To Know You Is To Love You

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By Skye Thomas

How do you show someone you love them? Do you buy them expensive gifts? Spend quality time together? Make personal sacrifices just to see them smile? Dedicate a song to them? Write a love letter or note of encouragement? Become their cheerleader? Those are wonderful things to do but my question goes deeper then those types of activities, even beyond your romantic partner. Think about your parents, your children, your best friend, your sister, or your brother… anyone you love. How do you really show them that you love them? Reverse the question if you like – how do you really know if someone loves you?

The answer lies in getting to know them. To truly love someone is to care about them to the very depth of who and what they are, what they believe, what they like, what they dislike, how they respond under pressure. It’s so much more than what’s their favorite color? Who’s their favorite musician? All time favorite movie? It’s knowing that they don’t like fruit flavors in their colas, no cherry or lemon cokes. It’s knowing just what temperature she likes her bubble bath. It’s knowing that he prefers wearing cotton and why. It’s knowing the perfect birthday present when they didn’t even know what to ask for. It’s looking at each other across a room and sharing a private joke without saying a word. Loving someone is the ability to see past the polite response to “How’s it going?” and knowing that they really aren’t “Fine, thanks.”

How do you get to that point? You watch them. You observe them. You ask them questions. You really listen to their answers. You figure it out. Why do you put so much time and energy into it? Because you love them. Because they fascinate you. Because you really don’t have anything more important to do with your time. You are really truly present. You don’t ever stop. How many relationships fizzle because we simply grow apart? We grow apart because we aren’t paying attention to each other anymore. We are no longer connected.

Maybe you’re bitter because your own needs aren’t being met. Fair enough. It sucks to be in a one sided relationship. No argument there. Tell them. Tell them you feel ignored, unimportant, distant, like it just isn’t special anymore. Tell your mother you miss being really connected and close. Tell your lover you feel like the two of you are running on autopilot and it just isn’t that incredible close relationship that you once had. Tell your teenager that you hate the distance that’s growing between you. Reach out afterwards and ask them to share their heart’s secrets with you. “Tell me who you are. Tell me what you dream of. Tell me, do you still love chocolate ice cream with Oreos on the side for breakfast? Tell me what your soul’s made of, and I’ll tell you about mine.” Then listen, really listen. Hear their answers.

Nobody can truly be close to me and not know that Melissa Etheridge sings to my soul. You can’t listen to her song Talking to my Angels and not think of me. If you really loved me enough to know me personally, you’d know that they’ll be playing her song, This War Is Over at my funeral some day. You’d know that I long to visit Ireland and that I love fairies because I think they’re our guardian angels. You’d know about “those two people” that I write these articles and stories for. You’d know what “the Winnebago Years” are all about. You’d know that when I’m really angry and losing control that you need to distract me with something logical to wrap my brain around and I’ll suddenly start pulling myself back together. You’d know that lying is my biggest pet peeve.

What do I know about the people I love? I know that she doesn’t drink caffeine anymore and always orders strawberry lemonades when we go to lunch. I know when he lies to protect me and when he lies to protect himself. I know by the look in their eyes, when my children are starting to get sick. I know why she keeps trying to become a vegetarian and why she fails at it. I know that music haunts his soul even though he’s stuck working as a salesman. What would I know about you if I loved you enough to really get to know you?

Are we so wrapped up in ourselves, our careers, our own personal schedules and goals that we forget to really connect with our loved ones? When was the last time you really checked into the hearts and minds of those you profess to love? We all change, grow, evolve. Are they still the same people you fell in love with? How would you know? I’m not who I was fifteen or twenty years ago, or even the same person I was five years ago. Are you? Are they?

What’s the greatest gift you can give someone? Your full attention and focus. Take the time to really get to know them after all these years. Fall in love with them all over again. Get to know them as if you’ve just met. Of course you have to honor their secrets, be loyal, don’t use the information to play power games or to ever belittle them. That destroys trust. Use the information to pick out the perfect gift, to plan the perfect vacation, to surprise them with a movie they’ve never seen but will love, or to simply bring them their coffee with the perfect amount of cream and sugar before they even realized that they wanted some.

It can be as simple as asking them, “Tell me about yourself. Tell me what the world looks like through your eyes.” Create the little moments that say ‘I love you’ by knowing what ‘I love you’ looks like to them.

Skye Thomas began writing books and articles with an everyday practical approach to life in 1999 after twenty years of studying spirituality, metaphysics, astrology, personal growth, motivation, and parenting. After years of high heels and business clothes, she is currently enjoying working from home in her pajamas. Go towww.TomorrowsEdge.net to read more of her articles and to get a free preview of one of her books. 
Skye@TomorrowsEdge.net

5 Ways You Are Sabotaging Your Sex Life

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By Drs. Chuck And Jo-Ann Bird

Scientists have confirmed that chocolate contains an enzyme that can set off the pleasure centers of the brain in a manner that is similar to the effect sex has on the brain … which is why when you’re too tired for one, you’re likely to reach for the other: “Not tonight, honey, I’ll have a Hershey’s Kiss instead.”

 But what if you’re not tired? What if you’re just plain bored or not interested in a sex life that isn’t what you’d imagined? You can turn the tide — but it takes more than just avoiding the candy aisle at the supermarket. We’ve put together a list of the five most common barriers to a healthy sex life — and how to get past them.

1. Negative or self-defeating thoughts about sex. These thoughts can come from anywhere (e.g. your childhood, religion, past sexual experiences, etc.) and can really affect your sexuality. Some of us grow up thinking sex is dirty or sinful, while others are taught to be ashamed of their bodies. If you have negative thoughts about sex, they’re bound impact your sexual behavior, so make it a point to work past them.

The truth is, sex isn’t dirty. In fact, doctors agree that it’s healthy! It’s good for your cardiovascular system, stress relief and even helps to fight off illnesses by increasing your body’s natural defenses. Sex is also good exercise, burning off as many calories as playing a set of tennis. Develop healthier attitudes about sex with your partner and stomp out those negative, self-defeating thoughts.

2. Focusing solely on performance. When you’re too self-conscious of your performance during sex (am I moving the right way? Am I making sounds that turn him on?), you’re putting undue pressure on yourself — pressure that can negatively affect your sexuality and lead to self-fulfilling prophecies.

Remember, your body isn’t perfect (no one’s is!), and it won’t ‘work’ perfectly all the time. Expecting perfection in your sexual performance will only lead to frustration and disappointment. Instead, focus on the fun and pleasure of sex, intimacy with your partner and the joy of pleasing each other.

3. Not owning your sexuality. The phrase “know thyself” applies perfectly to your sexuality. If you don’t know what feels good and how to bring yourself to orgasm, how can your partner? Don’t be afraid to get to know your body, recognize what feels good to you and acknowledge your sexual desires. There’s nothing shameful about this kind of self-awareness. 

Also, don’t hesitate to share your desires with your partner — and refrain from blaming your partner for sexual issues, especially before you take a hard look at yourself. Finger-pointing can seem like the easy way out, but the truth is it takes two to tango.

CLICK HERE to read more

They Said Her Husband Was A Sex Addict….WRONG!

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By Calle Zorro

I continue to be amazed at how insane our “women’s-lib-conditioned” world grows. Even more insane is that certain MEN have so bought into that agenda that they have become better “women’s-libbers” than the women ever were.

Take this true story for instance (the names have been changed for privacy)…

Joe and Jackie were married for 4 years before they had children. During that time, they had a pretty good marriage. Sure they had their bumps in the road just like everyone does but overall, things worked pretty good and the needs on both sides were met at a satisfactory level.

And in particular, they usually had sex at least a couple of times a week – sometimes it was more like 3 – 4 times and sometimes it was only once a week – but overall, it was a frequency level that Joe was happy with.

But then, Jackie gets pregnant and 9 months later, out pops little Jewel.

Little Jewel no more arrived on the scene when Joe and Jackie’s marriage took a major turn for the worse…

From Jackie’s perspective, everything was mostly fine…new baby…Joe’s job paid well enough that she didn’t have to worry about money…the house was nice…the cars were all good…extended family was all good…everyone was healthy…and she was satisfied.

Well…at least on most levels she was. She definitely was not satisfied with the division, distance, and negative energy that was growing increasingly strong in their marriage.

A year and a half later, Jackie finds out that Joe has been cheating on her for over 6 months. Of course, she’s devastated and angry but they go to marriage counseling and the counselor helps Joe with his “anger management” problem and his “expressing emotion” problem and soon enough, they got everything patched up and they were back to running down the marriage-track again.

But, they no more get back to running when Jackie comes up pregnant again – and 9 months later out pops little Jai.

As you probably expected, the same exact situation plays out again…a year and half later, Jackie finds out that Joe’s been cheating on her again…for over 8 months this time.

So, they jump in the Benz wagon, head off to another marriage counselor’s office…and this second counselor was a little “sharper” than the first one…he discovered that with the birth of each baby, Jackie lost all interest in having sex.

For months on end, 100% of her interest was in the baby and 0% of her interest was in Joe.

Except that wasn’t the “problem”…

And here’s what I’ve been leading up to that so amazes me…

According to this particular marriage counselor, the problem was NOT that Jackie had lost all interest in having sex with Joe and was refusing to have sex with him month after month.

The problem was…and get this…

Joe was a SEX-ADDICT!

According to this counselor, the fact that he wanted sex at least once a week made him a “sex-addict”.

So, Joe accepts the counselor’s verdict – who was after all, the “expert” – and they go through a tidy little program to “help Joe overcome his sexual addiction”.

Then, with his “sexual addiction” supposedly out of the way Joe and Jackie head back to the house to live happily and “sexlessly” ever after…

Is that just NUTS or what?

Well, to me, it’s more than just nuts, it’s unacceptable.

I DO NOT accept the idea that a woman can go on a sexual vacation for months or years on end and that’s completely “ok” because she’s “bonding” or “finding herself” or whatever it is that clinicians decide it is that she’s doing.

Why should it be acceptable for a woman to stop being a wife in a marriage?

I mean, it’s not acceptable to the normal woman for her husband to go on a financial vacation and stop providing for the family, is it?

We know it’s not…in fact, it’s not even acceptable to a woman who’s not even your wife now…you let one of those men who has an “EX” miss even a single support payment and he’ll have EVERY branch of government coming down on him like a ton of bricks.

Now, I for one DO NOT excuse myself from my financial obligations and NEITHER do I excuse a woman from being a lover to her husband.

I know…that makes me bad…I guess I’m a bona-fide sex-addict too because not even once-a-week sex is acceptable to me. And, it shouldn’t be acceptable to you either.

Especially when you realize that there are skills a man can learn that CAUSES his woman to WANT frequent sex with him.

The issue with Jackie in the story above was NOT that she was non-sexual or needing “bonding” time with the baby. The issue was that she needed Joe to learn how to lead both her and him into the relationship that worked for both of them.

Here’s the deal… When people first get married, they’re excited, interested, and curious…and those emotions naturally drive them to do the right things. But, as the cares and concerns of life begin to kick in with full force AND the excitement, interest, and curiousness begin to wear off…THEN, things no longer work “naturally”.

It’s at this point that a man better get to learning how to lead both he and his wife into a happy and marriage. If he doesn’t, both he and she ARE going to suffer increasingly severe dissatisfaction and unhappiness – until one or the other gives up and leaves OR he learns the right “skills”.

Myself, I decided to learn the right “skills” and my wife and I have enjoyed a lot of happiness AND a lot of sex ever since.

And, I’ve been teaching men from all over the world how to get the same in their marriage.

I guess you could say I’ve become a “men’s-libber”.

I’m “liberating” men so that they can have the happy, sexual marriage they desire.

Calle Zorro helps men create happier, more sexual marriage relationships. To learn more about him, go to www.MarriedAndHappy.com Other websites include: www.NymphomaniacWife.com www.MoreSexForMen.com www.DoThisGetSex.com www.InitiateIntimacy.com www.WifeSeducer.com

365 Nights Of Sex. Can It Strengthen A Marriage?

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By Suzanne Wright

If you decided to have sex every day, would your relationship benefit?

 

Two long-married couples decided to find out. When lovemaking fell off their respective “to-do” lists, they ditched the sweats, bought sex toys and books, stepped up exercise, lit candles, and took trips. Then they chronicled their “sexperiment” in two books, Just Do It: How One Couple Turned Off the TV and Turned On Their Sex Lives for 101 Days (No Excuses!) by Doug Brown and 365 Nights: A Memoir of Intimacy by Charla Muller with Betsy Thorpe

 

But will daily sex really help a relationship that’s hit a rough patch? Some experts say yes; others aren’t so sure. As for the two couples who tried it, the Browns and the Mullers, both say the experiment strengthened their marriages in — and out — of the bedroom.

 

Charla Muller had been married for eight years to her husband, Brad, when she embarked on what she calls “the year of the gift” as a way to celebrate her husband’s 40th birthday Rather than fixing anything wrong in her marriage, she writes that frequent sex made her happier, less angry, and less stressed.

 

Doug Brown’s wife, Annie Brown, initiated the offer of daily sex after hearing about sexless marriages on Oprah. He had a similar revelation after they started having daily sex. A feature writer for The Denver Post, Brown writes of releasing “an avalanche of flesh pleasures upon our relationship.”

 

“There’s a special sense of being desired that only comes from sex,” he tells WebMD. “You can be good at your job or at sports, but the daily confirmation you get through sex is a super feeling.”

 

(Is this something you’d ever try? Why or why not? Talk with others on WebMD’s Sexuality: Friends Talking message board.)

 

Reversing the Downward Sex Spiral

 

According to the National Opinion Research Center, the average American couple reports having sex 66 times a year. Newsweek has noted that 15% to 20% of couples have sex less than 10 times a year, which is defined as a “sexless” marriage.

 

Familiarity, advancing age, work pressures, the challenges of raising a family, and household responsibilities all conspire against regular sex among many otherwise loving couples who feel too harried to get physical.

 

When Doug Brown and his wife began their experiment in 2006, they were juggling two kids and two jobs. Married for 14 years, they averaged sex three times a month. And he admits he had performance anxiety.

 

“I felt I had to be a porn star or an Olympic gold medalist. That melted away with [daily] sex. We learned so much about each other. Sex became much more playful and that translated into a more playful union. We regained an electricity that wasn’t always there before.”

 

 

 

They also lost their inhibitions and embarrassment about the subject and gained confidence. “Now we can talk about anything.”

 

The Mullers had a similar experience.

 

“I didn’t realize how much not being [regularly] intimate stressed our relationship,” Charla Muller tells WebMD. “I was a bit of a dodger, because I felt pressure to make it fabulous, because who knows when it will come around again? Now I’m not willing to give it up again.”

 

She says an unexpected benefit of daily sex was the kindness it required of the couple.

 

“I wasn’t expecting that. I thought we would only have to be really nice after hours. But we both had to bring our best game to the marriage every day. That was an important part of what went on behind closed doors.”

 

The Science of Frequent Sex

 

Helen Fisher, PhD, a research professor and member of the Center for Human Evolutionary Studies in the department of anthropology at Rutgers University, says couples trigger sex drive, romance, and attachment — along with their attendant hormones, testosterone, dopamine, and oxytocin — with regular sexual activity.

 

Fisher is an advocate of frequent sex.

 

She says that in some hunting and gathering societies, such as the Kung bushmen in the southern Kalahari, couples often make love every day for relaxation. Unlike our time-pressed culture, there is more leisure time.

 

“Sex is designed to make you feel good for a reason,” says Fisher. “With someone you love, I recommend it for many reasons: It’s good for your health and good for your relationship. It’s good for respiration, muscles, and bladder control. It’s a fine antidepressant, and it can renew your energy.”

 

Andrea M. Macari, PhD, a clinical psychologist who specializes in sex therapy in Great Neck, N.Y., says the theories presented in the two books reflect sex therapy literature.

 

“Regular sex actually increases sexual desire in the couple,” she tells WebMD. “In other words, the more you ‘do it,’ the more the individuals will seek it. You develop a desire that wasn’t normally there. The act itself is reinforcing.”

 

But she points out that sex doesn’t have to be “mind-blowing.”

 

“I encourage couples to have ‘good enough’ sex. This sets realistic expectations and often lowers anxiety. Sex is like pizza: even when it’s bad, it’s usually still pretty good. On a scale from one to 10, good-enough sex is between 5 and 7.”

 

Doug Brown admits that he and his wife were tired on many nights. But, he says, “Once we started, we got in the mood. We were never sorry we did it.”

Click HERE to read more.

I Only Want To Have Sex To Procreate…Is There Something Wrong With Me?

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VIDEO: What is normal when it comes to sex? Would you consider the frequency that you want “it” or the way that you want to have “it” normal? In this video we endeavor to explain “what is normal” as we answer the question of a 27 year old viewer who ONLY wants to have sex to procreate. We encourage him to make it a priority to get into some counseling so that he can begin to explore the roots of his only focusing on the utility of sex versus the pleasure. Was he raised with certain strong philosophical or religious convictions about sex? Did some sort of sexual trauma occur early on in his life? Only he can get the answers that he needs. And, we salute him for being in a place where he is ready to begin working to get the answer. This is exactly the kind of self work that one should be doing before marriage if at all possible. We must not be afraid to discover the depths of who we are or where we’ve been. There is healing in the journey.

7 Ways To SAY NO When Your Man Wants To Enter The “Back Door”

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From YourTango.com

According to [the Frisky blogger] Amelia, anal sex is one of the things men love that women just don’t understand. Well, guys love the booty and they love doin’ the butt even more than chicken wings, gadgets, and boobies combined! While Dr. V [of the Frisky] has been teaching all of us how to have anal sex, not everyone is down for that kind of lesson.

Now I don’t want to seem uptight, I know it’s perfectly safe and, in some cases, really effective. But personally, I’ve already been schooled in anal and although I flunked the final exam, I refuse to retake the class again, if you know what I mean.  So, here’s how I’ve gotten out of doing that kind of homework over the years with my 7 Excuses To Get Out Of Anal Sex:

1. Birth Defect: This one is my infallible favorite.  How’s he going to question a medical problem in your tush? Most guys won’t ask for all the gory details because it sounds like a whole mess of TMI. Although, if you’re dating a doctor, you may want to go with #’s 2-7 (especially #6).

2. Indian Or Mexican Food: “Sorry baby, I ate some Vepam-Poo Rasam for lunch.” Poo is friggin’ in the name—nuff said!

3. Backed Up: Okay, so I know [the Frisky blogger] Wendy told us to never tell a dude you’re constipated, but desperate times call for desperate measures! It should get you out of stuffing more back there.

4. Is It Your Birthday?: Reserving anal as a special once a year experience can make it more exciting… Okay, and it really helps you avoid it the other 364 days a year.  We all get to do what we want on our birthdays, so that feels like a natural time to let him go crazy on your caboose. And hey, when your birthday rolls around, maybe you can return the favor.

CLICK HERE to read more.

6 Ways You Can Be Intentional About Romancing Your Woman

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By Team BLAM

Here are some romance items you should have available at all times to help you to be spontaneous and romantic. Do you want to romance her, spark her libido and ignite her passion? Then here are some romantic ideas and some romance supplies you should have:

Romantic Candles. Get the kind of candles that come in their own glass jar with a lid. They are safer than the tall candles, won’t spill wax all over the place and when you put the lid on they go out without filling the room with smoke. Choose scented candles with mild scents like vanilla or melon – or your wife’s favorite scent. Here’s a romantic idea: light them all around the living room – at night, get a relaxing drink and just sit on the couch and talk with her – run your fingers through her hair as you talk – and don’t “expect” any action – if you remove the pressure, she will relax and come after you!

Romantic “I love you” Cards. Get about 15 different “thinking of you” and “I love you” greeting cards. Then – over the course of a few months, whenever you have the idea of leaving one in her purse or car or mailing one to her work, you can do it before you forget. Just write a short personal note in each when you send it. Here’s a romantic idea: send her a card a day for a week and then personally bring flowers to her at work at the end of the week as a romantic surprise. She’ll love it!

Romantic Bubble Bath. Get scented bubble bath for your wife – but don’t give it to her – yet. The cucumber and melon scents are really relaxing. Romantic idea: make her a bath, use the romantic bubble bath and put some romantic candles (above) around the tub. Then just leave and let her enjoy some peace (unless she asks you to join her). She’ll melt with relaxation.

Romance Incense. Incense can really make your home smell nice and create a relaxing atmosphere. Some incense in really powerful – I personally don’t like those. I get the Angelic Series from Shoyeido Corporation – they are really mild and romantic scents. My wife loves them – and the gift box set from the last series has lasted us over 3 years now.

A Blanket can be Romantic. Keep a blanket in your trunk. That way, you can do spontaneous romantic excursions like stopping, laying on the blanket and looking at the stars on a clear night or just enjoy relaxing under a tree on a warm day.

Your Romantic Cell Phone. Yes – your cell phone can be romantic – just call her out of the blue just to say hi and “I love you.” Romance idea: send her loving text messages at random times in the week.

Try to do something small two or three times a week for her – such as a card or note or a call or e-mail. Try to do something medium for her at least once a week – such as bring home flowers or make a nice dinner. And try to do something big for her at least once a month – such as a full evening without kids that includes a nice dinner, a bath and a massage – all truly from your heart with no obligations attached. Mix it up – make nothing routine.

Every once in a while, go a week or two without doing anything romantic….Then start romancing her again. She’ll appreciate it more that way – it won’t be the same ol’ thing.

4 Lessons You Can Learn From A Porn Star

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By Carmelia Ray

As it happens, you can learn a lot from the world’s most unlikely role models.

When it comes to dating, matchmaking and attraction, one key area of compatibility is sexual attitudes, and having similar sexual desires and libido. It seems that porn stars have figured out the secret to matching sexualdesires. There are assumptions made about porn stars being avid drug users, having poor self-image and low self-esteem. On the contrary, a recent study proves otherwise.

Research published in the latest edition of the Journal of Sex Research suggests that “porn stars have higher self-esteem, a better quality of life and body image and are more spiritual than their non-adult entertainment counterparts.” Let’s learn some lessons from porn stars, in order to take our bedroom behavior to new heights.

Lesson #1: Be willing to try anything. If there’s a common denominator when it comes to porn, it’s that almost anything goes. In other words, you can expect to see a lot of sex enjoyed in a variety of positions and places and penetration happening in every possible orifice.

Sometimes there is loads of foreplay. Other times, it’s wham bam! So, whatever you are in the mood for, the tip to remember is to be open-minded and have the attitude of exploration and experimentation … that is, as long as you’re with a partner you trust. When you adopt that “anything goes” attitude, you create an increased level of excitement, especially when you introduce positions, places and sex toys that are new to your typical routine.

Lesson #2: Dirty talk works wonders. What makes porn hot is that the porn stars vocalize their appreciation and enjoyment of every activity taking place. They describe each action and each body part. Using descriptive vocabulary is a huge turn-on and will heighten the experience as you enjoy the moments.

Lesson #3: Show and tell. Porn stars seem to know exactly what to say and how to say it. If they want something done right, they’ll show you how to please them. Whatever it is that they want or need to make the experience more pleasurable is what they will openly communicate. This is a great lesson to learn when your partner is just learning how to please you. Don’t be shy to guide them or play a little “show and tell” so everyone is happy.

CLICK HERE to read more.

Scheduled Sex Can Still Be Romantic Sex

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By Cynthia Price

It may not be spontaneous, but it’s still fun! Try these four techniques to keep it spicy.

In this modern, busy world of conflicting schedules, extra work hours and other responsibilities, it seems that sex often has to take a backseat to the ebb and flow of daily life. And just like all the other important things in your life, sometimes you have to put it on your schedule to make sure it gets done.

While it may not seem very romantic to schedule lovemaking, it’s even less romantic to leave it to chance or miss out on it altogether. Luckily, there are ways to incorporate sex into your schedule without stripping it of all the romance.

1. Set aside a date night. Most couples can find at least one night a week when they can both make some free time. If you have kids, send them to Grandma’s and get your guy to commit to saving that night for you every week.

Plan some fun and unique activities and top the night off with some bedroom gymnastics. He’s likely to agree.

There is bound to be a conflict from time to time, so let him have his outing with the guys, as long as you get a rain check for something even better, like a romantic weekend getaway to a quaint little B&B.

2. Be spontaneous. Guys can be a little ornery when they’re exhausted, so you might not always have much luck with the direct approach when the opportunity seems to present itself.  But once he’s aroused, he is almost always willing to finish the job. Don’t be scared to be a little devious and an irresistible seductress.  Sit by him and snuggle. A few neck kisses, a well-placed hand and maybe even a click over to Cinemax After Dark might get his juices flowing.  You will have no trouble telling when the seduction process is complete, so just unbutton his shirt and throw yours over your shoulder as you walk to the bedroom. He will never know it was on your schedule all week.

3. Afternoon delight.

CLICK HERE to read more.

Are You “Open” To An Open Relationship?

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By Melissa Fritchle

As polyamory and open relationships become more visible, more people are wondering, “Is there a way I can be honest with my partner about my desires? How can I even start this conversation? What will help us to be successful if we try this?”  Here are some tips from my years of working with couples as they explore whether an open relationship is right for them. This article will focus on getting clarity for yourself before you even approach your partner.

1. First, do not start an affair. I cannot stress this enough. It is true for many people that the first time they begin to consider open relationships are when they have met an appealing new potential partner. While a new person may allow you to realize that you canlove more than one person at a time, if you are seriously considering an open relationship with your current partner, the first requirement will be to treat them with respect and the relationship with integrity.

Open relationships are not a free for all or permission for cheating; lies are still lies. You will not be able to effectively change the rules of your relationship to allow for more openness and the trust that this requires when you are healing the wounds of an affair.

2. Be honest with yourself about what you want from your current relationship.Are you considering new partners because you are bored or unhappy with your current relationship? Are your reasons for wanting to stay with your current partner primarily practical, i.e. it would be inconvenient to divorce or separate? Can you identify things about your current partner that you love and really value about them? Are you happy being with them for who they are?

CLICK HERE to read more.