VIDEO: One of the major issues in relationships is communication. In the classes we teach we often hear: someone isn’t talking enough, someone is talking too much, someone is always yelling, or someone doesn’t make sense. Does any of this sound familiar. The reason why there are some message mixups in our communication is because we haven’t been properly taught how to communicate and how to approach subjects with your mate that may be a little bit uncomfortable. In this video we discuss a couple of techniques that will help you “open the door” for some REAL TALK and challenge you to make your communication more authentic and transparent.
http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/logo.png00http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/logo.png2012-08-30 10:50:142019-01-18 15:14:42VIDEO: What Does Your Hurt “Look” Like? Techniques For Real Talk.
VIDEO: My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for the past two years. Prior to the relationship we were good friends. We’re in our early twenties and we’re pretty much in a long distance relationship due to the fact that he’s in the military. When he isn’t deployed or underway we see each other 4-10 times a month. We have a pretty good relationship in which we are honest with each other and committed. However a month ago (before he left for an underway) we had a pregnancy scare. Neither of us are ready for a child but I believe that at our age we cannot play the victim for an accident and abuse the rights to abortion. As adults we must own up to our responsibilities and keep and raise the child. My boyfriend initially voiced otherwise insisting upon other options (adoption, abortion). He then continued on about how he’s not ready for a child and does not believe he would make a suitable father. He continued even further to say that if I keep the child he does not want any part in the child’s life. Upon seeing my upset reaction he said that he still loves me , that he was simply voicing his current emotions and that upon confirmation of a pregnancy he does not know if he would react and proceed in the same manner. Unfortunately, right after he voiced his opinion it was time for him to leave and we were not able to hatch out everything. With that said that night has been replaying in my head almost everyday since he’s been gone and festering with what I should do and how I should approach the conversation when he gets back. I still love him but that doesn’t change the fact that he hurt me and left me questioning his commitment to the relationship. Based on his initial reaction is it time to call quits because he failed to meet my unspoken expectations of supporting me and taking responsibility for not just mine but our actions? Or should I respect the fact that he was honest with me about his emotions (a little too honest) which he did not act on by ending our relationship and attempt to work it out upon his arrival?
BLAM Fam..What are your thoughts about this viewer’s situation.
http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/logo.png00http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/logo.png2012-08-29 07:00:472019-01-18 15:14:42I May Not Be There For You If You Choose To Keep The Baby
VIDEO: Occasionally while we are out here coaching couples we come across people that use their spouses “lack of action” to justify their actions outside of their relationship. In this video we are dealing with a similar scenario where a husband wants female friends because his sex life with his wife SUCKS and is basically NON-EXISTENT. The wife is saying “What should I do!”….so we give her some real advice…as usual.
http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/logo.png00http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/logo.png2012-08-28 08:00:342019-01-18 14:56:40My Husband Wants Female Friends Because He’s Frustrated With Me Sexually
Video: I need your thoughts. I was in a relationship with a guy that was a dear friend and to be honest he was imperfectly perfect for me, at least that is what I thought. He and I had only been in a relationship for a month but we were friends for 8 months. Before we decided to be with each other I was involved with this other guy and he and I did something together that I regret but it led to him giving me an STD that was treatable. I am normally very careful but for the first time I got intoxicated and did something crazy like had sex without protection. I ended up getting Chlamydia and giving it to my new boyfriend and he left me. I got it before he and I were in a relatioship together and as soon as I was tested for everything and got my results I informed him of the outcome and he left me and won’t speak to me. I told him a thousand times how sorry I am and that it was not intentional because the guy that gave it to me, he and I were exclusive for months just not willing to be in a relationship with one another. I know i did what was right by telling my boyfriend but I really feel like I have lost the guy that was made for me and I really don’t know where to go from here because I don’t want to miss out on a chance at real love. Please help.
http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/logo.png00http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/logo.png2012-08-26 12:00:482019-01-18 15:14:41I Gave My Man CHLAMYDIA and He Left. Will I Ever Have A Chance At New Love?
VIDEO: Trust is an essential part of a relationship. In order to establish and maintain a healthy relationship you’ve got to know when to responsibly lower and lift your guards. Occasionally, because trust has been broken in our relationships we recondition ourselves to look for and expect deceit to be forever present. It’s in those times where we’ve discovered another opportunity to distrust that we are confronted with the challenge of bailing out or remaining invested in the relationship. In time when your trust is tested what do you do? Do you confront your partner or silently build up a wall of resentment?
CLICK HERE to have an opportunity to TELL YOUR STORY ABOUT INFIDELITY ON NATIONAL T.V.
CLICK HERE to learn how to improve the quality of your SEX & INTIMACY
CLICK HERE to get our incredible COMMUNICATION PACKAGE so you can connect like you deserve to.
http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/logo.png00http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/logo.png2012-08-24 10:00:242019-01-18 14:53:55Are Pics Of Past Girlfriends A Problem?
Video: I just want to start off by saying I truly think you guys are amazing. I really respect the fact that you tell it how it is, you don’t sugar coat things and I think it helps when a third party can come in and dissect the situation and give their opinions.
My husband and I have been together for almost 5 years now. When we first started dating things were great. There were tons of hugs and kisses. We had a great sex life. Sure there were the occasional arguments but even though it wasn’t perfect it was great. I could honestly call him my best friend. We did everything together. Even if we weren’t doing anything we still had a great time.
2 years ago in January I was attacked in an underground parking lot and was raped by 3 men. I have never felt so disgusting and violated in my life. I remember being so scared to see my husband (boyfriend at the time) I really felt like it was my fault. I felt like I had cheated on him without wanting to cheat. I know that probably sounds so messed up but I felt more horrible about how my husband was going to feel more than myself. He took the news hard however he just held me, told me how much he loved me and that everything was going to be okay. I had never felt so safe then I did that day in his arms. It was allot of work but we worked through the horrible situation. He took his time; he was patient and loving etc. A few months later on April 5th he asked me to marry him, he didn’t want to wait and by noon on April 6th we were husband and wife.
Shortly after we got married we found out I was pregnant … my husband and I both didn’t want children and had many conversations about it and when we found out it took a bit but both of us were so excited. He was amazing; he would come home from work with little outfits or toys for our baby. I carried until 8 months and then went into labour; we had a beautiful little girl who passed away 2 days later in the hospital due to health issues. I can honestly say I have never experienced that kind of heartbreak. I would never wish that on my worst enemy. My husband and I took awhile to move through those emotions. Even though there isn’t a day either one of us don’t think of our little girl we have to move on with our lives.
A few months after our daughter’s birth and passing I was diagnosed with uterine cancer. I have had 2 surgeries and have gone through chemo and radiation treatments. I had very little energy, felt horrible almost all the time but my husband was great. After treatments he would just hold me and let me cry. He would again tell me everything will be okay … and I again felt safe felt like I had something to fight for.
A few months ago I was told that there was active cancer cells again and I am currently going through tests and treatments etc. The difference this time is that my husband isn’t holding me anymore. He won’t kiss me unless I ask; he won’t hug me when I hug him. He sleeps on the couch, and every night I go ask him to come to bed and he tells me he is comfy. We don’t have sex. When I try he tells me he is too tired or just isn’t in the mood. I truly don’t remember the last time we had a full conversation that wasn’t about normal everyday events such as bill payments, groceries etc. I know he loves me but I really can’t say if he is in love with me anymore. I’m so tired, and I cry myself to sleep every night. Honestly I feel he is holding allot of resentment against me. We were in a heated argument a few months ago and he let slip out that “his life was quiet and normal before me” I didn’t ask for the rape, the passing of our baby girl or the cancer that is attacking me. When we made up he said he didn’t mean it but I really feel like that type of comment couldn’t have come out without some meaning behind it. I was just wondering if I could get your opinions on the situation and I guess I just want to know if you think that there have been so many things that have come at us that maybe there is no hope of going back.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this 🙂
CLICK HERE to have an opportunity to TELL YOUR STORY ABOUT INFIDELITY ON NATIONAL T.V.
CLICK HERE to learn how to improve the quality of your SEX & INTIMACY
CLICK HERE to get our incredible COMMUNICATION PACKAGE so you can connect like you deserve to.
http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/logo.png00http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/logo.png2012-08-22 09:00:422019-01-18 15:14:40Life’s Trials Are Truly Testing My Marriage
VIDEO: Dear MA’AT’s I’m 20 years old in college and I met this girl about a year ago. We became friends and became very close but right now, she told me she’s not looking for a relationship due to the fact she broke up with her ex-boyfriend of two years over a year ago. She said she wants to focus on grad school. She’s 24 and I’m 20. We both said we loved each other and Sometimes when I think about her I always think about her being my wife and having a family with her one day when I’m finish college.
Is it normal for a 20 year old to be thinking about a long term commitment such as marriage? At my age should I be spreading my wild oats or does it make me look like a mature man to think of a woman as being my future wife?
How do I continue building this incredible connection that me and her have so that we can get to the point of marriage?
http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/logo.png00http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/logo.png2012-08-19 02:00:312019-01-18 15:14:40Am I Delusional For Thinking About Building A Family With Someone I’m Not EVEN In A Relationship With?
Hello Ma’ats,
Firstly, thank you for all the work you do. You guys are great, your advice is mature and balanced. And this is why I am coming for you to get advice on a certain issue.
I am 21 years old and the person I am in love with is 22.
Here is a bit of the background. We went to the same primary school so we have known about each other since we were about 6 years old. When I was 11, I moved to England and been living there for the past 10 years, he stayed in Uganda.
We got back in touch almost a year ago and recently we have shared so many of our experiences, had a lot of discussions and the past week we have been talking for hours every day. Now he tells me he has feelings for me. Truth be told, I have fallen for him too, he seems to have the right personality, makes me laugh and is very understanding. It has got to the point where he wants to pursue a relationship with me.
Now here is my issue, he is too far. I didn’t grow up with my father and so the ‘absence’ of my boyfriend would mean I am not learning from my past. There is too much uncertainty with long distance relationships.
He has tried to convince me to ‘give it a chance’ and truth be told, if he was in England with me, I would have said yes a long time ago. I have been through too much in my young life for the same thing to come up in my adult life. By ‘same thing’ I mean the absence of a male figure, in this context, it would be my boyfriend. Speaking on the phone for me is not enough, it’s not like he has travelled somewhere and he is coming back that’s different, the reality of it is that we are miles and miles away.
He mentioned he would try and visit. I cannot have that much uncertainty around me. For me I want to protect myself from as much hurt as possible in my adult life; our past is there to teach us a lesson. It is definitely better for him as well because who is to say he will not meet a beautiful, loving, compatible Ugandan woman whilst I am busy studying/working back in the UK. After all, it isn’t guaranteed that I may not meet another man who will sweep me off my feet too. The negatives in this context outweigh the positives. I would not want to take him away from the country he has grown to love. Home is Home after all. He says he can adapt to any situation, he may like it in England for a bit, but after sometime he would get fed up of it because you have been brought up in a different culture. Also, career opportunity wise, there is a better chance of him doing exactly what you want to do when he is in Uganda than if he moves elsewhere, UK, in this context. I neither see myself working nor living in Uganda for the rest of my life. And so perhaps love just isn’t enough?
And this is going to sound very unfair and selfish, but I do not know what he could ‘become’, he is not financially well off at the moment though he claims he is ambitious, which I trust as he is still at university. But what if he never makes it? I don’t want to marry a poor guy. It’s very shallow I know, but again I am trying to protect myself from things that have happened to me in the past. I am working very hard, I go to a great university, I have searched for opportunities and I am heading for a great career, but I would hate to be the one who supports him…
Maybe it all happened too quickly too soon. I think he has fallen for the ‘idea’ of me, rather than the reality of who I am. Who is to say it’s not lust? Who is to say it’s not a simple crush? I have a lot of issues that I am still dealing with in my life. I am still strengthening my relationship with God, I am still working on my education, career, I am still working on myself physically, emotionally and mentally and still dealing with my past. I am not ready to bring someone into my life right now. Then I got so frightened when he mentioned the whole marriage thing, I mean; I am completely not ready at all. Choosing a marriage partner is a tricky business. It’s crucial to know someone properly for at least 1-2 years before you even admit anything. So he did freak me out a little when you mentioned the whole proposal thing. I really like him, I don’t know whether it’s love or not coz I have never been in love, but I think about him all the time, I get all excited when I receive messages from him, his voice is like music to my ears, he makes me laugh, I just love talking to him so much, I’ve opened up with him, he is the first guy with whom I have felt 100% comfortable. I feel special when I speak to him. I am also going to see him in 10 weeks as I’m making a family visit back to Uganda in the summer.
He still young, I am still young, and we do not know about these things well enough to jump into them. I know we have joked, we have laughed, yes and I enjoy that, but the reality of it just doesn’t seem realistic. Maybe it is the chase that gets him and I both excited, but once you reach it, then what? I told him he deserves someone who is going to be there with him.
All my thoughts are always mixed up, taking me time to make up my mind about life’s issues. I would rather not into the whole thing now than going into it now then have to break his heart later on because I hadn’t dealt with myself before I let someone else in. It is also not guaranteed on your side that you would always want me. Life is very unpredictable, people change, circumstances change, situations change. We are still very young, still a lot of growing up to do for ourselves so we do not know what we want fully. I think he deserves someone better; I don’t think I can give him what he need.
So to sum up, for me the issues are: long distance, him not making it financially in life, me not having dealt with my issues well enough and generally being afraid of what this means. I would love to hear your thoughts and any advice you can offer on this.
Thank you very much Ma’ats!
CLICK HERE to have an opportunity to TELL YOUR STORY ABOUT INFIDELITY ON NATIONAL T.V.
CLICK HERE to learn how to improve the quality of your SEX & INTIMACY
CLICK HERE to get our incredible COMMUNICATION PACKAGE so you can connect like you deserve to.
http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/logo.png00http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/logo.png2012-08-17 01:26:422019-01-18 15:14:39I’m Afraid To Commit Because Of The Distance
VIDEO: I’m so glad I came across your channel on you tube. You guys are great. Here is my situation. My bf and I have been dating for close to three years. He is 35 and I am 34 and we do not have kids. We are both college grads. I want to be engaged this year. I gave him an ultimatium-if we do not get engaged this year we are over. He has agreed, but his mother is a real issue. See, my bf still lives at home with his mother. Bascially she has manipulated him to a T. She pays his car issurance, cooks his breakfast, washes his clothes etc. I have been the one to lift the veil off and he has come to his senses recently-and realizes he needs to man up and do for himself-each time he does his mother puts a guilt trip on him. He recently informed me he wants to move out and move in with me. Now, I have reservations about that. I want to be engaged before we live together? PS Should I embrace his way of growing and becoming his own man or should I bail?
PS Background we met when we were in the fourth grade. I transferred out of the school a year later and never saw him again, until 22 years later on a busy street in Manhattan. I feel we are kindred, but I don’t get why our relationship is so slow to get to the next level. He says he’s saving for a ring, but most of the time his money goes to Mommy dearest. Also, my parents feel that I am wasting my time and I can be dating and perhaps meet someone else who is ready. They feel as though my clock is ticking away!
CLICK HERE to have an opportunity to TELL YOUR STORY ABOUT INFIDELITY ON NATIONAL T.V.
CLICK HERE to learn how to improve the quality of your SEX & INTIMACY
CLICK HERE to get our incredible COMMUNICATION PACKAGE so you can connect like you deserve to.
http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/logo.png00http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/logo.png2012-08-14 09:00:382019-01-18 15:14:38My Man Wants To Marry Me…But I’m Concerned Because He’s Not Self Sufficient
In order to achieve work/life balance in your relationship there are 3 critical things that need to occur. In this video we discuss those 3 things in an attempt to help bring wholeness to people’s lives.
Here are 5 additional tips from WebMd.com to help you achieve that Work-Life Balance:
1. Build downtime into your schedule.
When you plan your week, make it a point to schedule time with your family and friends and activities that help you recharge.
If a date night with your spouse or a softball game with friends is on your calendar, you’ll have something to look forward to and an extra incentive to manage your time well so you don’t have to cancel.
“It helps to be proactive about scheduling,” says Laura Stack, a productivity expert in Denver and author of SuperCompetent: The Six Keys to Perform at Your Productive Best. “When I go out with my girlfriends, we all whip out our cell phones and put another girls’ night out on the calendar for one month later,” she says.
Stack also plans an activity with her family — like going to a movie or the park — every Sunday afternoon. “We do this because if there’s nothing on the schedule, time tends to get frittered away and the weekend may end without us spending quality time together,” she says.
Michael Neithardt, an actor and television commercial producer in New York City, wakes up three hours before he has to leave for work so he can go for a run and spend some time with his wife and baby.
“A lot of my friends tend to wake up, shower, and go straight to work. And they often complain about having no time to do anything,” he tells WebMD in an e-mail. “I find that if I can get those three hours in the morning, I have a more productive and peaceful workday. I can sure tell the difference when I don’t.”
2. Drop activities that sap your time or energy.
“Many people waste their time on activities or people that add no value — for example, spending too much time at work with a colleague who is constantly venting and gossiping,” says Marilyn Puder-York, PhD, a psychologist and executive coach in New York and Connecticut. She recommends taking stock of activities that aren’t really enhancing your career or personal life and minimizing the time you spend on them.
You may even be able to leave work earlier if you make a conscious effort to limit the time you spend on the web and social media sites, making personal calls, or checking your bank balance. “We often get sucked into these habits that are making us much less efficient without realizing it,” Stack says.
3. Rethink your errands.
Consider whether you can outsource any of your time-consuming household chores or errands.
Could you order your groceries online and have them delivered? Hire a kid down the street to mow your lawn? Have your dry cleaning picked up and dropped off at your home or office? Order your stamps online so you don’t have to go to the post office? Even if you’re on a tight budget, you may discover that the time you’ll save will make it worth it.
Stack also suggests trading services with friends. Offer to do tasks that you enjoy or that you were planning to do anyway.
“You could exchange gardening services for babysitting services,” Stack says. “If you like to cook, you could prepare and freeze a couple of meals and give them to a friend in exchange for wrapping your holiday gifts.”
4. Get moving.
It’s hard to make time for exercise when you have a jam-packed schedule, but experts say that it may ultimately help you get more done by boosting your energy level and ability to concentrate.
“Research shows exercise can help you to be more alert,” Brooks says. “And I’ve noticed that when I don’t exercise because I’m trying to squeeze in another half hour of writing, I don’t feel as alert.”
Samantha Harris, a lawyer who works for a nonprofit organization in Philadelphia, says she recently started sneaking in a trip to the gym two or three mornings a week before her family wakes up. “It’s been a real boost in terms of the way I feel for the rest of the day,” she says. “I feel like my head is clearer and I’ve had a little time to myself.”
5. Remember that a little relaxation goes a long way.
Don’t get overwhelmed by assuming that you need to make big changes to bring more balance to your life. Brooks recommends setting realistic goals, like trying to leave the office earlier one night per week.
“Slowly build more activities into your schedule that are important to you,” he says. “Maybe you can start by spending an hour a week on your hobby of carpentry or planning a weekend getaway with your spouse once a year,” he says.
Stack points out that even during a hectic day, you can take 10 or 15 minutes to do something that will recharge your batteries. “Take a bath, read a trashy novel, go for a walk, or listen to music,” she suggests. “You have to make a little time for the things that ignite your joy.”
CLICK HERE to have an opportunity to TELL YOUR STORY ABOUT INFIDELITY ON NATIONAL T.V.
CLICK HERE to learn how to improve the quality of your SEX & INTIMACY
CLICK HERE to get our incredible COMMUNICATION PACKAGE so you can connect like you deserve to.
http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/logo.png00http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/logo.png2012-08-07 09:00:042019-01-18 15:12:53Do You Have Work – Life Balance In Your Relationship?
