great church, however it’s a mega church. At times I don’t feel connected. We have belonged to this church over 10 years and my husband doesn’t want to leave. I on the other hand is reaching for another level in Christ and my church is not providing that at the time. I don’t want to be at separate churches so I watch other churches online, where the spirit of the Lord is high. I receive fulfillment from TV and attend our church with him on Sunday. We have done christian therapy and counseling twice before. Even though a lot has happened since we have gone to counseling, I don’t think he will be willing to go again. His heart has hardened toward me. At this time I don’t believe he thinks that lifestyle is wrong, especially if he reaps the benefits. It’s a double standard for sure. Just the other day the news was talking about gay marriage and my daughter asked him “dad, isn’t being gay a sin?” He told her, “well it depends on how you look at it.” With a very confused look on my face, I’m thinking “really?” I didn’t comment, only because I just didn’t want to go back down that road with him. Satan makes sure that topic is never far!

I really need help. My best friend do not talk anymore. I don’t go out any where or hang with friends. I do nothing. This isn’t living. Do I reconcile with my best friend or do I let that friendship die? How do I handle all other relationships? Do I just not have any friends because of how he feels or the thoughts he has?

Looking for freedom!

CLICK HERE to read Part 1

CLICK HERE to read Part 2

I’m Struggling With Same Sex Attraction Part 2

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Part 2 of letter:

My best friend, who is bisexual, knew of my past. However I didn’t open up to her until after she told me she was bisexual and was always attracted to me. We had been friends a long time before I knew this about her. I never had a clue.
Once she disclosed this info to me, I kept it to myself. I never told my husband, because of how he was. He seemed jealous of my relationships, he seemed to have an issue with everything and everyone and to top it off he was homophobic! SO I THOUGHT. My husband should be my best friend. I should be comfortable telling him everything, without judgement.

It made it very uncomfortable for me at first, knowing my best friend had been attracted to me, many years ago. But we moved on and never let that hinder our friendship. I will say there were times I thought about my past and my curiosity.  So, years later, one day she and I went out. We had drinks and a night of fun. However, on the way home, we ended up kissing, AWKWARD! To this day I’m not really sure what brought this on, but we kissed. That is all it was. A kiss. I will say that I was very vulnerable, and she knew it. But nothing became of that and we moved on. When she told me the truth about herself and how she once felt about me, she also told me about a friend of her’s who knew all about me and how my best friend use to feel about me. Well she used that information to her advantage. One day we all went out. She was a very nice girl and we all had a good time. This girl however had an ulterior motive. She invited my best friend and I back to her house. She gave us drinks and put on porn movies. Of course I was horny and very aroused watching it. She walked to the back of her apartment and about 10 minutes later she asked us to come back. She was basically setting us up for a threesome. Lights were out and soft music was playing. Now for someone as curious as me, you would think I would be excited, or thinking “I can finally get my chance to find out” But that couldn’t be further from the truth! I was extremely uncomfortable and wanted to run. My best friend was uncomfortable too. So basically all that happened was some touching. NO oral sex or anything like that. Again, my best friend and I never really discussed that day but maybe just about how embarrassed we both were. My friend always had my best interest at heart and never wanted to see me get hurt.

Fast Forward….

My husband, about a year and 4 months ago, decided to have a conversation about polygamy with my son. My son, with his curious mind, after watching a clip from the news said he wouldn’t mind having two or more women. Of course my husband whispered to me, “its a double standard cause what man wouldn’t want two women” and then he kinda smiled at me. I’m thinking “he can’t be serious, not my husband” SO this started a night of a long “pillow talk” discussion. Questions were asked of me like “have I ever, would I ever, are any of my friends gay or bisexual or do I know anyone who is…blah blah blah. Of course at the time, I’m thinking he seems so sincere. Which is rare during any of our conversations. I was very timid and was thinking he had an ulterior motive to get me to confess something. I took a gamble and I confessed that my best friend had been with a woman before (her being bisexual was not mentioned at the time). Of course he then asked me would I ever, have I ever kissed her or consider a threesome. Again I was even shocked at the question but of course I shrugged it off as no big deal and said eeeww, heck no! Thats my best friend. I was not completely comfortable giving that info. This conversation started a bunch of other conversations and sparked his “obvious curiosity”. He wasn’t getting the answers he wanted to hear from me so he called my best friend and asked her himself  “have you been with my wife”. Instead of simply saying NO, she says “I am not going to talk about anyone else’s business. If you want to know about your wife, ask your wife” NOW, my husband is a police officer and he interrogates people for a living. THAT basically answered his question. He told her he had to call her right back because someone had came into his office. She then calls me to say what was being said and of course I’m like, why didn’t you just say no?!! She said “what is the big deal? It happened a long time ago, you know he likes it anyway and he is curious. Besides he is going to be calling me back, what do you want me to say?’ I said well its too late now, you have already answered his question! Just admit to it. Which is exactly what she did.

This started a month of hell for me! My husband, comes home after that conversation with her, with flowers for me!! He has NEVER bought me flowers before! So I was completely shocked and confused. I was thinking “Lord you cant be serious? You cant possibly be using this ordeal to bring us closer!!” I was so hurt. I didn’t know what to think. It took me admitting to being with a woman for him to show any type of admiration toward me? How could that be? He quickly became very interested in what I had to say. He gave me undivided attention, which he never does! He seemed totally sincere and understanding. Then he shocked me even more by saying he wanted to see me and my best friend together, and he wanted a threesome! “WHAT?” “LORD REALLY?? THis isn’t your will for my life is it?” But I was scared to say no. He seemed so “into” me. We started having sex almost everyday, he was being a little but more freaky (excuse my expression). He seemed to be very aroused and horny. BUT IT WASN”T ME AT ALL, IT WAS HIS THOUGHTS that brought all this on. He wasn’t turned on by me, he was turned on by the thought of his fantasy finally being played out.

I KNOW THIS IS LONG AND I AM SORRY! I need healing, my marriage needs healing and Im desperate! I don’t think he will do counseling AGAIN! I need direction from The Lord!

Moving on…So once he started acting more ‘into’ me, and after the discussions of having a threesome, I agreed to do it. I was liking the attention he was giving me. Even though I had a hard time understanding how this situation was going to turn my marriage around, I was going to do it anyway. (Deception Big Time!) I was being deceived and the enemy was using my husband to do it. He started asking me questions about my past, which made me very uncomfortable because I was still unsure of his motives. I went ahead and told him what happened as a young girl. My story didn’t seem to bother him much because he figured I wasn’t being all the way truthful. In his mind, I has been with several women, sexually, for the majority of my life. He thought that it was my lifestyle. And nothing I could say or do would change is mind. He also kinda figured out that I was basically having a emotional connection to another female. ( another story I didnt mention, we can touch on that later) He then got angry when “my truth” didnt line up with the ‘truth’ in his head. Things were not as they appeared to be. He was thinking all kind of things about me that were not true at all. But in his mind, because they were his thoughts, it must have been true.

He started contacting my best friend again, asking her different questions about me, us, and things in general. My husband, being the type of person he was, would interpret things totally different from how they actually were and he would come home to me and think I would be lying. So basically there was a lot of back and forth between him and my best friend, between him and I and between her and me. Stories would get really mixed up. He lashed out and her, cursed her out and told her she was no longer welcome in our home. He was basically upset things were not going his way.

PART III COMING SOON

I’m Struggling With Same Sex Attraction Part 1

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I first I want to say that I love reading your blog. I love watching you guys together, your chemistry is real. I also love your sense of humor as well…it puts a smile on my face and keeps me going! Seriously.

Anyway, I’m just so overwhelmed in my life and marriage that I dont know where to begin. I could write a book about my life. I am a woman, wife and mother after God’s own heart. Its a daily struggle for me. I know the word says that God will put no more on me then I can bare…doesn’t feel like that. I don’t see any good coming out of what the enemy meant for harm.

My marriage is not thriving, we have sooo many issues from, trust, lust, lying, infidelity, sexual immorality….just stuff! My husband wanted a threesome cause he found out my best friends was bisexual and that we kissed. That’s a long story but that’s not the life I want for myself or my marriage. His heart has hardened toward me. We are just existing, more like roommates and my heart hurts so bad! Below, in bold italics is another email I sent to another blog looking for help but I haven’t received a response. I know this is a long email and a lot of information. Hopefully you will be able to respond, if not, please keep me in your prayers.

This will be very difficult for me to share so please bare with me. No one knows what I’m about to share, at least not in full detail, besides my best friend.

I have struggled with same sex attraction for a while. Actually not really attraction, it’s been more of a ‘sexual’ thing for me. Its not like I want to be in a relationship with a woman. I would get more aroused from watching porn of two women then actually wanting to be engaged in the act.

My past:
My first sexual experience was with a girl. I was spending the night with a friend, about 10 years old, and she started touching me during the middle of the night. I thought I was dreaming. I knew it felt good until but then I woke up and realized it was happening for real. I was too ashamed to say anything and too scared to actually let her know I knew what was going on. So I pretended to still be sleep, while she touched me. Nothing was ever said. This ordeal basically opened a Pandora’s box. The second encounter, which was about a year later, was basically two childhood friends playing house…nothing major right? Harmless so I thought. We touched each other, kissed each other…”playing mommy and daddy”. But of course two young to really understand, the seed had been planted.

I never wanted to be in a relationship with a woman but I often wondered what it would be like sexually. I was introduced to porn at young age, due to snooping. Another seed. I was very aroused by watching, and even more so with the women. I could not wrap my head around it.
I was very promiscuous. I have always been attracted to men and I’ve always had relationships with only men. But the curiosity never left.

Fast Forward:
I am married, 15 years, with two teenagers. My relationship has been rocky majority of our relationship. I’ve never really felt loved by husband. I’m lonely majority of the time. I am in a vulnerable state and I thrive for his attention.
My husband has in the past, accused me of being gay or bisexual. Don’t really remember what brought this on at the time but I was offended. My husband did not know anything about my past at the time. He has never been easy to talk to and he has controlling and has manipulative ways, so I was basically scared. I have never felt “safe” with sharing my heart and deep emotional pain due to judgement and based on how he has reacted in the past.
Our relationship started off very fast. We met, after 6 months we were moved in with each other and after 1 year I was pregnant with our first child. We got married while I was 8 months pregnant. We spent the first year together, everyday. We were “in love” or infatuated. I had just come out of a long relationship and was not looking to be in another one. I had no real healing and I have never been in the position of getting to know myself. As long as I can remember, I have been in a relationship with somebody. My husband is very different from most men I have dated. I have, for the most part, always been put on a pedal stool. I have been cherished. The men always “showed” affection and love toward me. The relationship I had prior to my husband was the one that left me with low self esteem, confused and lonely. He cheated on me…Never thought something like that could happen to”me”. So I went into this marriage blind and broken! Prior to meeting my husband I wrote a list of things I wanted in a mate. Here is some of what I asked for…

“To not always want sex (this guy I was seeing prior, that was all we did), someone that stood on his own, somebody that I wouldn’t be able to push around, someone that can think for himself.” These are just some examples…and let me just tell you, God has a sense of humor!! 🙂 If only I can renounce some of those things I said. God gave me exactly what I asked for. The sad thing is, there is no real intimacy now. He is not affectionate. He doesn’t speak my love language AT ALL! He STANDS ON HIS OWN FOR SURE! He seems very controlling and manipulative at times. We rarely have sex, which is the only way I receive any time of affection or intimacy from him. This has been very hard for me and thus why our relationship has experienced most of its turmoil. Moving on…

I started working for a company and I made quick friends. It was about 7 of us, 3 of them happen to be gay. Not a big issue. I even told my husband that one girl I had become really good friends with was gay. Didn’t think it was a real issue at the time. But my husband started with his thoughts in his head from that moment on. Anyway this young lady I was friends with started to like me. Besides just being curious, there was never any attraction on my end. However I did find it flattering. This was my first time actually being around gay people.
Because of the way my husband is, and because of some of things we were going through, and I don’t know where it started for me exactly, but it made it very difficult to be honest with him about things. I became a big liar early on in our marriage. About everything, big or small. BIG MISTAKE! This has never been a problem in any relationship I have ever had. He use to have problems with everything. He hated that I knew a lot of people. He hated that I had so many friends. I would almost dread going out, in fear of running into someone I knew. I allowed him to manipulate me. I allowed him to get inside my head. This fear would cause me to not want to bring friends around, go out, or basically do anything. I felt myself doing a lot of things in secret, and for no reason at all! Simply based on “feelings”. (gee, there is SO much to my story).

 

Are You Having “Good Enough” Sex?

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By Stephen Snyder, M.D.

Several years ago, a merchant in my neighborhood learned that I was both an MD and a sextherapist.  The next time I was in his shop, he asked me if I could get him some Viagra.

“How long have you had erection problems?” I asked.

“I don’t,” he answered.  “But my wife and I have been married for 30 years.   To tell you the truth, sometimes I’m too tired or preoccupied to get hard without the Viagra.”

What was this man’s problem, exactly?   He wanted to have sex with his wife, even though he wasn’t feeling that strongly turned on.    Evidently there were other reasons he wanted to do it.

Sound familiar?  Of course:   He wanted to make love like a woman.

Women can have sex with their partners any time they want.  They don’t have to be very excited.  Sure, some lubricant might be required, especially over 50.  But the absence of peak excitement isn’t necessarily a deal-breaker.

A woman can make love for other reasons besides strong desire.  To feel close, or emotionally connected to her partner.  To promote loving feelings.   Or just for the simple pleasure of the experience.   Even occasionally to keep a partner happy even though she might be too tired or preoccupied to be really into it.   A useful book on the subject calls it “Good enough sex.”

One wouldn’t want ALL one’s sex experiences to be like this.  But once in awhile it’s OK.   Especially if the alternative is not to make love at all.   If there’s one thing that sex research repeatedly shows about successful long-term couples, it’s that they keep having sex even when if the sex isn’t always earth-shaking.   The ritual itself is important.

Men traditionally haven’t been able to do sex very easily under conditions of lower arousal.   Especially over 50, when it ordinarily takes more stimulation to stay hard than it did at 20.    If a man for whatever reason hasn’t been strongly turned on, conventional sex hasn’t usually been an option for him.

CLICK HERE to read more.

I Gave Some To My Husband Last Night

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Have you ever wanted to have sex with your boo….but just didn’t feel like it?  Aside from the awkward and uncomfortable positions…”doing it” is a process.  Even when you want “it”, it’s easy to miss out on “it” because you don’t want to get caught up in the work of “getting it”. Ladies last night I rose above my tiredness and blessed my husband.  I too was definitely blessed in the process.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again….sometimes you’ve gotta do “it” even when you don’t feel like it or don’t want to. Check out the video and let me know what you think.