We Are Always Butting Heads On The Little Things

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Me and my woman have been together for 2 yrs. We are always butting heads on little things in our communication about her micro questioning what or how I do things. I give my opinion about things or give a breakdown on answering a question she may have and then she says that that’s too much info or I am talking to her like she is a kid or demeaning. I mean at this point we pick at every little thing we say to each other because we take it negative. I have tried to stop and just not react or be quiet when she says somethng or makes a deep sigh or face that shows displeasure like what the hell am I talking to you for. But still my whole demeanor changes and the anger shows on my face even if I don’t say anything. Or she says I don’t respect her opinion if I give her my view on what she is talking about.  FYI- I have this serious looking face even when I am not serious. Even my kids tell me I look too serious. So what I say comes across a lot of times as overbearing and controlling. I love her and she loves me, but we need help in our communication.  Thanks

Are You Speaking Life Or Death Into Your Man?

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Your words have the ability to build up or tear down your relationship.  Your words have the ability to build up or tear down your man.  Many men have stopped investing themselves in their relationship because the feel bullied, beaten, and bruised by their woman.  Many men have given up and as a result your relationship is on life support.  Check out this video when you get a sec and ask yourself….”Am I speaking life or death into my man?”

Me, My Ex-Husband, Or My Friend?

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Hello…I know that you receive a million emails but I’m in a really bad situation or should I say position. Here my life…I have been with my kids father for 8 or 9 years off and on…in which the last three of them we’ve been married but mostly separated. In 2010 we got married in February…in May I almost committed suicide because he became unhappy with me, our family and nothing I did seemed right. So to avoid destruction I left in June 15. Around August or September we decided to work things out in a new city away from family. We separated again before Thanksgiving and got back together for Christmas but broke up a little after new years. We got back together on our first anniversary…but broke up again around May. This is how our marriage went for the first two years. Towards the end of our second year I couldn’t take it anymore. During these beak UPS or separations he would go be with other women and eventually I found someone else but whenever my husband and I we’re “together” I was completely faithful and I know that he was texting women from mocospace but I don’t know if he was unfaithful or not. I finally realized that my husband and I had issues. There was an incident where I gave him the light bill money and he disappeared for the weekend. The next week or two we, my kids included, had to sit in the dark. I love myhusband and I’m in love with him, but one day gee looked at me and said why should he have to settle for someone like me when he could have the girl he left me for. I was hurt. At that time we were getting evicted and I had found a cheaper place and he came and got his things and left. He didn’t help us pack nor did he help move anything. The friend that I would seek out when my husband wasn’t around helped me move and made sure that the girls and I were settled. Eventually I filed for a divorce, but I was so hurt and depressed. I was good to my husband and in spite of it all I still loved him and wanted to be with him. So here’s my dilemma. The friend and I decided to date after I filed for a divorce. The friend is a great God fearing man and he’s a great provider but I’ve noticed that he’s controlling. I’ve also noticed that he’s demanding and he doesn’t want my kids dad to be a part of their lives, but I don’t think I should keep my kids away from their dad. Plus a always have you do things on his terms and on his time.  Recently my ex has wanted to talk and work things out and surprisingly I’m okay with it to an extent. I want us to date again but he refuses but I feel like we should get to know one another again.  But my husbandlikes to drink and party and i gave that life up when i almost died in a car accident where i was extremely intoxicated. But I’m confused because another part of me wants to be with my friend. But the bigger part of me feels like I need to take time and get to know me again. I feel like my ex no longer deserves my love and I feel like I jumped into a relationship without healing from the divorce. Plus I’m still in love with my husband. I don’t want you hurt either of them buy I don’t know what to do. Would you suggest I let my ex remain a ex or should I try to work it out? Do yo think our relationship us fixable? Or do you think that I should work things out with my friend? Or should I take some much needed time and love on me for awhile? I am a God loving woman and I do believe that people change but I don’t want you be a fool either. Please help me!

It’s Our Anniversary!!!

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What’s up Fam,

Today is a special day for us…it’s our anniversary.  Yup, 11 years married and lovin’ every minute of it.  When you get a second check out this video where we share some details of our anniversary weekend.  Here’s a couple of hints: boat ride, fireworks, holding hands, alcohol, jonin’, exercise, no children, and fine dining.  We truly had a great time and look forward to many many more years of wedded bliss.  : )

 

I’m Not In Love With My Husband….Should I Leave?

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VIDEO: My question is… If you know in your heart of hearts that you are not “in love” with your spouse but rather have more of a “brotherly / care taker ” type of love for them, and that you initially got married young and for ALL the wrong reasons. Is there possibily a way to salvage the relationship or is it better to cut your loses and move on?
Some history: 11 yr marriage, 2 children, co-dependent wife, dependent husband, got married for “so called” religous reasons.  Your thoughts??

BLAM Fam…What do yall think she should do?

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8 Need To Know Lessons About Love

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By Team BLAM

We’ve said on many occasions that relationships require hard work. Sometimes, (i.e., a lot of times!) we seem to forget that as human beings and want everything to go our way. We don’t understand why we have to endure so much friction. Our question to you is: Why not? Anything worth having is worth working hard for….right? We have a picture with a very important and meaningful quote that hangs in our house. I think the quote sums up what we want you to know today quite nicely: “Faith makes things possible…not easy.” We have to treat our relationships with love, attention, strategy, and skill. Listen closely as we cover 8 simple need to know lessons that will definitely help in getting and keeping you on the path to sweet love and success if you apply them. 🙂

I’m Attracted To My Girlfriend’s Son BUT I Don’t Know If He’s Attracted To Me

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VIDEO:  Hi, here’s my situation. I met my friend who’s like a mother to me son recently. Ok I really didnt see it as a set up because I was trying to stay out of the” I THINK EVERY MAN I MEET IS MY HUSBAND” area. So we were introduced and it went well. I was nervous about our conversation but he held it, so that was a plus. He walked me and his mom to the  car, his mom first I wasn’t going to just stand there so I started to walk to mine and he caught me, asked if he could have my number and if he could call me I said Yea gave him the number; he told me to call him fwhen i got home so i did. So he was leaving the next day for the service, so I was not expecting him to call me right away because I knew he had to get settled. So I was like Lord imma just trust you in this and PRAY!  Making sure he was in the for front of it all. So while waiting it was nerve wrecking after days then weeks ewent by. His mom would talk to him and asked if he talked to me he would say no he’s been really busy. I knew that so I wasn’t tripping. So two weeks later he text that he’s been really busy,sorry he hasn’t called and that he would call me soon; then two days later he called conversation went well again. Nothing heavy real basic but GOOD!! We talked about God, asked how old our children were(now he put all our children ages together) I DIDN’T!!! “ALL TOGETHER WE HAVE ABCD” I was like DID I JUST HEAR RIGHT! LORD!! So we went on joked around, and he asked AGAIN if he could call me. I said Yeah we hung up. Now we are friends on FB we have only one convo on there him posting, me commenting and him responding. HE HASN’T CALLED ME BACK!!!!!! NOW ON FB HE POSTED HE WAS SICK I. BELIEVE HIM!! SO HE TEXT ME THE NEXT DAY MERRY CHRISTMAS. I SAID MERRY CHRISTMAS HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT AND WHY HE DIDN’T CALL ME BACK!!! NOW I FIRMLY BELIEVE IN PROVERB 18:22 HE ISSUPPOSE TO SEEK ME OUT!!!  SO IM LIKE WHY DIDNT HE CALL ME BACK. WHT DID I DO, IS HE NOTINTERESTED,
HE HAS A PAST. HE’S BEEN MARRIED BEFORE AND I CLEARLY KNOW WHT IT SAYS ABOUT DIVORCE AND WHAT MAKES YOU FREE TO MARRY AGAIN, I HAVE PRAYED LORD KEEP ME, AND IF HE’S NOT FREE, I GOTTA LET IT GO.OK IT’S BEEN A MONTH NOW STILL HASN’T CALLED BACK IT SEEMED WE WERE STARTED OFF WELL.
WHY DIDN’T HE CALL BACK AND STILL HAVEN’T!!! I HAVE BEEN WANTING TO TEXT HIM TO SEE IF HEWOULD RESPOND AFRAID OF CALLING BECAUSE WE MIGHT STALL!!! BUT I CAN NEVER BRING MYSELF TO DOING IT BECAUSE IF HE WAS INTERESTED HE WOULD CALL ME, HE SUPPOSED TO SEEK ME OUT, DON’T WANNA LOOK DESPERATE, IT’S LIKE LOWERING MY STANDARDS, IF HE WANTED TO TALK ORINTERESTED HE WOULD CALL, THIS IS WHAT I AM THINKING AND SAYING TO MYSELF!!! NOW IT’S BEEN A MONTH AND I SUPPOSE TO GO VISIT HIS MOM WHEN SHE GOES TO HELP WITH THE CHILDREN.  SHOULD I CALL ORR TEXT OR HE JUST NOT INTERESTED OR WHAT’S GOING ON WHY HE DIDN’T CALL BACK AFTERHE ASKED TO????? I HOPE YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THIS I PRAY YOU DO BECAUSE I NEED SOME REAL ADVICE!!! IF YOU CAN PLEASE CALL THAT WAY YOU CAN HEAR ME ANFD THE STORY BETTER. THANKS TRULY FOR YOUR TIME AND LISTENING, GOD BLESS

I’ve Chosen To Settle And Have Sex With My Ex

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By Team BLAM

 

Hey guys. I recently found your videos on youtube and I must say that I love watching. It is very informing and inspiring to watch the two of you.

Now I am having some issues and need your advice please. So I am 20 years old and single (by choice of course) I go to school, I work, and I am on a journey to starting my own business. However, when I get hot and horny I always call my ex-boyfriend/current sex partner. We broke up about 2 years ago but we still have sex on occasions and aside from that we are actually really good friends who talk with each other quite often. I first met him when I was 15 (we are same age) and we dated throughout high school years and we even talked about getting married when I turned 18. That never happened and we ended up breaking up but still find each other always hanging out and occasionally having sex. When we do engage in the act I always feel guilty after because I know he is not committed to me anymore and me constantly giving my body to him has even brought me to tears knowing that I want more from him but he is not willing. I have even talked about marriage with him recently and he has told me that he is up for the idea but he wants to make sure he has money and his own place and able to take care of me before he can do that but in my head I am thinking that it is okay that we are at a low right now and I feel that if we were in a relationship we could build on something together, grow together, and learn from each other through the bad times but that is not his intention. Am I wrong for thinking this way? Also, I sometimes feel that I need to explore my options and date other people (which I have) but when it comes down to it, all the men I know just want sex from me. I made a personal choice to only have sex with my ex because there are just way too many STDs out here and the fact that I trust him and get tested with him eases my mind when having sex. I truly do want to date and see what is out there but I am always approached for the wrong reasons and when I make it known that I am not about sex I never hear from them again or they keep asking until they give up. I have tried celibacy and of course that didn’t last long so what is there to do? I don’t want to keep giving myself to this man who is not committing to me but I don’t want to have sex with anyone else. Please help.

It Hurts To Walk But It’s Easier When You Hold My Hand

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The past two weeks have been both physically and emotionally draining.  The Ma’at’s are pooped.  But tired and all…we’re never to tired to give thanks.  About 10 years ago we learned a chant…”Aum aim duau Sebek” which loosely translated means Thank you God for the hard things because the hard things make me stronger.  Yall, we’ve definitely experienced some hard things with our sons’ recent surgery. But guess what….Asante has been strong, continues to be strong, and is embracing building his strength as he continues his journey toward healing.  Check out this video when you get a sec….watch our son walk for the first time post surgery.  We love you Asante Duah Ma’at.

Should I Stay With My Lying Husband?

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Hello…I wanted to ask you guys a question after watching you on YouTube. I am going to give you a little background into ourmarriage.

I have be married for 5 months and I am beginning to reach my breaking point and I don’t know what to do. After being marriedfor 1 month, I discovered that my new husband was on dating websites and giving women his number. After confronting him, he deleted his accounts and told me that he would not talk to these women again. This of course caused a great deal of insecurity with me and within our marriage. I couldn’t believe that he was doing this after just one month of marriage. Was there something I was or wasn’t doing that made him feel he needed to seek out someone else? Was I not enough? Of course I asked him all of these questions and he said that I was enough and it wasn’t anything I was doing. He said it was just something he did for no real reason. Of course this has caused a great deal of insecurity for me about our marriage.

My husband is currently talking to this woman he knew before we got married. He talks to this woman on the phone multiple times a day almost every day. I have asked him repeatedly if he is talking to this woman and he continues to deny it and flat out lie to me. I know how often he is talking to this woman because I can see the call records. Most of the time, he is the one doing the calling. I am getting more and more frustrated because he continues to lie.  I don’t know what to do. It has gotten to the point where I have looked up divorce laws and procedures in our state. This is my first marriage and his second. His firstmarriage ended because he cheated. He says he’s not cheating on me but I believe that cheating is not only physical or sexual but cheating can also be emotional and I feel that he is betraying me by talking to this woman on a daily basis and then lying to me about it. We started marriage counseling where he said that he would pull back on talking to this woman. But he hasn’t. I am at a lost and I don’t know what to do. Should I just  try to stick out and continue to go to marriage counseling in hopes that it would change? How should I address him about this situation because obviously simply asking him is not working because he continues to lie? Should I just be secure and believe that they are just friends and there is nothing going on?  Any advice you can give would be much appreciated.

Thank you

CLICK HERE for Couples or Individual Counseling with Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at