I Was Saddened By The Shortsightedness Of Some Men…But There’s A Lesson To Be Learned Through It All

By Ayize Ma’at

A few weeks ago, in response to a barrage of immature and disrespectful virtual opinions about me….I found myself asking the question…..What the hell is a SIMP?  And without a moments hesitation I received a response from more than one guy saying “You nigga”.  Now before I continue let me give you a little back story.  Exactly 1 year ago….Jan 19th 2011 I posted a video on YouTube titled “Women Today Ain’t Like Women Of Yesterday (check it out below if you haven’t already seen it).  That video was met with a massive applause by many women because in the video I essentially expressed that men don’t really know that women today ain’t like women of yesterday because we really didn’t take the time to get to know them yesterday and we still aren’t taking the time to get to know them today.  Again, many women loved it….some fellas felt it, and a small number abhorred it.  That is until recently at least….lol

A few weeks ago I started receiving a bunch of comments on this video which led me to believe it was either placed on somebody’s website or it was promoted in the virtual environment somewhere which was provoking such an outpouring of responses.  One of those responses came in the form of a 2 minute video of some dude who had recorded himself laughing as he watched my video on his computer.  I was thinking “really dude”.  It’s weird watching someone watch a video of you.   Here are   some of the comments that were made on Women Today Ain’t Like Women Of Yesterday:

– This is one of the WORST simps I have seen on youtube. He is EXACTLY what feminism has done to BM, made them a joke of a man who grovels to women for appeasement. How dare he compare BW of the past to this RANCID generation of thug lovers, mammies, ghetto gaggers & nigga haters!!!

– this nigga is weak a typical “momma made man”

– Mangiiiiina aleeeert!

– We’ll see how long this SIMP empowers women when his REDBONE leaves his ass.

– Dude get you a big ass glass of MAN UP. Nah, you need the 3-liter bottle cause you ain’t got no testosterone in your system.Taking a ride on the SIMP train and about to get his ticket punched.

– Oh I see, you’re one them niggas that thinks The Color Purple movie was a true depiction of black relationships. You are a pussy ass nigga dawg and your wife OBVIOUSLY wears the pants. You’re really trying to argue that men aren’t naturally supposed to lead? Kill yourself, and if you didn’t know your wife is fucking another dude. I promise you.

– captain save a hoe

– Forsaking your manhood and playing second fiddle to a woman just to be able to “smell it”.

– SIMPING at its finest SMH!

When I received all of these comments I was like “Wow!”  I wasn’t really offended, more than anything I was amused and saddened by the short sightedness of the men who made these comments.  There was a compulsion to “get back in the lab” and create something to challenge, inspire, and encourage men to get beyond their “ball size” and the junior high preoccupation with “who has the biggest dick on display”.  There was a compulsion to express to them that their mind and spirit has the capacity to extend far beyond a 12 inch ruler and getting to know women deeper and more completely through effective communication will only increase the value of their relationships and their lives.

So again I went to the lab…and started working on something that will hopefully meet that goal (Due to be released in April).  Until then let’s keep striving yall.  It’s way bigger than me….It’s way bigger than Aiyana….It’s all about the growth and development of healthy family’s and healthy community’s.  We’re going to do our part and we’re challenging you to do yours.  Check out the video below if you haven’t had a chance to and as always remember STOP PLAYING and START PUSHING.

Ayize Ma’at is Co-founder and President of B Intentional, LLC, the Relationship Education company that owns and operates Blackloveandmarriage.com, the premiere cutting edge Marriage and Family web publication with the largest collection of love and marriage advice videos for African Americans. He is a Marriage & Relationship Educator certified in various Singles and Marriage Education curriculums and has a passion for inspiring others to grow and gain a deeper understanding of love. He is a devoted husband and the proud father of 4 amazing children.
20 replies
  1. V.Wil
    V.Wil says:

    Ayize you spoke truth and there are many who do not want truth to be spoken if it means that they have to change their ways. In the history of our government there was a division among the allegiance of our states because some wanted to abolish slavery and others did not want to give up their slaves. The same this is taking place today in our communities because black women are deciding that we want the freedom and liberty given to us by both the constitution and the bible. There are "slave masters" who do not want that liberty and freedom to take place. So no matter what, you will face opposition when you speak on this subject. Just know that we shall not be defeated because the times has come for health, liberty and freedom in our communities. And we will not be stopped, deterred or delayed any longer. As for those who wish to hold on to yesterday, they will come into the light that is growing today or they will drown in the sea of their own ignorance. Keep doing what you do, you and Aiyana!

  2. J. Breed
    J. Breed says:

    I went to youtube and read the comments… all I can say is I would like to meet the women sleeping with these fools. I started to post a comment on youtube but it is obvious that I would have to get real ignut with these dudes. Just know, that level of stupid is shameful and unworthy of a response. Those brothers make men look bad as a whole.

  3. Deatha
    Deatha says:

    Black women knew how to keep it going by saving face for the ake of the family and being happy was not relevant. WHile there may be a percentage of sorry, black women today, the women you see now, are women who found out that they could have a dream and an opinion..at the same time. We dont want to give up our marriages for the dreams and we dont want to be cursed for having an opinion, we should be able to have the dream, the marriage and an opinion..without starting a war

  4. Deatha
    Deatha says:

    I think one of the many key points that he's made is that there are men who assumed that the women of yesterday were happy working all day for other ppl and then work twice as hard when she got home..( men felt their job for the day was completed once they came home from work). Women were the primary caregivers, did the cooking, washed the clothes, assisted with school AND worked outside of the home, all the way maintaining a position that minimized her voice, dreams and desire to grow. Back then black men expected their wives to handle their business at homw WHILE maintaining a job outside of the home….it has always been this way for black women in America). WHite women then had the luzury of exclusively staying home to be "homemakers" and white men liked it that way and racism forced the black women to work to assist her husband in bringing in the money to take care of the family.


  5. Lana Moline
    Lana Moline says:

    It is because of WONDERFUL, POSITIVE brothers such as yourself that everyone (male and female) is encouraged and empowered to strive to reach our best. Know that as you fulfill your purpose, it will be met with opposition only because you are truly making a difference. If, by chance, you are ever discouraged please, please read this comment again and know as I have said before – you have truly touched our lives and your living is not in vain. Your message was well received brother! You know we got love for you!

  6. Stacie
    Stacie says:

    Wow! Sorry to read that! Be encouraged. Can't wait til April!

  7. K.O.
    K.O. says:

    Wut the wut?! This was disappointing to read. It's one thing to disagree, but a whole 'nother to be straight up disrespectful. I'm sure you're already aware that these dudes aren't even on your level. If they knew you and Aiyana, they would realize that ya'll keep it 100 around here. The ignorance is unbelievable. Wonder what their relationships are lookin like?

  8. Myra
    Myra says:

    Wow! The Youtube community CAN be very harsh! And those comments were extremely harsh and personal! Most of them just plain ignorance! Thank you Ayize for all that you do! The community really needs your voice! And thank you to Aiyana as well!

    Prob, deep down something you said triggered something in them that caused anger. And anger is a cover for… hurt, embarrassment, frustration, feelings of inadequacy. Or just plain foolishness 🙁

    My recent post Ladies, You Choose

  9. Jamila
    Jamila says:

    I find that listening to the video, I had too think about my own relationship. It has become more harder to speak, because of what needs to be done. And after talking to a couple of women of yesterday, trust me they didn't take alot either!!! We forget about our past to make our history and I am giving thanks to you for standing up,

  10. Neysa
    Neysa says:

    Ayize, I love your work and your definition of manhood and household leader. Don't worry about the naysayers.

  11. Vick
    Vick says:

    It stung…but it's real talk. Appreciate that vid Bro

  12. Rita
    Rita says:

    I also agree with you that a man and woman should do what is best for their relationship in regards to decision-making. Just yesterday, I proposed a plan to my husband about something that he had not thought about yet, and he was glad to hear what I had to say. He agreed with the plan and it made me feel good that he listened to what I had to say. The "women of yesterday" that some people refer to is pretty much, (in my opinion), a woman with no voice. There's a great feeling in a woman who knows that her man is willing to work hand-in-hand with her in decision-making.

  13. Rita
    Rita says:

    It's because of real men like you who stand up that I am able to do be a better wife to my husband after almost facing divorce recently. I have started cooking more for him, creating an open atmosphere for him to break his protective wall down and lay his feelings on the table, etc., etc. "The women of yesterday" to me is interpreted of a Proverbs 31 woman. If you do not read the Bible, at least check this chapter out. It is exactly the type of woman that women of today need to strive to be. I am saying this phrase by memory, but I was taught in a marriage counseling session that "A wise woman builds her house up, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands." Proverbs 14:1

  14. Amina
    Amina says:

    continue to let your light shine brotha Ma'at. my world is a much brighter place

  15. B.J.
    B.J. says:

    I'm willing to bet you've achieved heights in life that these men are struggling to even comprehend.
    The same lonely, dejected, deprived, unloved, alpha males that go around slanging these comments are the ones trying to get to your position in life.
    Ignore them and keep succeeding; unfortunately they are NOT your audience.

  16. Ptah180
    Ptah180 says:


    I'm not going to use words like "Simping" and "Mangina" because I dont think that's who or what you are, but make no mistake there are SIMPS and MANGINAS out there. Either the man is the leader of his home or he's not, either he has the final word or he doesnt. And no my brother, this current crop of black women, ARE NOT like our mothers, grandmothers and aunts.I meet sisters all the time who BRAG about not being able to cook. I meet black woman who are in love with thugs and lowlifes, I meet sistas all the time who are walking attitudes. I'm not saying that sistas are 100% to blame, but as Sharazad Ali once asked "If we as black women dont claim 50% of the responsiblity for the problems in the black community, what percentage do we claim and how does it manifest?"

    Since the 70s sisters have had the chance to run these homes as they saw fit, we now see the results. Men being the head of the home not only brings balance, it brings order..

    • V.Wil
      V.Wil says:

      But when you talk about men being heads what kind of heads are we talking about? Are we talking about slave masters, dictators, absolute monarchs who want compliance without consideration for how the other members of the family feel or what their needs are, or are we talking about loving Christ-like leaders who listen and take into consideration the needs and desires of his wife and children before making EVERY decision? Are we talking about a leader who comes to steal, kill and destroy everything in a woman except that that caters to his every whim and desire or are we talking about a leader who comes that she might have life and life more abundantly? Whose example of leadership are our men really following, that of our former slave masters or that of our Master Jesus Christ? This is where the disconnect has taken place in both many relationships of yesterday and many of today. This is the difference of which Ayize is speaking of. The slave master is the leader that many black women of today are refusing to submit to. And this is the example that many of them have seen their women of yesterday being lead by. Women are sick of being treated as slaves in a society where slavery was declared illegal decades ago. Christ does not see us(the church whom He loves) as inferior. He sees us as joint heirs. In order for a man to lead like Jesus, he must see his wife as a joint heir, not inferior. That means her value is equal to his and even if her role is not identical to his, it certainly must be equivalent in its value. If our men could understand the true RESPONSIBILITY and DYNAMICS of Christ like leadership, they would find many more women willing to submit to and return that kind of LOVE and RESPECT.

  17. Dee
    Dee says:

    You know what….that's some bull shizzle. It's one thing to disagree but's it's something else to be disrespectful. Whoever those people were that made those comments are soooo not on your level.
    Ayize, keep doing what you do. Not only do you check men but you check women too and I appreciate that. Loved the video

  18. Roland
    Roland says:

    Well said Ayize. Don't trip off them dudes. I got yo back : )

Comments are closed.