VIDEO: I am writting you because I am desperately trying to heal from the hurt I feel as a result of my Queen’s infedelity in Sept.2010. I am going to try to be as brief as I possibly can, so I wish to thank you for taking the time to read my letter. Just to give you a back ground of myself, I am veteran of the armed forces, and current federal employee for the military. I have always had a good income, even at time working 2 jobs when needed. I have a daughter from a previous marraige of 10 years, that I love and support both financially and emotionally. However, the fact that I have a child from a prior marriage has caused issues in my current relationship especially when it comes to visitation. This is has been very hard to deal with… nevertheless, I have always tried to be a good father to my daughter and a good brother according to societies standards. Which brings me to this letter….

When I met me queen, it was while I was working for Deer Park Spring Water as a delivery person. I really believe it was by divine intervention, how we met…. because this was not a normal route stop for me…it was someone else’s.  We connected with each other and as I got involved I learned more about her.  She is a mother of 2, one through early pregnancy, and the other by way of a short marriage. I was excepting of that, we began seriously dating and decided to live together. As time progressed, I would come to notice that she had a hard time severing the ties from the previous relationship of 6 years. Eventually, with a last ditch effort to secure my relationship with her I proposed…with the expectation that she would close that chapter.

I realized during that time that it was because he was a great provider to the children that she was still holding on to him.  I was in transition from my divorce and things were difficult. I even told her I couldn’t be with her because I was not where I wanted to be financially, even though I held down 2 jobs.  As difficult as it was during that time, we managed to make it.  We restructured our lives (I moved in with her) and eventually with God’s grace we moved into beautiful home and started focusing on our future. We thought it would be all good however, with the new home there came new responsibilities.  There were many arguments and fighting over finances because she had become accustomed to how her prior relationship was. I on the other hand felt everyone has to pull their weight, and honesty is paramount.

Ok here’s the reason I’m writing for your advice. See, there were times that  she came to me and stated her concerns about me not being emotionally there for her.  She said I was not spending quality time and there was no intimacy. She said I was not being a good friend and she saw no passion from me. Granted, I always showered her with flowers and gifts through the relationship however there was still something keeping us out of sync.

2010 was the year I wish I never had.  I realized in mid-spring her attitude had changed. In September, she told a lie.  She stayed out all night, and as any person who really loves their mate, I stayed up waiting for her return.  I made countless attempts to reach her via text and voicemail, I knew something had happened. After 2 pots of coffee I fell asleep at 4am at the dinner table. When I woke up she still wasn’t home.  I waited around even though I had to go to work, just to see if I would get some type of a response from her.  Eventually I became sick of waiting so I decided to go in.  Wouldn’t you know that  while I was actually leaving she was pulling into our driveway. The look in her eye’s still sends shiver’s down my spinel. I knew right then she had been with another man. I didn’t accuse her of anything I went in to work so I could try and clear my head.  While at work I actually heard a voice in a calm manner say “Go Home”…so I obeyed.  As I drove to my house there was a Jaguar in the driveway.  I prayed because I knew if I didn’t my life was going to change forever.  So when the guy came out, I saw that the man she had been with was the military Chaplin.  I was devastated.  As bad as I wanted to wipe his DNA from my hands, I said hello as he passed by.

I would confront him via the cell phone 72hrs. later.   He told me they met 2 weeks before and had been intimate twice.  I found out he was not the only one… There was another guy she had been with too.   As you can imagine, I was crushed. She told me that she was lonely and she didn’t want to live that way.  She said she wanted to get out the relationship hoped if she screwed around, I would leave her in retribution for betrayal. Instead of leaving, I wanted the truth, and I wanted to repair my family, and myself.  I sought marriage counseling because I wanted to do everything I could before conceding and letting it all go.   In that process I found myself doing what I should’ve been doing all along.  I gave all to God, and asked for his help. I would gradually change as I began to focus on everything she had issue with. After 8 months she would finally apologize for what she did, and eventually block the numbers out of her phone. I asked her to change the number after the discovery however, she said I was being insecure. I told her I’m not insecure and her even suggesting that I was is disrespectful …especially considering what she had done.   It would be  then that I realized that I had very low self esteem.  That was the reason I was trying to  keep us together. I didn’t want to lose everything I had tried to heal. I eventually came to a point where I accepted that …. if it’s in god’s will it will work out. I then told her…. I if I am not the man you wish to have a future with, then it’s ok.  I wanted her to find her happiness wherever she could find it.

Since then, she has changed her approach.  When she stated she wanted space, I told her I would move out of our home. She then said that she realized I had truly changed and she was afraid I would seek revenge and return the favor as she had done me. However, I refuse to normalize what she did by my actions.  She stole those moments from me and I’ve not been the same since.  I had asked her one time… who was best lover, she stated it was the Pastor, who was 15 years older, and with viagra, she said he was passionate. I told her no… that was game on both of  your parts. You gave your self for a very little amount, just conversation and time spent… and in return he received the greatest gift.   She was resentful at first…But I told her, if he truly wanted to you, he would’ve respected you and waited.  She has changed however she has a more reserved demeanor.  She says this who she is now.  I’m wondering… when people cheat, does it take time before they can open up.  I used to see different sides to her emotionally. We’re planning to get married next September.. Any advice Please let me know. I’ve changed, and everything she wanted from me I am giving her.

BLAM FAM what do yall think of this brotha’s situation?

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Video: Question from a viewer

To make a long story short, I found emails on my husband facebook page (he forgot to log off) between him and females.  One of the emails, he was  describing his penis and telling her what he could/would do to her with his penis.  The emails went back and forth.  I was so upset I told him I want a divorce.  He stated he was just talking and that nothing happened or was going to happen.  Even if he was just talking, I still fell that he cheated.  He doesn’t want to get a divorce or a separation.  I dont trust him anymore.  I never had trust issues with him before.  I believe that without trust there is no relationship.  I found a divorce lawyer.  However, a divorce cost more than i can afford.  My husband and I have been married since 2004.  We have a 11 month old daughter.  I am so hurt.  I feel disrespected and betrayed.    We are currently going to marriage counseling, but I can’t seem to get pass this/over this.  I love my husband, but i also love myself.  I believe that you teach people how to treat you and if I continue with our marriage he will do it again because I let him get away with it the first time.   Any advice you have is appreciated.

BLAM FAM what do you think about this situation?