Psst! Psst!! Is Your Ex STILL Occupying Space In Your Mind?

By Lana Moline

Psst!  Psst!!  Hey sis I’m talking to you girlfriend.  Well don’t smirk too much brother because I’m talking to you too.  I have a question for both of y’all actually and I want you to be 100% honest with yourself.  Is your ex still occupying space in your mind?

Now before you get mad at me let me remind you that you told me that your husband doesn’t kiss you like “him” or she doesn’t do it for you like “her.”  You put that out there.  I know we can’t erase our experiences but come on.  At what point do we vault it and leave it there?

Yes, “that” weekend was great and yes her mama wanted you to be her son-in-law (and she still calls you that) but it’s over and you both have moved on.  Instead of dwelling in euphoric recall, recognize that you made the decision to end the relationship for a reason that made perfect sense at the time.  It’s unfair for you to second-guess yourself now especially since you have grown, matured and learned from your past.

I hear you when you share that it is hard sometimes and things don’t always click.  I get that but here’s the thing.  Are you stepping up to the plate as fierce or as suave as you did back then?  Do you bring your “A” game every single time like you did when you on the prowl?  See it’s easy to window shop and test drive but closing a deal requires something different.  It means that you have examined the fine print and agree to all the terms.  You accept responsibility for your part in the investment and you are good with that.

Now, I know for a fact that you love your spouse and that somehow life’s experiences may be getting in the way and messing with your balance in it all.  It happens but let me say this:  trying to walk straight while looking backwards just might land you flat on your face.  I say this to you in love, I do.  The commitment of the here and now is real and that should spark the flame baby.  So the next time you share something about your relationship, please let it be known that your spouse is the most wonderful (you fill in the blank).  It’s good talking to you sugar!

Lana Moline is a freelance writer and poet who lives in Ft. Worth with her three kids and husband Emile. Married 11 years, both media professionals have vowed to maintain integrity in all aspects of print and broadcast journalism.Visit her at

4 replies
  1. Kenneth
    Kenneth says:

    Yes. I didnt realize it fully until she started appearing in my dreams.

  2. Sunnie
    Sunnie says:

    Hell to the no!!!! SOUL TIES BROKEN…..THANK U JESUS!!!!""

  3. FirstLady Dildy
    FirstLady Dildy says:

    WOW…this is the reason alot of relationships cant grow to there full potential because folks carry second guess baggage from their PAST into their FUTURE..

  4. Anon
    Anon says:

    Good post. People do need to remember why the person is an ex.

    Nope my ex isn't living rent free in my head. But I have had to compete with the memory of his when I was too naive to even know that I was in a competition. Clearly I lost/am losing. He cheated and I am looking at the door.

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