VIDEO: “Is my relationship worth fighting for?” asks this married woman. How do you know when enough is enough? Relationships can at times be like roller coasters and take you up and down. And, yes there is value in the lessons that can be learned from going through hard times. However, you have to be clear that both people are fighting for the relationship and are invested in trying to move forward. If one partner is fighting against the relationship with their actions…then it might be time to call it quits. Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at share His View & Her View. What’s your view?
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VIEWER LETTER: I’ve been married for 11 yrs this week to a special person who has been there for me in the past. Recently, my wife had admitted to having cheated on me. We went to counseling after I presented divorce papers and forgave her to try to save our marriage. I listened to the things that she said I needed to correct and I did change into a better man. Things were going great. There was more intimacy, romance and attention. I lose 55lbs, got lasix, got new stylish wardrobe and cleaned up nice. I had started to really trust her and felt secure again. New years eve was so special, getting dressed up and partying on a midnight cruise. After the cruise, we stayed in a suite laid out with candle and roses. Our world could not have been any more blissful. Then the next day I get a call telling me that another man (suppose to be her best friend) had introduced my wife as his girlfriend. So I ask my wife when can I meet her best friend, lets go out for wings and drinks on me. I would like to know why would he do this to his friend. I felt comfortable before but now I think there may be something more to their relationship. It has been 4 days and my wife still haven’t been able to reach him to clear her name. I haven’t accused my wife of anything but finds it hard to believe that his phone is off and nobody knows where he is. My intuition is telling me to dig deeper to get the truth. When my wife felt I was spending time with a female friend, I took her to meet over wings and drinks to show that she was into our successful reconciliation. But her friend can’t do the same. I need to know what should I do?
BLAM Fam: These are real questions from real people. Please weigh in and provide this husband with your take on this. #EachOneTeachOne
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VIDEO: Have you noticed your spouse’s weight slowly but surely slipping out of control? If so has that impacted your desire for them? In this show we help a guy out who is wrestling with the fact that his wife is gaining weight and it’s impacting their romance. Listen in and let us know what you think.
B Intentional Fam, Have you or your spouse experienced weight gain as the years have slipped by? Has it impacted your desire for sex or your attraction towards them? How have you dealt with this?
CLICK HERE to have an opportunity to TELL YOUR STORY ABOUT INFIDELITY ON NATIONAL T.V.
CLICK HERE to learn how to COMMUNICATE BETTER IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
CLICK HERE to learn how to improve the quality of your SEX & INTIMACY
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Everybody feels stress at some point in their lives when raising children is involved. Some people have more difficulty dealing with it than others. In this video we help a single mom with two adopted sons cope with the feelings of resentment that are starting to rise up because she’s overwhelmed. Been there, done that? Listen in and lend a word of encouragement.
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When you look at your relationship today…what do you see? If you take a birds eye view of the history of your relationship what do you see? I ask these two questions because on a regular basis we’re confronted with questions from folks who are in a state of despair in their relationship and appear clueless about the conditions that created their current circumstances. We are also exposed to couples who have phenomenal relationships and appear cognizant of the seeds that were planted some umpteen years ago which enable them to have a fruitful love.
It’s easy to get caught up in the day to day details and identify the current circumstances of your relationship as being responsible for the current condition of your love. The fallacy in this line of thought is that you ignore the history and turn a blind eye to your “steady”. Your “steady” is your foundation. Regardless of what you’re currently experiencing in your relationship the way you deal with what you’re experiencing is directly related to your “steady”…your foundation. Was the foundation of your relationship built with integrity, compassion, commitment, and genuine love.
In this video I talk about our foundation….and use a Valentine’s Day card I gave Aiyana in 1998 to illustrate the point that the connection we have in our relationship AIN’T NOTHIN NEW. It’s our steady….it’s our foundation. It’s been here since the beginning. It’s because of that foundation we’ve been able to build our lasting love.
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We can’t say it enough. It is more than important to make and take time to connect in with your spouse. You simply have to. There’s nothing like feeling totally connected and plugged into my husband. He gives me more that I could ever articulate and for that I am forever grateful. Intentionally connecting has dissolved at least 25% to 35% of problems I thought I had. When I say dissolved—I mean the issue evaporated. A lot of times I couldn’t even (no matter how hard I tried) even remember what I was upset about which usually means the issue wasn’t half as serious as I thought it was. I will admit my bruised ego and hurt feelings can get the best of me at times.
So, what’s the lesson BLAM fam? CONNECT! CONNECT! CONNECT! It will save you a whole lot of drama and may lead to some good loving too. (check out our kiss at 3:58–where do you think that led??) Lol.
Stop Playing. Start Pushing.
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VIDEO: I am writting you because I am desperately trying to heal from the hurt I feel as a result of my Queen’s infedelity in Sept.2010. I am going to try to be as brief as I possibly can, so I wish to thank you for taking the time to read my letter. Just to give you a back ground of myself, I am veteran of the armed forces, and current federal employee for the military. I have always had a good income, even at time working 2 jobs when needed. I have a daughter from a previous marraige of 10 years, that I love and support both financially and emotionally. However, the fact that I have a child from a prior marriage has caused issues in my current relationship especially when it comes to visitation. This is has been very hard to deal with… nevertheless, I have always tried to be a good father to my daughter and a good brother according to societies standards. Which brings me to this letter….
When I met me queen, it was while I was working for Deer Park Spring Water as a delivery person. I really believe it was by divine intervention, how we met…. because this was not a normal route stop for me…it was someone else’s. We connected with each other and as I got involved I learned more about her. She is a mother of 2, one through early pregnancy, and the other by way of a short marriage. I was excepting of that, we began seriously dating and decided to live together. As time progressed, I would come to notice that she had a hard time severing the ties from the previous relationship of 6 years. Eventually, with a last ditch effort to secure my relationship with her I proposed…with the expectation that she would close that chapter.
I realized during that time that it was because he was a great provider to the children that she was still holding on to him. I was in transition from my divorce and things were difficult. I even told her I couldn’t be with her because I was not where I wanted to be financially, even though I held down 2 jobs. As difficult as it was during that time, we managed to make it. We restructured our lives (I moved in with her) and eventually with God’s grace we moved into beautiful home and started focusing on our future. We thought it would be all good however, with the new home there came new responsibilities. There were many arguments and fighting over finances because she had become accustomed to how her prior relationship was. I on the other hand felt everyone has to pull their weight, and honesty is paramount.
Ok here’s the reason I’m writing for your advice. See, there were times that she came to me and stated her concerns about me not being emotionally there for her. She said I was not spending quality time and there was no intimacy. She said I was not being a good friend and she saw no passion from me. Granted, I always showered her with flowers and gifts through the relationship however there was still something keeping us out of sync.
2010 was the year I wish I never had. I realized in mid-spring her attitude had changed. In September, she told a lie. She stayed out all night, and as any person who really loves their mate, I stayed up waiting for her return. I made countless attempts to reach her via text and voicemail, I knew something had happened. After 2 pots of coffee I fell asleep at 4am at the dinner table. When I woke up she still wasn’t home. I waited around even though I had to go to work, just to see if I would get some type of a response from her. Eventually I became sick of waiting so I decided to go in. Wouldn’t you know that while I was actually leaving she was pulling into our driveway. The look in her eye’s still sends shiver’s down my spinel. I knew right then she had been with another man. I didn’t accuse her of anything I went in to work so I could try and clear my head. While at work I actually heard a voice in a calm manner say “Go Home”…so I obeyed. As I drove to my house there was a Jaguar in the driveway. I prayed because I knew if I didn’t my life was going to change forever. So when the guy came out, I saw that the man she had been with was the military Chaplin. I was devastated. As bad as I wanted to wipe his DNA from my hands, I said hello as he passed by.
I would confront him via the cell phone 72hrs. later. He told me they met 2 weeks before and had been intimate twice. I found out he was not the only one… There was another guy she had been with too. As you can imagine, I was crushed. She told me that she was lonely and she didn’t want to live that way. She said she wanted to get out the relationship hoped if she screwed around, I would leave her in retribution for betrayal. Instead of leaving, I wanted the truth, and I wanted to repair my family, and myself. I sought marriage counseling because I wanted to do everything I could before conceding and letting it all go. In that process I found myself doing what I should’ve been doing all along. I gave all to God, and asked for his help. I would gradually change as I began to focus on everything she had issue with. After 8 months she would finally apologize for what she did, and eventually block the numbers out of her phone. I asked her to change the number after the discovery however, she said I was being insecure. I told her I’m not insecure and her even suggesting that I was is disrespectful …especially considering what she had done. It would be then that I realized that I had very low self esteem. That was the reason I was trying to keep us together. I didn’t want to lose everything I had tried to heal. I eventually came to a point where I accepted that …. if it’s in god’s will it will work out. I then told her…. I if I am not the man you wish to have a future with, then it’s ok. I wanted her to find her happiness wherever she could find it.
Since then, she has changed her approach. When she stated she wanted space, I told her I would move out of our home. She then said that she realized I had truly changed and she was afraid I would seek revenge and return the favor as she had done me. However, I refuse to normalize what she did by my actions. She stole those moments from me and I’ve not been the same since. I had asked her one time… who was best lover, she stated it was the Pastor, who was 15 years older, and with viagra, she said he was passionate. I told her no… that was game on both of your parts. You gave your self for a very little amount, just conversation and time spent… and in return he received the greatest gift. She was resentful at first…But I told her, if he truly wanted to you, he would’ve respected you and waited. She has changed however she has a more reserved demeanor. She says this who she is now. I’m wondering… when people cheat, does it take time before they can open up. I used to see different sides to her emotionally. We’re planning to get married next September.. Any advice Please let me know. I’ve changed, and everything she wanted from me I am giving her.
BLAM FAM what do yall think of this brotha’s situation?
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VIDEO: Marriage is a central part of sustaining and building a community and marriage begins beautifully with a wedding. Two families merge together and a new family is born. At the center of it all are two people dedicating their lives to each other’s growth and evolution. For the past 10 years we’ve been blessed to assist one another on our life journey through the role of husband and wife. We are appreciative and humbled by the love that we share and legacy that we are creating as we consistently hold in high regard the awesomeness of healthy love and marriage.
So many of you have asked about our wedding and what it was like and so today (May 27th 2012 – OUR 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY) we decided to share a 3 minute wedding video with yall to give you a glimpse into our special day . Weddings are beautiful but always remember that Marriage is where the real love, work, sacrifice, and bliss truly live. Let’s keep building…ourselves, our families, one another, and the world.
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To make a long story short, I found emails on my husband facebook page (he forgot to log off) between him and females. One of the emails, he was describing his penis and telling her what he could/would do to her with his penis. The emails went back and forth. I was so upset I told him I want a divorce. He stated he was just talking and that nothing happened or was going to happen. Even if he was just talking, I still fell that he cheated. He doesn’t want to get a divorce or a separation. I dont trust him anymore. I never had trust issues with him before. I believe that without trust there is no relationship. I found a divorce lawyer. However, a divorce cost more than i can afford. My husband and I have been married since 2004. We have a 11 month old daughter. I am so hurt. I feel disrespected and betrayed. We are currently going to marriage counseling, but I can’t seem to get pass this/over this. I love my husband, but i also love myself. I believe that you teach people how to treat you and if I continue with our marriage he will do it again because I let him get away with it the first time. Any advice you have is appreciated.
BLAM FAM what do you think about this situation?
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VIDEO: Do you know of anybody that is still married but has started another relationship? Do they swear that the new person is the best there ever was? A lot of times when we’re in a relationship we swear the grass is greener on the other side even though we’ve neglected our own lawns. We received a question from a viewer that’s married, however she’s in a relationship with another man. She asks whether or not she should allow her marriage to legally come to a complete close (which she says she can’t afford right now) before moving forward in her new relationship. What do you think?
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