by Cynthia M. Dismuke ARTICLE W/AUDIO COMMENTARY In this video we provide commentary on one of our contributing writer’s articles titled “How Do You Make Your Man Feel?” You can feel free to read the article without our commentary below. We feel like this topic is important because it will help women gain a better understanding of men and can change the energy in your relationship and improve the quality of your relationship (if you let it). 🙂 The author of this article wrote another compelling piece on our site titled “Time Out For Foolishness: Life Can Change In An Instant” . It’s definitely worth checking out and will make you hug your loved ones extra hard the next time you see them.

We get so caught up into what we want that we often do not stop and consider what our husband wants. We can be so out of touch with how he feels or most importantly, how you make him feel. Most men won’t say a word to you but he will express how he feels to his friends or another woman. He communicates through his actions and/or silence that you are not in tune with him. He might prefer being out with the boys, playing games, online, etc. than spending time with you because of your negative and selfish attitudes. Some men are just simply tired of trying to please us because we complain and talk too much.

One time I was just complaining and complaining to my husband until he said to me, “Cynthia, how long are you going to beat that dead horse. I heard you every time you said it.” We laugh about it now, but it wasn’t funny at the time. However, it did give me something to think about. I was too busy pointing fingers, complaining about everything that was wrong with him or what he did until I realized that there were three more fingers pointing back at me. I was also reminded that there is always someone else eager to tell him how wonderful he is. So, I had to switch things up and start looking for things to compliment and build him up. When I started being positive and showing gratitude for the little things and listening to what he had to say, he began to make happen for me anything that I wanted or desired.

At first pride wouldn’t allow me, but I began to put pressure on my mouth to say things like, thank you, your welcome, oh, yes, I like that (in my sexy voice) outside of the bedroom ya’ll. I let him know when I enjoyed something he did no matter how big or how small. When you show sincere gratitude and appreciation for something your man does (and don’t mess around and start bragging about it) he will do it again, again and again!!! Keep in mind that men enjoy pleasing their wives in and outside of the bedroom.

Men are not difficult to figure out; we just don’t like the truth when we hear it or we make too many assumptions. They love their egos being stroked and let’s not forget lots of good, hot sex. They are just wired that way. Men want you to be flirtatious, engaging, affectionate and kind but they also want to be understood. They enjoy when their women are soft, kind, gentle and understanding. But you cannot understand a person if you don’t know how he feels.

Ask him how feels. Be specific; ask him how do YOU make him feel. Ask him what simple things could you do on a daily basis to bring joy, pleasure and satisfaction to his life. Ask him what does he need from you. Do this in a non-combative and non-confrontational way. Use your power as a woman. Catch him when he is not distracted and be sweet about it, don’t hem him up in frustration. (you know how to work it) And let him know that this exploration is not for debate or something for him to figure out; that you just want to know how he feels. Let the man say how he feels without interruption or challenge. Now, I know that is going to be hard for some of my sisters but believe me, if I can do it, anyone can do it. I was the queen of cutting the man off in mid- sentence before I knew better. You can’t understand what a person is trying to say if you don’t allow them to complete a thought.

In most marriages, what a man says about his wife is directly linked to how she makes him feel. I once heard a story about a man having an affair who said that he would rather be in hell with the mistress than in heaven with his wife because of how she made him feel. How do you make your husband feel? What does he say about you when you are not in his presence? Are you overly critical of him? Do you criticize him in front of others including the children? Do you know without a doubt that he appreciates you and what you do for him? Do you tell or show him that you appreciate what he does for you?

Now I know some of you may be saying why should I have to do this or that because he did this or that. What does it matter? Someone has to make the first move to putting things on the right track. If you are reading this article, you may be the one who is willing or capable of setting your marriage on a course beneficial to you both. When we know better, we should do better and most of the time change starts within. Change the course of your marriage by changing your words, actions and attitude.

Cynthia M. Dismuke aka Mrs.D is founder of Still I Rise Ministries. She is also the creator of Free and Unashamed, a support group for women. She loves empowering women to become who God created them to be with practical applications of God’s Word. She strongly believes that life experiences are lessons to be shared to educate, free and empower others. She is the mother of five, grandmother of two and resides in Texas with her husband of twenty years.