Women Need To Compete For Their Man—Whether Just Dating Or Married

By Aiyana Ma’at Yesterday, while on the way home , I came across the Michael Baisden show on the radio and happened upon an interesting conversation that had a lot of women hot—as in mad. Michael Baisden talked about the fact that women need to compete for a man before they get him and once they have him. When I got home I got on the phone with some single & married sista friends to see what they thought—my idea of a quick little survey. Most of them made comments like this: “Compete? What?! Why? This ain’t no competition!” or “I want to feel as If I’m the only one, as If I’m special—I wouldn’t feel like that If I had to compete for my man.” or “This is my husband. I already got him. Ain’t no need for all that!”

So, I’ll be honest when I first heard the word compete it just rubbed me the wrong way. As women I think we like to focus on the lovey dovey sweet romance of our relationships rather than the nitty gritty, come with your A game, “do what you did to get him even when you got him” part of our relationships. But, if I’m honest a little healthy competition can only help not hurt my marriage. Keeping my game tight and handling my business is a responsibility and a privilege. If men have to compete for women then why do we feel as if it’s beneath us to “compete”? It’s all in how you look at it. For me, personally, it means just a few of the following things:

  • Continually work on listening more and talking less.
  • Make it a point to express my support of my husband in my words and actions.
  • Make sure sex is not some theory in a dusty book on a shelf that never gets opened—give him some regularly.
  • Continue to expand my horizons and my mind so I have something to bring to my relationship intellectually.
  • Keep it honest with him like no one else can—that means I consider his growth by keeping it real with what I say to him and I consider his feelings with how I say things to him.
  • Make sure that I give him space to just be and don’t crowd him out with wanting to have things my way all the time—I’ll admit it—I can be quite self-centered at times.

Again, these are just some of the things that I do to compete for my man. So, sistas, you can get caught up in the word compete and talk about what we shouldn’t have to do or what we ain’t gonna do. But, remember this: What you won’t do—somebody else will.

A Love Letter To My Husband: From Aiyana To Ayize

Ayize doesn’t know I’m doing this but I just had to…. I was so inspired by a song I heard yesterday on one of my Facebook Friends pages. It just made me think about my relationship with my bestfriend, my boy, my confidante, my lover, my husband—Ayize Ma’at and I knew what I needed to do.

Dear Ayize,

I’m taking the time today to make sure you know…… I want you to be ever so clear about the depth of my love for you and my commitment to you, our marriage, and our family. I need you to know the impact you’ve had on my life. Ayize, the love I have for you is overwhelming and indescribable. I heard a song yesterday by Kindred The Family Soul. It’s called “Stars” and I just “felt” it when I heard it. But, the reason I felt it baby is because of you. It’s because of you that the wounds that my “on again, off again” father left early on in my life haven’t stayed as deep and painful as they used to be. It’s because of you that today I can say that I honestly know what it feels like to trust someone  completely. It’s because of your willingness to hold on tight and never let go that I know what commitment is really about in the first place. It’s because of your cool calmness that I have been able to really look at myself and learn new ways of being and communicating. It’s because of your ability to affirm me and allow me to be me that I have the self assured confidence that I have about myself….it’s because of you Ayize. When I begin to doubt myself and feel fear creeping up from behind I now know to deliberately stop whatever I’m doing, pause, and say to myself the words you first said to me “Just be”. It’s because you aren’t ashamed to say you love me, respect me, and see greatness in me that it makes it all the more easy for me to look at myself and find the greatness too. It’s because of your honesty with me…your willingness to call me out but then kiss me on the forehead or the nape of my neck that I have been able to learn how to accept and grow from criticism instead of letting it seep into my spirit and kill my self-esteem. It’s because of your vulnerability and your sharing your secrets with me that I feel and know that I’m important enough and worthy to be trusted. I love traveling life’s journey with you baby. So much of who I am today and have yet to be is because of you. Thank you King. I love you. Today. Tomorrow. Forever.

Here are the lyrics that inspired this letter. Listen to the song below.

Listen to the song below…

“We’ve come so far

Stars look up to you, baby

My heart belongs

Right here next to you, baby”

As always, leave a comment or submit a video response. Anyone out there inspired to do their own video love letter to their sweetie? Send it in and we’ll put it up! Here’s the song that inspired my love letter to my husband…..

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Go Ahead And Give Him Some…

VIDEO: It’s easy to do the same old thing and not challenge yourself to move beyond what’s comfortable….especially when it comes to SEX. However, what’s easy ain’t always right. Do something different….initiate sex with your man, get creative, and turn him out. If you are still the same in the bedroom and the sex ain’t changing that’s not a good thing. If it rarely happens in your house…that’s even worse. Get beyond yourself and go ahead and give him some…

Why Do Black Men Harass Black Women In The Street?

VIDEO: “I am sick and tired of Black men cat calling, asking if they can walk with me, calling me shorty and disrespecting me in the street. Black men shut your pie holes before I pull your du-rag over your eyes! Other sistas have complained about this. Black men, stop acting like baboons in the street and leave Black women alone!”

These are the words of the author of this video…pretty disturbing. Disturbing on many levels. Please be advised that the video that follows is adult material, contains profanity, and is raw and to the point. On one hand we are disturbed by some of the words the author uses to describe black men and this particular behavior. On the other hand there is truth that exists in the author’s words. I (Aiyana) have experienced situations similar to this back in the day but it would be a stretch to say that the brothas trying to holler at me were men…they were clearly boys. Take a look and tell us what you think….

Marriage Is For Grown Folks!

ARTICLE: The very first time my husband and I decided to enroll in Marriage Education classes I was so clear that there were some “issues” he needed to work on and I  was just waiting for his “Aha!” moment to come so he could let go of some of his baggage and stop working my nerves. Yup, that was  my thinking— pretty arrogant, right? Well, as each week passed what became clearer and clearer to me was the fact that I might be a bit “touched” too meaning I had some bags I needed to put down myself.  As a matter of fact I learned that I had a whole lot of baggage but I just didn’t realize it because I had been carrying it most of my life. So, I simply didn’t notice it. It was so much a part of me I couldn’t distinguish what part of me was the “real” me and what part was the “contrived” me, if you will.

You see, I believe we all have our real selves and our contrived selves. Our real selves are our most authentic and true selves. Our contrived selves are the person we’ve created  (subconsciously most of the time) to show to the world and yes even to our spouses. So how might this look in our relationships?  Check out VIDEO commentary: “Are You Keepin It Real?” .

Getting back to my original point…(ya’ll will soon learn—I can jump all around at times!), a real shift occurred in my mind, heart, and soul when I finally began to understand that the marriage God blessed me with, the relationship that I say is most important (after my relationship with The Most High) was not given to me for me to spend most of my time complaining about all of my spouse’s imperfections. Our relationships are not the place for us to let all of our stuff hang out with no regard for how that stuff is weighing us, our partner, and our relationship down. Our relationships are definitely not the place for us to revisit childhood and think that we should get everything our way. One of the biggest challenges I’ve noticed in doing work with couples is the difficulty we have with abandoning our individual agendas and moving towards what’s going to work best for the marriage. Typically, we’re so busy focusing on what our spouse is or isn’t doing that we don’t realize the part we play in perpetuating the problems we want to get rid of!

Marriage is one of the best places to grow and work on YOU if you’re up for it. Marriage is the place where 2 people can come together and pull and push eachother in love to be the best that God created them to be. Marriage is a place where one partner can model for the partner that just doesn’t seem to get it through your actions and not just your words. Marriage is a place where a brand new you can be born if we would just stop looking at our spouse, the next couple, and everywhere else outside of ourselves. Marriage can be a great place to work on SELF. Marriage is for grown folks!

Question: Why do you think people enter into marriage thinking it’s going to be nothing but a romantic cake walk?

Learn The Lesson And Keep It Moving

VIDEO: I was once told “Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb….because that’s where the fruit is”. Sometimes the fruit is bitter…and sometimes the fruit is sweet….but you will never know unless you move outside of your comfort zone, extend your arm and REACH for it. When you reach for what you want you strengthen the muscle of persistence and that’s a good thing. Oftentimes, you end up grabbing hold of more than you expected. It may be sweet….it may be incredibly sour….whatever it is—it’s always best to LEARN THE LESSON AND KEEP IT MOVING! Here, I share a personal story and lesson that I recently learned. Did it hurt my feelings a bit….yeah. Did it destroy my resolve to keep pushing towards my goals and dreams….No! I just have to Stop Playing and Start Pushing. Bottom Line.

It’s About The Journey…Not The Destination So Ride With Me And Vote!

VIDEO: I am moving forward, trying to make this happen, walking my path, and creating my destiny!!!! I am auditioning to have MY OWN SHOW on the Oprah Winfrey Network! Please click on the link below to view and vote for my Video Audition for the Oprah Winfrey Network!!! (FYI: You need to click on the picture and bring up this full article for the link to work.)

VOTE RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!!!

My show idea is all about picking up and dusting off old forgotten dreams and goals and making them happen. But, first we have to figure out what’s getting in the way…what’s holding you back. Once we identify the barriers to getting to the next level the sky is the limit! FEAR, PROCRASTINATION, AND APATHY MOVE OUT OF THE WAY! We’re going to give wings to dreams! If you can dig it, please VOTE FOR ME NOW!!!

P.S. There is no limit to how often you can vote so vote more than once please. 🙂 The vote total won’t change right away but EVERY VOTE COUNTS!  Thank you sooooo much!!!!

P.P.S. …..And no matter what happens I’m soaking up every minute of it!!!! This experience and our entire life experience, for that matter, is about the JOURNEY not the DESTINATION!   So, come ride with me and VOTE, VOTE, VOTE!!!  🙂