The 6 Don’ts Of Online Dating For Men

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By Jack Conway

I’m going to tell you about the Six Don’ts of Internet dating.

These are things you should never do when it comes to picking up women online, regardless of how much coffee you drank.

1- When conversing through e-mail, don’t write your life story

Nothing turns off a woman more than a man who can’t shut up. If you don’t believe me, the next time you’re corresponding with a woman you’ve met online, write a one-page e-mail about what you like to do on weekends, and see what kind of response you get. Nine times out of 10, a woman won’t even reply to you. She’ll simply delete your e-mail and move on to the next guy. Why is that?

First, women usually perceive a long-winded man as needy. And most women want a challenge. Needy men aren’t challenging. Second, quite frankly, women want to do all of the talking. And they want you to listen.

What to do: Keep all your e-mail replies short (i.e. no longer than three sentences). The first two sentences should be used for answering a question (or questions) she may have asked, and the last sentence should be reserved for asking her a question. Remember: Questions keep the ‘dialogue’ moving, and give her the sense that you are thoughtful and interested.

2- Don’t initiate sexual talk

Many women think men have nothing but sex on brain. Though there is some truth to this statement, you’ll get further in the game by not hinting at or talking about sex.

Besides, in this politically correct world, who wants to take the chance of offending women with sex talk, especially if you don’t know them well?

What to do: Just don’t do it. In fact, you’d be surprised by how many women will actually initiate a conversation about sex. When a woman initiates talk about sex, consider that a green light, though I suggest that your comments be very well thought out. Besides, if you’re looking for aggressive sexual dialogue with a woman, there are plenty of ‘adult’ oriented personal sites that cater to that.

3- Don’t lie

It’s a known fact that a significant percentage of men and women lie about themselves, whether it’s about marital status, income, education level or occupation, when it comes to creating an online profile of themselves.

I’m a true believer that the lies will catch up with you — sooner rather than later. And if you find a woman who is really interested in you, and you’ve lied to her, it’s just a matter of time before she finds out the truth.

What to do: If you think your income is too low, or if your occupation isn’t exactly exciting, simply ‘up-sell’ other qualities about yourself. Focus on the good instead. Never lie to impress a woman. Ever.

4- Don’t send too many e-mail or IM messages

Again, you don’t want to appear needy.

One way to appear needy is by sending a woman three or four e-mail or IM messages a day.

Of course, if the e-mail or IM conversation is moving along at breakneck speed and is interesting and stimulating, then by all means, have a full-fledged dialogue with her. In other words, don’t hold back. You may even try to close the deal right there and ask her out on a date.

But if you’re in the early stages where you’re still in the process of getting to know each other, then I suggest keeping your interactions to a minimum.

What to do: I know it’s difficult, especially if the woman is hot, but you have to be disciplined. Limit yourself to two e-mails per day, and keep streaming IM conversations to no longer than 15 minutes. If the dialogue exceeds this time, then excuse yourself and end the conversation, saying that you have some things to take care of — and don’t go into detail about it.

By doing this, you’ll remain mysterious, something that turns most women on.

5- Don’t spread yourself too thin

One of the better problems to have with Internet dating is corresponding with too many women.

Yeah, I know exactly what you’re thinking: What man doesn’t want to be chased by dozens of beautiful women? But truth be told, having an effective personal ad that generates a lot of responses can backfire on you if you’re not careful.

For instance, in the past month, I’ve received 56 responses to my personal ad. That’s a ton of women to e-mail. In fact, it’s too many. Way too many.

If you try to reply to every single woman who responds to your ad, you’ll soon find yourself spending your days writing e-mail. More importantly, you’ll start forgetting what you’ve said and to whom.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been embarrassed because I asked a woman the same question four or five times.

What to do: Though I encourage you to be polite, you may find yourself physically unable to reply to every woman who has responded to your ad. In fact, I recommend that you don’t reply to every woman who responds to your personal ad.

Instead, if you’re getting dozens of responses each week, only reply to the women you wish to pursue further. Furthermore, if these leads don’t work out for you, then you can always go back to the other women you didn’t reply to originally.

6- Don’t appear too eager to go on a date

Unless a woman immediately asks to meet you (and some will), a rule of thumb about asking a woman for a date is to wait at least a week after the initial contact before asking her out.

If you ask her out too soon, when she’s not ready and comfortable, she’ll disappear.

If you wait, one of the things that will go through her mind is, why isn’t this guy asking me out?

When that happens, you’ll instantly become more attractive to her.

What to do: Let her make the first move. If she’s the kind of woman who wants to be pursued, she might be a high maintenance princess, and that’s the last thing you want to deal with.

Play it safe, play it cool

Now, we’re all a bunch of macho men, but you can never be too safe. The last thing you want is to be involved in a real-life fatal attraction.

So in addition to these six ‘don’ts,’ I also advise against handing out your telephone number or your address. Take your time to get to know the woman before revealing your personal information.

 

5 Reasons Being A Single Man Sucks

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By Damon Young

While most will probably remember 2012 as the “Year Of The YOLO” (and by “most” I mean “like seven people“), it holds special significance for me because it’ll likely be the first year since 2002 where I spent the entire year single. I haven’t completed a full calender year yet — May will make it seven months since the former Lady Champ and I decided to go our separate ways — but because I seem to enjoy doing random anthropological experiments on myself for absolutely no reason (and because I’m an INTJ and INTJs apparently suck at relationships), I’m confident that I’ll make it to 2013 without having to change my Facebook relationship status again.

Anyway, if I could sum up my seven months of singledom in one word, it would most likely be “interesting.” I’ve met some “interesting” people, done some “interesting” things, made some “interesting” decisions, and, most importantly, thought some “interesting” thoughts. The most “interesting” of these “interesting” thoughts? Being a single man is kind of overrated.

Now, as I stated on the day where I wrote about orgasms, “overrated” doesn’t mean “bad.” In fact, as the careers of Tupac and Derrick Rose continue to prove, something can be very, very good — even great — and still be overrated. I’ve enjoyed being single, and will likely continue to enjoy it. But, while it seems like many assume that being a single man (a single Black man, at that) is nothing but an utopic stream of easy popsicles, cold pancakes, and syrupy p*ssy, there are a few downsides.

1. It can be very lonely

As a person who wanted to be single, is a natural introvert, and generally enjoys doing things by himself, I’m surprised by how, for lack of a better term, “noticeable” the solitude and loneliness of singledom can be. Even when seeing multiple people and/or having tons of friends, being single means that you are…single, by yourself, and there may be times when you want to have someone around but there will be no one that you want to be around readily available to be around.

Then, to add insult to injury, if you’re an angsty motherf*cker like me, you’ll start thinking things like “Wait. I’m a single man. A single Black man. My dad named me after Dolemite. Shaka Zulu is my second cousin. People who’ve never even met me call me “Champ” for chrissakes. Why the f*ck do I feel lonely right now?” which’ll make it even worse.

2. You have to wear condoms. And, wearing condoms sucks

If you’re one of the 137 people left on Earth who always has protected sex — even if in a long-term, monogamous relationship — just skip this section and move on to #3. Also, I’ve left a plate of gotdamn sugar cookies at the end of this post as a reward for your duty. Please eat them with a gotdamn smile.

If you’re not one of these people, you should be able to relate to how frustrating it’s been to go from condom-less sex to having to worry about having gotdamn condoms all the damn time. And, even if you’re not actively having sex, “Do I have condoms?” and “Since I don’t have condoms, is there somewhere close where I can buy them?” always has to be on your mind.

Also, from a logistical perspective, they’re a hassle to put on, they smell like a pack of slutty balloons, and “sex with condoms” will always be the Mike Conley of coitus.

There is always the alternative — just don’t wear condoms while single, either — but I think one Cromartie per generation is enough.

(Btw, is it just me, or has the price of condoms spiked dramatically in the past four years? I was last single in 2008, and I don’t remember a box of condoms costing as much as it does to fill a gas tank. Does this qualify as a “first world problem?” If a Black blogger bitches about condoms in the woods, would Kanye’s missing draws make a sound?) 

As much as condoms suck, they don’t suck as much as…

3. Having to participate in the dating game

In a paradox so annoying that I almost didn’t mention it today because I plan on spending an entire day on this sole topic soon, I love meeting new, interesting women but I hate the process that usually goes along with meeting new, interesting women.

I understand (and appreciate) the purpose of the process, but knowing why it’s necessary doesn’t mean that you have to enjoy it.

4. The superficial romantic connections synonymous with singledom gets old

Ironically, the best thing about being a single man — possessing the ability to have myriad short, commitment-free relationships AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!!! — ends up being one of the worst after enough time has passed.

This actually hasn’t happened to me yet. I guess I’m still in the single honeymoon phrase. But, I’m certain it will, and the thought of this happening is already depressing me.

Actually, this entire list is getting depressing. ***Making note to self to make sure tomorrow’s post is about the playoffs or strippers or something***

CLICK HERE to read more.


The Journey Of Us: How Ayize & Aiyana First Met & Started “Seeing” Each Other

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First, I love y’all and your website and what you’re doing.  You are living the hope we all have.

You may have discussed this…but how did y’all meet?  What was your relationship process/path like?  Who pursued who?  When did you “know” that you had met “the one” you were going to spend your life with?

Thank you so much Ayize & Aiyana; thank you for allowing God to use you!  May God continue to bless you, your family, your union.

Are You A Flirt: 10 Signals That Say You’re Interested

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By: Sundaresh Shivaswami

Not only are there specific signs of flirtatious behavior in men and women, there are actually five stages of flirting.

The ten signs of flirting below are part of the nonverbal communication or body language that men and women often send each other.

Some experts say 90% of communication is nonverbal. We send nonverbal messages through body language and flirting to attract people of the opposite sex for a romantic dalliance…or to communicate that we’re not interested. Flirting isn’t all about sexual innuendo and attracting possible mates: babies flirt with their parents to ensure survival and people in the service industry flirt with their customers.

Reading body language is an important way to communicate with others and pick up on their unspoken signals. Whether you’ve spotted an attractive stranger across the room, are on a first date, or have been married for decades, these signs of flirting will help you decipher nonverbal body language and cues. These flirting signals are common, and often unconscious.

10 Signs of Flirting in Men and Women

Flirting is all about sending messages or nonverbal communication.

  1. Raised eyebrows. Research shows that when a potential mate appears, people raise their eyebrows slightly. This sign of flirting can be an unconscious sign of interest on the flirter’s part.
  2. Eye contact. You know she’s interested when she not only makes eye contact, but holds it for a significant amount of time. If you’re across the room from one another, regular brief instances of eye contact may be strong signs of flirting.
  3. Hair flick. Women will flick their hair – you see this in movies all the time. Even women with really short hair can flick their hair. Remember Cameron Diaz in the first Charlie’s Angels movie? Total hair flick after she met the bartender – and her hair was almost as short as his!
  4. Playing with accessories. This signal from the opposite sex involves playing with earrings, twirling hair, and fiddling with necklaces. Men may offer similar signs of flirting: playing with their neckties or jingling the change in their pocket.
  5. Leaning in. If he leans close to you, he’s giving you a nonverbal message that he wants to be closer (this may seem to be an obvious sign of flirting, but it’s often misread).
  6. Open body language. This is a significant sign of flirting for both men and women. The opposite of open body language (closed body language, which is easier to describe) is turning away, crossing arms or legs, or pulling back.
  7. Sideways glances. You’ve seen the demure sideways glances – and perhaps you’ve even thrown a few. When you’re attracted to someone, it can be difficult to meet their eyes. Sideways glances are a strong sign of flirting.
  8. Looking at lips or body parts. When you find yourself looking at his lips or jaw, you may be sending a flirting signal. This may be an unconscious sign of flirting – when you’re attracted to someone, you can’t help but to check out their assets!
  9. Laughter. You laugh at their jokes, no matter how silly or unfunny. This sign of flirting isn’t all about attracting mates. Laughter can endear you to your boss or babysitter, which may make them acquiesce to your requests.
  10. Light touches. This is a fairly obvious sign of flirting. Lightly touching someone’s arm, knee or shoulder shows interest. It’s a nonverbal signal that you’re open and friendly.

A lot of people feel flirting is part of the universal language of how we communicate, especially nonverbally,” says Dr Jeffry Simpson of the University of Minnesota. “With a lot of it, especially the nonverbal stuff, people may not be fully aware that they’re doing it. People may emit flirtatious cues and not be fully aware of how powerful they are.”

Don’t Give Up On Love: 8 Tips For Dating After 40

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By Bobbi Palmer

As a dating and relationship coach for women over 40, and a happily married gal who became a first-time bride at age 47, I know that meeting men in your 40s or 50s is nowhere near as easy as when you were 25.

I also know that relationships formed in your 40s, 50 and beyond are far more fulfilling that any you had in your earlier years. To find these great relationships you have to be a different dater than you were in your earlier years.

Here are 8 bits of advice that will set you up for successful “grownup” dating and ultimately lead you to that man who will be your loving partner in the second part of your life.

8 Tips for Dating After 40

1.  Know and love yourself. When was the last time you looked at yourself without the lens of your wounded 18 year old, your ex’s judgments or the nonsense the media feeds you? Take 20 minutes today and allow yourself to think about what makes you fantastic. Give yourself permission to brag. I bet you find quite a lovely woman hiding behind all the muck others have been feeding you.

2.  Know what you want. Who is the person and what is the relationship that will make you happy as the woman you are today? If you are looking for a meaningful and lasting relationship, dump that list of superficial adjectives he “must” possess and the descriptions of activities you want to share. Instead, dig deeper. Consider how you want to feel when you are with him. This is what really matters when you want to spend the rest of your life with someone.

3.  Accept that the responsibility is yours. You are a mature woman who most likely steers your own ship in all other areas of your life.That blame-the-men thing is old and no longer serves you. Start making good decisions and taking care of yourself by using your ability to weigh options, make complex decisions and exercise your assertiveness. You probably do this every day with your career, your family, even with the dry cleaner; dealing with single men should be no exception.

4.  Live in the real world. Those 50 years old you’re dating probably won’t have a full head of hair, a great six-pack and no baggage. It’s time to live in the real world – not the one you created when you were 18.

5. Take it slow. The boomer set tends to discard potential mates quite quickly. After all, we are so dang smart and intuitive, aren’t we? We figure our vast life experience prepares us to judge whether someone is a potential mate; often within the first ten minutes of meeting. Actually, the opposite is true. You are meeting adult men who, like you, are multifaceted, have some old “stuff” to dig through and have probably had lives full of twists and turns. This is exactly the reason you should approach getting to know someone slowly… layer by layer.

CLICK HERE to read more.

No Number And No Address–Am I Being Played? Uh…Yeah.

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VIDEO: We’ve all heard the saying “Where there’s smoke…there’s fire”. In other words when there is obvious evidence of a fire, a mess, or some BS, then 9 times out of 10 there IS a fire, some mess, or some BS going on. Here, we answer an Asian woman who’s written in asking us whether or not she is being played by her “man”. He’s African-American and she says in her letter she’s asking us because he’s black therefore we should know. That makes sense right? No!!!! This is not a “black man” issue. This is an issue where this brother has a crisis of character meaning he’s lacking greatly in that department AND this is an issue of poor poor judgement on this young lady’s part. She talks about how ready she is to be in a committed relationship and spend the rest of her life with someone. She also talks about how “her man” hasn’t given her his address or phone number which makes her wonder if his love is really true. What?!  STOP. THIS IS AN ALERT. PLEASE PAY ATTENTION. IF YOU ARE DATING SOMEONE OR IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE AND THEY WILL NOT GIVE YOU THEIR DIRECT CONTACT NUMBER AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THEY LIVE——THEY GOT GAME!!!! Contact information is a basic requirement….it just is.

Do you want to take your love life to the NEXT LEVEL?

CLICK HERE for INDIVIDUAL or COUPLES COACHING (phone, skype, or in person)

CLICK HERE for a RELATIONSHIP ASSESSMENT

You May Be In Love If…..

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By Jan Michaels

One of the most common human experiences that two or more (depending on how ambitious you are) people can share is love. But, it’s not always easy to tell if you are in “like”, “lust” or full blown, forever loving. With that in mind, I’ve created this list of signs that you may be crazy in love!

1. If you’ve ever stared deeply into the eyes of your significant other for more than 10 seconds without cracking up hysterically … you may be in love.

2. If every person in your life tells you that she/he’s no good and you’re mailman, pharmacist and local news station agrees, yet you think they are “just jealous” … you may be in love.

3. Guys: if you’ve taken the pictures of the other women in you’re life off the walls, like the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition posters, Playmate of the month calendar, Monster Truck Rally 2005 … you may be in love.

4. Ladies: men can produce excessive amounts of eye watering, nose burning noxious odor from almost any food or drink, and then aren’t above sharing it with others, especially at night. Knowing all this, and you STILL want to sleep in the same bed with him … you may be in love.

5. If your significant other asks you how they look in their new retro polyester lime green outfit and you say they look hot … you may be in love…. or you have a really strong self preservation instinct.

6. Guys: if you’ve ever given up washing and waxing that new car you just bought to watch “Sleepless in Seattle” with you’re girlfriend/wife for the 20th time … you may be in love.

7. If you always remember every anniversary and birthday of your partner, and you’re not female … you may be in love.

8. If you think the underwear and socks you get for your birthday and Christmas every year is a pleasant surprise … you may be in love.

9. If you thought the Sears Tool Set and rolling cabinet you got for your birthday was great idea, and you’re not male … you may be in love.

10. If you are taken to Burger King for a romantic dinner, and that doesn’t bother you … you may be in love.

11. If you notice your local florist starts arriving at work in a limo since you became a customer … you may be in love

12. If hearing “Honey, wheres my clean underwear?” brings tears of joy to your eyes … you may be in love

But the easiest way to tell if you are in love is this: If there is no one on this planet that you would rather spend everyday of your life with than the one you are with … then you ARE in love!

Jan Michaels is a self-described relationship expert (why is his girlfriend laughing?) that is truly in love. When not writing amusing articles, he doesn’t do much of anything really important, unless feeding the cat counts.  

 

5 Mistakes Women Make That Ruin Dating Relationships

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By Jenny

Many relationships break for what can only be called flimsy reasons. Problem is what started out as something small can grow into a raging tornado that rapidly consumes an otherwise perfect relationship. There are mistakes that women make over and over eventually getting frustrated on why they cannot seem to hold down a stable relationship. Here are some of them:

  • Banking the relationship on his ‘potential’ – The initial attraction between two people can be so powerful that it blinds both persons to obvious flaws in the other person. This is normal because no one is perfect. However, women have (correctly or otherwise) earned a reputation for trying to change their men. Many women will continue holding on to guys long after their man has been treating them as a doormat in the dating phase. It is only a matter of time before such a relationship collapses.
  • Women assuming they understand men – Research has consistently shown stark differences between how men and how women think. One of the biggest mistakes a woman can make is to assume that the man should think just like her or that he knows what she is thinking.
  • Being someone else in order to keep him – This may sound cliché but most men are attracted to a woman that is comfortable with who she is. There is nothing wrong in sprucing yourself up to spice things in the bedroom. But being yourself is an even more powerful and longer-lasting aphrodisiac.

CLICK HERE to read more.

10 Dating Tips For The Shy Woman

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By Terry MacDonald

Dating can be an absolute nightmare for shy people. You want to meet the right person, but you’re too scared to do anything about it.

Introductions—sticking out one’s hand and looking another person in the eye—can be terrifying for the shy woman. The brain locks up as you scramble to think of something relevant to say. You fall apart as soon as you’re asked what you do for a living. You stammer. The heat rises in your face and under your arms. You’re suddenly incapable of forming a grammatical sentence. You think to yourself, “Why would anyone care about me? I’m really not that interesting!”

Fear not. Many shy people have succeeded in meeting new people and forming lasting, happy relationships. With a little practice, you can too. Here are some tips for taming your social terror.

1. Prepare a pitch. The question, “So, Sandi, what do you do for a living?” is bound to come up, so have a ready answer. No need to brag about capturing the company Tidy Break room Award; just state clearly what you do for a living and don’t apologize for it!

2. Ask questions. People love to talk about themselves (okay, except for people like you), so ask questions. Come up with a list before you leave the house, i.e., How did you get into that line of work? Where did you go to school? Have you seen the new Steve Harvey movie? And so on.

3. When you fumble, turn the subject to the other person. Whenever you find yourself longing to throw a blanket over your head and crawl off, try saying something like “And what about you?”

4. Listen to what the other person is saying! This is important. Instead of fretting about what you’ll say next, still the wheels of your mind and listen. If a man tells you about his weekend on the golf course, and you know absolutely nothing about golf, just ask him what he likes about it, how he got into it, etc.

5. Smile. People respond well to people who smile. No need to grin like an idiot, but a disarming smile will get ‘em every time. Smiling conveys friendliness and approachability. Show teeth whenever possible. Avoid looking like a figure at a wax museum by practicing in a mirror before you leave the house.

6. Breathe. Whenever you feel your heart racing, breathe deeply and slowly. If you really start to feel uncomfortable (your face has become so hot you could use it for a wok), excuse yourself and go to the restroom.

7. Compliment the other person. Sincerity is key, so find something you like and mention it. You may be freaked out by the idea of complimenting a man on his soulful eyes, so mention his watch, suit, tie, or even his shoes. No need to go overboard: “Nice shoes,” will do it.

8. Stay on top of current events. You don’t necessarily want to bring up your stand on Obama v. Romney during a first meeting, but be able to discuss less controversial issues intelligently.

9. Remember the weather! Some people have the “gift of gab,” the ability to make strangers feel like they’ve known them forever. They are fearless about talking about the weather, gas prices, whatever. Shy people worry that talking about mundane things will make them appear stupid. But seemingly dull subjects like the weather affect everybody. People relate to them.

10. Hold your head up. It’s the simplest, most effective way to look confident. Good posture, coupled with that fabulous smile of yours, gives you a “winner’s vibe.” You’re guaranteed to be a hit!

Be warned: These tips will not help you if you don’t leave the house. It’s just too easy to watch a Friends rerun for the umpteenth time instead of meeting people, but I promise you that Prince Charming is never going to climb through your bedroom window.

Talking to strangers can be uncomfortable, but with practice it will surely get easier. If you have a bad night, congratulate yourself for making the effort. When you have a good night, understand that you earned it. Know that countless wonderful nights are on their way to you.

Terry MacDonald is the author of How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams (Even if You’re Not Rich, Thin, or Beatiful). Visit her website at www.marrysmart.com 
terry@marrysmart.com

15 Signs That Say He Will Never Propose

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By Aunt Becky

I get it. You’re ready to walk down the aisle in your puffy white dress and meet Mr. Right at the altar. Then you’ll waltz back down that aisle hand-in-hand and live Happily Ever After. That’s what you’re dreaming of, isn’t it?

But what happens if your would-be Mr. Right doesn’t pop the question? How will you know if that puffy white dress is in your future?

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but there are definite signs he won’t be asking for your hand. Here are a few of the clues your guy will not propose — now, soon, or ever …

1) He shudders when you bring up marriage — anyone’s marriage.

2) He refers to marriage as “death” or “an outdated institution.”

3) Whenever anyone else announces their engagement, he tells them why they shouldn’t get married.

4) He’s up-to-date on ALL the divorce statistics and likes to quote them at random.

5) He says that he’s happily UN-married to anyone who ever asks about wedding bells. When asked about marriage, he responds, “I’m married to my job — what else could I want?”

6) He’s big into traveling for work (see #5).

7) He hangs with other single dudes — a lot of them. Guys who want to get married generally have at least some married friends, it’s true. His friends? Happy bachelors.

8) He’s not interested in having you meet his family. Guys introduce their girlfriends to their families when they’re really serious about them. When they’re not, they don’t.

9) Sure, he talks about his future, but you’re never in those plans.

10) He’s entirely uninterested in YOUR future plans too.

CLICK HERE to read more.