My Fiance’ Wants To Go Away To Grad School…What About Us?!

VIDEO:  Imagine this. You are living life, happy, engaged to the one you love and they drop a “Biggie” on you. The “Biggie” is the fact that they want to go to graduate school—AWAY to grad school. Do you suport them in continuing their education or do you request that they stay home and sacrifice the “ideal” so that the both of you can continue strengthening your relationship and planning your lives together? Do you think it’s fair to ask your partner to stay? Do you feel it’s Ok to go? Listen in as we answer this young ladies question and weigh in on her issue. Leave a comment or submit a video response. We want to hear from you!

My Fiance’ Cheated But Swears No More

VIDEO: When infidelity nearly kills your relationship, learning to trust again is challenging, hard, and gradual. The writer of this letter is guarded in her relationship and is wondering whether her relationship is worth salvaging after her fiance’ cheated on her. Can the trust be restored? He says he cut his “side chick” off and is exclusively focused on rebuilding trust with his future wife. Do you believe him? What should she do? Leave a comment or submit a video response letting us know what you think.

New Place To Voice Your Opinion! Response Video To “Is Sharing Sex Stories A No No When Married”

At B Intentional we are always encouraging folks out there to get involved, give your opinion, agree with us, challenge us, or just offer up a whole new way of seeing things. We love when the dialogue is in 2 directions and not one. We truly want the things we talk about to spark ideas, thoughts, and conversation! We want to give a shout out to Nikki, one of our Youtube subscribers, for sparking in us the awesome idea to have a place here at B Intentional just for YOU to voice your opinions, respond to videos, and make your voice heard! So, dust off the camcorder (do people still call it that? smile), press record, and GET IN THE CONVERSATION!

Miss the original video that Nikki is responding to? Have a listen below…

VIDEO: The other day while hanging out with friends a conversation came up about sex. Some details were shared that made one of our friends wives uncomfortable. As she attempted to check her husband for being too open with the details of their last sexual encounter another one of our friends (a wife there with her hubby) says “Oh, come on…Is it really that serious?!” Well, what came next was a serious but fun debate between the couples on whether discussing your personal sex stories is just TMI= Too Much Information! So, we wanna know what you think. Do you care what your partner shares? Here’s what we think…

Does The Black Church Keep Black Women Single?

We recently came across a piece CNN did asking the question “Does the black church keep black women single?”. It was quite interesting and thought provoking on many levels. This piece was done based on an article written by Deborrah Cooper, relationship advice columnist for the San Francisco Examiner. Cooper feels that the black church has been the main reason black women have been and continue to be single. She argues that “rigid beliefs constructed by the black church are blinding black women in their search for love”. For example, she talks about the fact that in her opinion many christian black women feel a man is not “equally yoked” if he does not attend church every Sunday and is thereby eliminated as a potential date or mate. She also asserts & we quote: “It is my belief that the Black church, structured around traditional gender roles which makes women submissive and inferior to men, greatly limits females. Single black women sitting in church every Sunday are being subtly brianwashed, soothed and placated into waiting without demand for what they want to magically come to them.”

Cooper says that the man in the below video is “a prime example of the true reason that there are so many single, never married black women in the United States-black churches”.

We think she has something here. We think that there are definitely church environments in the black community that have clearly defined roles for women that subjugate women and serve to ultimately oppress rather than empower women. I am amazed, at times, at how much I’ve observed black folks (women & men alike) participate in their church experience more like it’s a select club than a place to truly examine spiritual principles and their practical application. I have to admit that sometimes the automatic agreement from church -goers when engaged in worship, bible study, etc. makes it difficult (and sometimes nearly impossible) for people to question that which they may not agree with/understand or offer up a perspective that’s different from an age old perspective or view in the black church community. At the same time, we think Cooper is making a sweeping generalization here that she seems to be far too smart for. Contrary to what many would like to believe, the black church is NOT a monolithic institution that we should feel free to throw all of Black America’s problems on. For example, there are many black churches with men in leadership that lift up and celebrate women in true and authentic leadership positions. There are also many congregations with women at the head who do not espouse limiting and suppressive doctrine from their pulpits. These churches endeavor to ask the difficult questions, listen to all of the answers, take responsibility for their part in the problems, and challenge us as individuals to ultimately take ownership of our own relationship with God (not the church or a social construct) so that we can grow and develop spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and morally. At the end of the day both (meaning the black church & black women) have contributed to the “Black Single Women” epidemic in our community. However, we believe it is ultimately up to black women to choose for themselves what they will let take residence in their minds and hearts. At the end of the day we are always responsible for ourselves.

What thoughts & feelings come up for you on this? We really want to hear from you on this issue. Leave a comment or submit a video response and we’ll post it on our site.

To read the full CNN article click here.

You Get Out What You Put In

VIDEO: Everybody wants happy and healthy relationships that they feel cared for and respected in. A lot of people define success as having exactly that. If everybody wants happy and healthy relationships why doesn’t everybody have them? Maybe it’s because as individuals we’re not bringing “happy and healthy” to the table…. If you want good communication, hot sex, solid commitment, honesty, quality time that keeps the two of you bonded, and conflict that you manage versus it managing your relationship—then you’ve GOT TO DO SOME WORK! Great relationships don’t just magically happen. They come about as a result of two people doing the easy fun stuff and the hard work that gets on their very last nerve and is about to drive them crazy! We attended the well known and nationally recognized Smart Marriages Conference in Orlando, Florida last month. While there we talked with good friends of ours and colleagues Reggie & Peachie Williams about why they think it’s important to take time to B Intentional about what you’re putting into your marriage. A quick tip: Focus on what’s being said—not my crazy camera work! The camera’s all over the place yall so cut us some slack. 🙂 When you finish listening in ask yourself “What am I getting out of my marriage?” Now, sit down and try your best to get in your head that whatever you’re getting out of your relationship is a DIRECT REFLECTION of what you’re putting into it. It really is that simple.

Reggie & Peachie Williams are the creators of Courageous Conversations & Peachie’s Nectar. For workshop information contact them at workshops@courageous-conversations.org & to learn more about and receive Peachie’s Nectar contact Peachie at Peachiepw@gmail.com.

Is Sharing Sex Stories A No No When Married?

VIDEO: The other day while hanging out with friends a conversation came up about sex. Some details were shared that made one of our friends wives uncomfortable. As she attempted to check her husband for being to open with the details of their last sexual encounter another one of our friends (a wife there with her hubby) says “Oh, come on…Is it really that serious?!” Well, what came next was a serious but fun debate between the couples on whether discussing your personal sex stories is just TMI= Too Much Information! So, we wanna know what you think. Do you care what your partner shares? Here’s what we think…

Can College And Commitment Coexist?

VIDEO: What comes up for you when think about college? Dorm life, new friends, term papers, parties, & commitment? A young man writes in sharing that he is in love and he and his sweetheart are about to go to separate colleges. He wants to know whether they should try to make a long distance relationship work or…or should they temporarily postpone their relationship until after graduation. We weigh in…but what do you think?

FREE “How To Avoid Falling For A Jerk Or Jerkette” Introductory Class & Information Session

B INTENTIONAL, LLC

PRESENTS

HOW TO AVOID FALLING FOR A JERK OR JERKETTE

Jerks, losers, men and women who ain’t about nothing…call them whatever you want—we will show you how to avoid them and find “the one” that’s right for you. This class will help you break destructive dating patterns that have kept you from finding the love you deserve.

Learn to:

*Ask the right questions to inspire meaningful, revealing conversations with your partner.

*Judge character based on compatibility, relationship skills, friends, and patterns from family and previous relationships.

*Resolve your own emotional baggage so you’re ready for a healthy relationship.

Come out on August 28th at 4:30pm and meet your instructors and other singles determined to pick a partner who’s right for them. Experience a sample class, meet other singles, ask questions, and get details about Fall classes & groups.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE DETAILS & TO REGISTER!

STILL NOT SURE? LISTEN IN BELOW.

It’s Good To “Go Through” Before You Say I Do

VIDEO: You never really know a person until you witness them handling hardship. If you are thinking about taking your relationship to the next level pay close attention to how your partner deals with difficulty, disagreements, and rejection. How they cope in moments of mild or significant conflict will help you decide whether this person is the one you truly want to spend your life with. Most folks we know try to avoid pain & conflict at all costs. But, we believe conflict is a normal and natural thing. Yes, we will even go as far as to say it’s a GOOD thing. Does it feel good? No. Is it necessary? Yes. If we never experience the strain and stress of pain and conflict with the one we say we love then we never get a chance to truly experience the remarkable healing power of forgiveness, repair, and emotional and spiritual maturation with another person. I once read somewhere that if you are comfortable you are not growing. While most of us would love to stay in La La land with our sweethearts 24/7 that is just not possible and we would dare to say it just isn’t healthy either. We believe one of the greatest gifts of our most sacred relationship is its ability to help “grow us up” mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. We are not supposed to stay the same. We are all supposed to evolve and the one we love more than anything yet gets on our last nerve at the same time is the perfect one to help us do it.! At the end of the day it’s really OK to “go through” before you say I DO.

Go Ahead And Give Him Some…

VIDEO: It’s easy to do the same old thing and not challenge yourself to move beyond what’s comfortable….especially when it comes to SEX. However, what’s easy ain’t always right. Do something different….initiate sex with your man, get creative, and turn him out. If you are still the same in the bedroom and the sex ain’t changing that’s not a good thing. If it rarely happens in your house…that’s even worse. Get beyond yourself and go ahead and give him some…