Is Being “Mr. Nice Guy” Getting In The Way Of Your Love Life?
By Joseph Matthews
My friends, a question for you…
You have heard the term “Nice guys finish last”, correct?
Well, I’m here to tell you that saying is 100% true! But not for the reasons you may think.
Being a “Nice Guy” with women doesn’t work, not because you get too caught up in what a girl wants and get stuck as a friend, but because Nice Guys are typically very, very…
SELFISH!
That’s right. When you’re a “Nice Guy,” you’re not really being nice, you’re being EMOTIONALLY GREEDY.
Let me explain…
An enormous problem for a lot of guys, one that will almost always lead to difficulty with women, is the “Nice Guy factor”.
Countless men rely on others to determine their self worth, due to having a weak identity and very little self esteem.
These guys are at the mercy of everyone else in their lives, so they try their best to please the people around them, hoping they’ll continue to think highly of them, so they can feel good about themselves. That’s not so bad, right? It feels good when others approve of you, doesn’t it?
Most people look at this behavior and would instantly categorize these poor men in the “Nice Guys” column. After all, they’re the ones who don’t like conflict. They’re the ones who don’t want to make waves. They’re the ones who want everyone to be happy.
They are also some of the most selfish people on the planet.
Seriously. I know this because I used to be one of these people, and I know all their dirty little secrets! And the point of this newsletter is to make everyone who thinks of themselves as “nice” or as a “victim” really, really irritated!!!
All of you “Nice Guys” out there reading this are nothing more than “people pleasers.” Somewhere in your life, you found out that pleasing people is a way to get other people to like you and admire you so you can feel good about yourself.
The source of this could be anyone – your parents, your friends, a relative. But somewhere, you learned to feel good about yourself based on what others think of you.
But I’m here to tell you that using other people’s feelings and goodwill like that is not only harmful, but dishonest!
There are people who “can’t stand conflict” or believe that if you “can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”, or live by some similar slogan. They live in an ideal world. It’s just not this one.
I’m sure on that planet, they get all the moral support they need from anyone.
But that’s the crux of the issue right there. All you “Nice Guys” have a losing mentality about your need for support. Your methodology is: “I am so loving and giving and nice, I expect you to treat me the exact same way as I treat you!”
Here is the typical thought process of Nice Guys:
–“Don’t disagree with me! It’s not fair because I do so much for you!!!”
–“Please be sympathetic and comfort me when I’m upset! I’m needy and can’t comfort myself.”
–“Always be in a good mood. I am always trying to make you happy and if I can’t, I feel ashamed and mad at you!”
–“Pay attention to me!! Whenever I need it, I’ve definitely earned it!!”
–“Take care of me!!! Do the things I can’t do for myself due to fear! I do them for you, so please return the favor!!”
Take a look at all that. Now ask yourself how you’d react if someone was saying those things to you. You’ll understand then, where women are coming from when it comes to dating “Nice Guys”.
Once that happens and the needy demands of “Nice Guys” go unmet, they fall into the deep pits of self-pity and depression. They also feel a lot of shame and anger at their failure to please the women they want, and though these “Nice Guys” can keep their pleasant demeanor up for a long time, their resentment of the women they want to please will grow and grow until it explodes in anger and rage, either directed at others, themselves, or both.
This kind of mentality can extremely damage your self respect and cause others to not want to be around you.
So what’s a “Nice Guy” to do?
If you want to have success with women, you need to stop being agreeable and instead be straightforward and honest, especially when you have to go against the wishes of others and disappoint them. You can do this with kindness and sensitivity, but you MUST do this nonetheless.
Only by being honest, with yourself and with others, will you be able to overcome the selfish “nice guy” habits you have adopted in your life.
And when you do this, you will stop caring about what other people think of you because the source of your validation comes from the fact that you’re being true to yourself and straightforward with others, and you will cease to harbor resentment and anger, and have more self respect and less depression.
That is the only way I have found to truly stop being a “Nice Guy” and become the type of man other people can respect.
Being honest with others in this manner might seem difficult, but it’s more rewarding than any other behavior you can adopt.
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